I have something similar. My FH is treated horribly by his family. He is used and basically neglected. Out of all of his siblings he is the most accomplished and successful and humble. They know what a sweetheart he is and use it to their advantage for anything and I mean anything. Middle of the night phone calls for him to do things, etc, etc. I started to notice it and it hurt me alot more than it him. He never seemed bothered by it. Now, I finally got him to open up and finally let it out how much it hurts him. It took awhile, but he needs to see it. Fortunately, he sees what they do to him and how they manipulate him and is finally starting to take a stand. Granted it isn't as strong, as I would like, but still, it is a start. I know how it feels to feel hopeless, it is killing you right? I started by gentley reminding him how wonderfully my parents treat him and how they don't do to me what his parents do to him. Through my relationship with my family, it started to open his eyes that his is alittle messed up. Start slow. Just try to talk to him about it, alittle at a time as it comes up and ask him what it is he is feeling. Pretty soon he will put it all together and start gaining the control he has lost.
SuzBride
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
Poor DH! When I was growing up, I had a similar situation with an aunt (so much so that my parents even commented on it, but of course being nonconfrontational nothing was ever said). I really believe that treating family members poorly and pointing out their shortcomings is a sign of hidden resentment that stems from a personal insecurity. Those aunts are probably secretly resentful that their nephew has been able to raise himself up from a bad situation and is on his way to a wonderful career with a wonderful person by his side. Perhaps they are not happy with their own career or marriage? Perhaps they sadly feel better about themselves by trying to make your poor DH feel worse about himself?
Grrr - I hate people sometimes. That makes me so mad - cause people just don't realize the adverse effect their cruelness can cause (or perhaps they do )
to you and your DH.
ETA: DH not FH - silly me! I am so used to typing FH
curliegirl
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
Sometimes family members just suck!!!! A little different, but my dad has a habit of crapping on his family and treating garbage like gold.....
JanuaryBride06
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
eta - Suz, he's my DH!
Mandyin2007
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
I am very sorry about how ignorant your husbands family acts. They should be supportive and bring up good things he has done. It is hard to pick yourself up after a difficult time and they should be glad he was successful in doing so.
One thing I can say is that he is lucky to have someone who cares about him so deeply. the best thing you can do is to continue to be there for him.
JanuaryBride06
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
Posted by FutureMrsLoRe One thing I can say is that he is lucky to have someone who cares about him so deeply. the best thing you can do is to continue to be there for him.
I don't know why, but this made me tear up. Thank you
CLMon7906
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
meanie heads.
i've known people like that in FH's life...his grandmother. omg....if it was safe to post what she said and all, i would...but i wanted to slap her (and she's 74)
and yes, he should ignore them and rejoice that he has you and a budding new life ahead of him...those *meanie heads* mean nothing in the end.
eta-
JanuaryBride06
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
Posted by CLMon7906 meanie heads. eta-
PrincessRose
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
I definitely feel your pain. I think that it's great that your DH will open up to you about it, because my DH won't, and he's got some REAL BAD issues in his past. He prefers to just forget, not forgive, and he never calls his family as a result.
Blu-ize
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Re: I'm disgusted by this - family related vent
They make themselves feel better by putting him down. How sad. They are jacka$$es.
