The BM from H!@#$%!

I have posted on and off about this and am once agian so angry! I have been friends with Lisa since we were 3 years old, our parents were best friends , and she has been thru a lot with me. Her Mom and I are close, even though my mom and dad have passed on as well as her dad. I asked her to be a BM in the wedding a few months after I got engaged. She gladly accepted. She does not talk to her older sister, and they do not get along, they both live at home, so when I call there I am not allowed to leave detailed messages on her answering machine becuase of this, which I think is ridicuolus, but anyway..... in the meantime, she has been calling me when she knows I am not home and when I leave her my cell # she still does not call me on that she leaves me a message on my home phone almost like she is trying to avoid me. I have purposely stayed home this past week just so she can call me back, no call. Fh and I are getting so angry he left a message to have her call us back, becuase the BM dresses need to be ordered and she needs to get measured. I even went so far as to send her a letter stating where the place is directions, picture of the dress etc. No call , nothing! We even left her a message that we were going to go to the store with another Bm to get her measurements taken and he would pick her up, no call back. The dresses need to be ordered by the end of the month. I am so angry, part of me wants to say forget it, and another part of me is wanting to leave a very detailed message on her machine. When I spoke to her mom sh esaid that Lisa is well aware she needs to get to the store by the end of the month. However, all I want to know is she will get there. I do not think I am asking too much from her. I do not even want her in the wedding anymore becuase if she can drive me crazy now, what is she going to do the day of the wedding, and the rest of the BP is getting angry at her more and more. HELP!!!

Re: The BM from H!@#$%!

That is a tough situation. Especially if you can't get in touch with her. She definitely needs to know how you feel. If it were me, I would leave a message saying that you really need her cooperation and if she doesn't want to be or can't be part of the BP, you understand. No hard feelings. That might be the only way to get through to her. I wish you lots of luck!

Re: The BM from H!@#$%!

Oh man Sue. Please call me at home if you need to.
I can't believe this.

My first advice is to do what you have to do to track her down, even if it means stopping by her place.
Or leave a message, detailed or not, telling her if you don't hear from her, you will take that as she doesn't want to be in the party.
Once you get a hold of her, ask her what's going on. You never know. But be firm nonetheless.
Something could be going on with her, although I don't think that's any excuse not to return your calls. That's very inconsiderate of her, and not fair to you, especially since she knows your Mom and Dad are not here to help you.
I think it's very wrong of her.
I would ask her to step down when you speak to her. Just because you don't need this type of stress added to all the stress you already have.
It will work out for the best in the long run. Tell her you don't mind is she's not in the BP but you need your BP to be there for you when you need them, and to be responsible, and that she will be better off as a treasured guest.

LEt me know if you want to talk some more.

liz

Re: The BM from H!@#$%!

This is very tough. Write her a letter or e-mail her and tell her how you feel, not about the dress or directions to the place this time. Be gentle not angry. Let her know that you're hurting. Or, go to her house by surprise. If her car is there, go to the door. If not, try again until you get her. She has to come home at some point. Maybe something is wrong or something is bothering her that she doesn't know how to say. If no resolution is reached, then do what you have to do. At least you know in your heart that you tried. 'FOLLOW YOUR HEART!' Someone very special to me gave me that advice once!

Good Luck, and write back if you need to talk!

Re: The BM from H!@#$%!

I thought I was the only one! Anyways, stephanie is right....maybe there is something wrong. NOnethe less, you have until the end of the month and if she doesn't go then you don't have to worry about her being in your wedding. But, I would still want to know what is going on. Maybe she can't afford to be in your wedding? My MOH was acting weird and she finally said, ' I want to be part of your wedding.....but, I don't think I could play the part because of the expense.' Meaning, throwing me a shower and bachlorette party. Plus, She lives out of state and will be flying here for the wedding and paying the cost of the hotel. I basically told her that don't worry about the shower b/c my mother will be throwing me one and that I just needed someone to be there on my day to take care of me while I turn into bridezilla. She is my best friend so I know she was sincere when she mentioned her financial difficulties. I offered to pay for her dress, etc. But, she said ' I can handle that!' I have to say, I was pretty upset when I kept calling her and no return call!!

Re: The BM from H!@#$%!

Just make sure you tell her (and now its harder b/c it might not be as true!) that you and fh still want her to be in the bp but you would understand if she is not up for the commitment and it would not affect your friendship bu/s you would understand(little white lies don't hurt!) - but its up to her and the deadline for getting measured and all is next friday (this way you ave that extra week!)


good luck!

(oh and imagine if your sister was doing this like mine is!!)