the bridal party and their obligations

maybe this is the former bridemaid in me coming out....

Bridal party members receive waves of obligations from the events associated with a modern wedding.... Many of them can be easily viewed as an imposition. For example, being forced to pay for and wear a dress and shoes that's not their style, a loss of control of what their hair and make-up looks like....

Adding to the stress is an unrelenting schedule. They're obliged to participate in engagement parties, organizational meetings (ie. shopping / organizing favors....), bachelorette parties, bridal showers, rehersals and dinners, the wedding itself, and maybe a subsequent brunch the next morning. it's a bit much to ask of everyone.

While these are our closest friends, and they are sincerely really happy that we're getting married and want to celebrate, the schedule is so rigid and enormous, not to mention expensive, that I feel it takes the fun out of the celebration, and makes it tedious...

My resolution: trim out all the nonessentials... Our wedding will be retro... only stuff they did 40 years ago... no engagement party, no bachelorette party, and an intimate rehersal dinner at home that I cook myself.... to show them how much I appreciate the bridal party.
(I'm also a renegade in avoiding bridesmaids dresses altogether... they're wearing outfits of their chosing... but that's another story)....

Am I the only one who feels like this? How are you minimizing tensions with your bridal party?

WOW sounds like you won't have any stress .. i too also didn't want stress from the BP .. so instead i just am having my sister as my MOH and my FH daughter (she is 18) as a BM .. i have 3 girlfriends that i am close with but they all do not get along with each other and i didn't want to have to deal with any issues .. so i said i am keeping my day simple .. i do have to hear it from 1 friend why i didn't pick her but this is my day and i don't want complications ....

anyway so far that was my only thing i have done to de-stress the day and it is working ...

---

Posted by raema29

i do have to hear it from 1 friend why i didn't pick her but this is my day and i don't want complications .......

---

well, that's the flip side to it.... I love how family / friends feel entitled to complain and criticize everthing....

While I'm doing my best to minimize stress, I suspect my response to a friend like that would be much less diplomatic than yours..... When is it acceptable to argue your way into the bridal party??? So sorry your in that situation...

My theory is this, FH and I will organize everything, and minimize the stress on everyone else, but the complaint desk is permaently closed!!!

yes mine too .. i think she has said it to me enough that she doesn't ask anymore .. i mean honestly nothing personal why i didn't ask my friends .. just that i didn't want the stress of having them all have to agree on everything and if they didn't have to hear it ..

so i wish you luck in your stress free planning .. so far my is good .. i can't ask for a better fh.. he is so involved with it all .. i call him the groomzilla

i am having a fairly large bridal party and so far no has complained about anything - they said whatever dress i pick is fine
im trying to keep the costs of teh dress down and my bacherlorette party is not going to be an extravagant vacation somewhere - whoeved wants to come will come and if they cant that is fine

the only thing i picked was the dress. ( i might add that i happen to think i have superb taste and picked a dress for each girl that would best flatter their individual body). beyond that they can wear their and makeup however theyd like and pick whatever shoes make them happy.

i know they are planning the bridal shower, but my mom is paying for it.

ps i still feel guilty every time i ask thema question regarding the wedding