the Catholic Church...

My bf and I are both Catholic but do not attend a particular church. I was thinking about starting to attend St. Josephs or St. Ann's in Garden City. Anyone belong there? or getting married there?

If I begin attending now and want to ge married at a particular church is the 'donation' less as a member of the congregation?

Hi

Usually the typical rule of thumb is that the church wants you to either A) be an offical member of their church or B)if FH or you dont belong there but had been baptized or confirmed there or had an immediate family member such as your parents or sibling that was married there. Usually in that case they make an excpetion. Every church seems to have their own little quirks about it. But either way....I do believe the fee is the same......... if I were you when you pick one you like (st josephs and st annes are both nice) just join, wait about 4 weeks or so, and then call and schedule the ceremony.

I hope that helps :)

The fee is the same for everyone--member or no.

I would suggest going to the church and registering to become a parishoner--I did this about a month before we went in to talk to them about getting married. Some churches have their quirks, so it's better to register than be given a hard time.

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Posted by the future mrs m

I think I'll try to do this today. anyway m mom wants to start going to mass again. What do you have to do to register as a member?

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If you want to become a member of any parish, you just call or stop by the registry to give them your information.

I'd also recommend a church in the area near where you will be living - or one you just really, really like. St. Thomas in W. Hempstead is also an excellent parish with really amazing priests, though I do NOT at all recommend doing pre-Cana there. (At least not with the couple I had. I had an awful experience... long story)

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Posted by the future mrs m

I'm on my way to st joe's now to register. i called and spoke to someone in the rectory. she was like well this is garden city- mabe you should try a church in hempstead. hmph! I said St. joes is 5 blocks from my house! i hope his works out. ill update you later.

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Are... you... kidding... me?

That's a pretty unacceptable attitude to have toward a young couple wanting to register at the parish.

GL!

EEEwwww.... so annoying. i went to st joes. registered and the woman kept trying to convince me to go to a church in hempstead when i am literally the second house in from garden city. so she expected me to drive 10-15 mins rather than 1 min to go to mass.

she kept insisting that maybe i would feel more 'comfortable' in hempstead. i totally walked away feeling like it was a race issue. i wanted to scream at her and i wonder if she would have been talking about comfort to my boyfriend who happens to be white if he went to register.

im annoyed. does anyone know anything about the cathedral of he incarnation in terms of registering??? this is even closer to my house. things like this make me even less in love w/ he catholic church.

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Posted by the future mrs m

EEEwwww.... so annoying. i went to st joes. registered and the woman kept trying to convince me to go to a church in hempstead when i am literally the second house in from garden city. so she expected me to drive 10-15 mins rather than 1 min to go to mass.

she kept insisting that maybe i would feel more 'comfortable' in hempstead. i totally walked away feeling like it was a race issue. i wanted to scream at her and i wonder if she would have been talking about comfort to my boyfriend who happens to be white if he went to register.

im annoyed. does anyone know anything about the cathedral of he incarnation in terms of registering??? this is even closer to my house. things like this make me even less in love w/ he catholic church.

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i am so sorry you had to deal with that - definitely try a different church, and if i were you i would go BACK to that church and request a meeting with the priest there, they should know that she is acting that way! - that is disgusting and please don't let it turn you away from the catholic church. . . the receptionists are just volunteers. . . and in MANY parishes they can be um. . .less than 'holy' when dealing with the public! good luck!

i get really upset when people who dont attend church on a regular basis have something said that turns them off from going..cause its kinda sad, you were really just looking to go to church, and now you mayve had a misunderstanding that would make you not wanna go..
but anyway, just so your aware, how it usually works in ANY parish is, that churches have certain boundaries..and you may not (whether u live 5 blocks away or not) be in that churches geographical boundaries..
also, churches like those (which tend to be very beautiful to the eye, and alot of people try to get married there for that reason only) are alittle more difficult to just 'start' going to..
when we registered at St. josephs in babylon, our priest literally had a map, detailing every single block and who should go where..my husband grew up at his moms (which was technically in another churches area) but then moved in with his dad in his teens (which fell under st joes..
seems crazy, but theres usually a rhyme or a reason for the church to make a desicion..
also, the fee is definately different for most churches, depending on whether or not youre a member of the church..it is higher if you are not.
HTH!! ;)

Yes...the Catholic Church is very strict. You either have to be a member or live in the same town as the church. Therefore, if bolth of your addresses are not the same town as the church and you just recently become a member they might deny you. IMO I would start going to a church in you or your fiances town.

Go figure, the Catholic Church is so hard to deal with!
I'm a Christian and I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this...but my FH insists on getting married in a Catholic Church-Good Luck!

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Posted by Princess92406

i get really upset when people who dont attend church on a regular basis have something said that turns them off from going..cause its kinda sad, you were really just looking to go to church, and now you mayve had a misunderstanding that would make you not wanna go..
but anyway, just so your aware, how it usually works in ANY parish is, that churches have certain boundaries..and you may not (whether u live 5 blocks away or not) be in that churches geographical boundaries..
also, churches like those (which tend to be very beautiful to the eye, and alot of people try to get married there for that reason only) are alittle more difficult to just 'start' going to..
when we registered at St. josephs in babylon, our priest literally had a map, detailing every single block and who should go where..my husband grew up at his moms (which was technically in another churches area) but then moved in with his dad in his teens (which fell under st joes..
seems crazy, but theres usually a rhyme or a reason for the church to make a desicion..
also, the fee is definately different for most churches, depending on whether or not youre a member of the church..it is higher if you are not.
HTH!! ;)

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I never heard of this.... We were given a registration packet at our church (which is also a very pretty / old church) without them asking our address.

Sadly, I agree with you.... I bet that was a racial thing.... so disappointing... but @holes exist everywhere... and freuquently under the guise of those who are 'holier than thou'. But don't get turned off from a parish just becuase of a rectory moron. They only push paper... they don't represent the ideals of the parish. Speak to a priest...

so upsetting

Thanks for all of your responses. Actually, the geographic boundries weren't so much the issue. I did stress to the woman that i have been in Catholic School my ENTIRe life. She took all my info and said that I should receive my envelopes in a month. She said that the pastor of the church is very flexible on membership and then after she brought up the comfort thing and going in hempstead.

All I could think was 'PLEASE! I was the only black kid in my ENTIRE elementary school!' (9 yrs of my life) I'm comfortable w/ myself and can adapt to any environment. I dont think I'll bring this up w/ my fh b/c he would flip out and swear off the catholic church forever.

I am going to go faithfully every sunday and ignore her ignorance i think.

OMG - I'm also trying to get married at St Joe's...I started this process in January!! It has been very difficult, to say the least. My mom lives in Garden City Park and I also went to catholic school my entire life(in Queens)...they didn't seem too impressed with that...lol. We joined the parish and they said we had to wait 3 months before we could even find out if our date is available. I went to the rectory 3 weeks ago and have called twice...I STILL haven't heard from anyone. I don't really know what else to do. We've been going to mass every week - AND giving an envelope and still nothing! I'm probably going to have to end up going back to Queens, to the church I grew up going to.
It's just so frustrating!! Why should it matter what church you get married in...your Catholic...Does God really care which of his churches you get married in??? UGGGG! It is so beyond ridiculous!!
I totally feel your frustration!! Good Luck.
Sorry ladies for the rant

heh, both those stories seem suspiciously related to the rectory .... almost like a crazy woman is running the office and messing with people for kicks....

tons of fun... why do you have to ask the rectory if the date is available? we made an appointment with the priest, and HE told us the available dates. Just ask for an appointment!

Why that stupid woman couldn't HAND YOU a registration packet is beyond me.... I hear you about not wanting to get FH all angry and in protective mode over that.

good luck to both of you!!!!

So... I belong to St Joseph's and FH and I will be getting married there... Honestly we have NEVER EVER had any issues with Race at this church... in fact the priest who is marrying us is from Africa (hes not white)... so I really don't know if you are either sensitive... or the lady was an idiot... (which doesn't surprise me) Sometimes the ladies who work with the church and who are ultra religious just are set in their ways and there is no if ands or buts around it... but again, my FH and I have never had an issue...

BUT... I have belonged to St. Joseph's for my entire life... not that I go every week, but my fh and I try to attend when we can... but that I have been baptized, received communion and confirmation there.

My cousin who also live in Garden City was also turned down from the church because she lived closer and was baptized at St. Annes the church on the other side of Garden City.

Unfortunately a lot of people think that St. Joseph's is such a beautiful church that they can just join to get married there (I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU ARE DOING THAT) but this is what my cousins were told...

So that is most likely why you are having a hard time... Sorry!!!

Maybe don't talk to a lady at the rectory... Why dont you try going to a mass and talking to a priest directly? Or maybe just contacting a priest directly over the phone???

The father who is marrying us is Father Gabriel... he is sooooo sweet, we love him!

Good luck and FM if you need any more info.


ETA---- Regarding the 'donation' it is $750 (well thats what it was when we booked in 2005) for praticing parishoners

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Posted by the future mrs m

EEEwwww.... so annoying. i went to st joes. registered and the woman kept trying to convince me to go to a church in hempstead when i am literally the second house in from garden city. so she expected me to drive 10-15 mins rather than 1 min to go to mass.

she kept insisting that maybe i would feel more 'comfortable' in hempstead. i totally walked away feeling like it was a race issue. i wanted to scream at her and i wonder if she would have been talking about comfort to my boyfriend who happens to be white if he went to register.

im annoyed. does anyone know anything about the cathedral of he incarnation in terms of registering??? this is even closer to my house. things like this make me even less in love w/ he catholic church.

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Write a letter to the pastor of the church. That's absolutely unacceptable. I'm mortified for you. I'm getting ready to write a letter myself!

ETA - Try St. Thomas in West Hempstead. It's less than 5 mins from St. Joe's. They're very nice and accomodating there. In the meantime, though, definitely write a letter to the pastor of St. Joe's. That's COMPLETELY unacceptable.

The Cathedral of the Incarnation is an Episcopal church. You can't get married there without being Episcopalian. My brother was married there, as his wife was a member.