I can see how a heavy set woman would not want to wear a short AND strapless dress. I am short and stubby with big boobs, I can just imagine how uncomfortable it would be if I had to wear that dress all day.. I would be constantly pull it up.. and self conscious about my legs...
But then again, every wedding that I've been a BM in, I've really disliked the dress, but didn't make waves just to appease the bride.
If you're going to make her wear the dress.. at least compromise on the shoes. Who wants miserable bridesmaids.. or a miserable SIL for that matter.
MrsHazel2B
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I'm sorry, but I honestly don't think that brides should have to compromise and settle on their wedding details! Yes, you should consider the sizes of your ladies before settling on a particular dress. But even then, you can't possibly make everyone happy. I think that now-a-days, people are losing sight of the tradition of weddings and they need to understand that it is really about the bride and groom. That's just me. I've actually been emailing my ladies pics of the dresses I like. I want them to narrow the options down to 5 and we will take it from there with the fittings.
MrsBlueRibbon
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Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by MrsBlueRibbon I can't imagine telling someone they have to wear a certain shoe.
Every wedding ive been in we've had to wear the same shoes...
I can't even imagine! That must be awful if the shoe is uncomfortable to you! I know i am in the minority, but I just never saw the reason why i would tell an adult what shoe or jewelry or handbag she should wear. I originally didn't even want them to have to wear the same dress, but the BM's picked the dress and they all picked the same.
Rosalind_75
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Posted by MrsHazel2B
I'm sorry, but I honestly don't think that brides should have to compromise and settle on their wedding details! Yes, you should consider the sizes of your ladies before settling on a particular dress. But even then, you can't possibly make everyone happy. I think that now-a-days, people are losing sight of the tradition of weddings and they need to understand that it is really about the bride and groom. That's just me. I've actually been emailing my ladies pics of the dresses I like. I want them to narrow the options down to 5 and we will take it from there with the fittings.
tradition of wedding.........hmmmmmmm im glad i lost site of that. if i didnt then i would be one angry bitter bride because all i would think about is why my stupid a*s father isnt paying for this wedding.
i am happy to say that i have managed to make everyone one happy. these girls are very close and special to me and if they arent happy then i cant be
AngnShaun
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Posted by MrsBlueRibbon
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by MrsBlueRibbon I can't imagine telling someone they have to wear a certain shoe.
Every wedding ive been in we've had to wear the same shoes...
I can't even imagine! That must be awful if the shoe is uncomfortable to you! I know i am in the minority, but I just never saw the reason why i would tell an adult what shoe or jewelry or handbag she should wear. I originally didn't even want them to have to wear the same dress, but the BM's picked the dress and they all picked the same.
Some have been comfortable and some havent... but i am the first person to take them off and put my flip flops on... at my sisters i only wore them for pictures and down the aisle... walking into the RH i wore my flip flops... its only fair that the batches in my BP should get paid pack and have to wear the same shoes... LOL... kidding...
my MOH is the one that said everyone should have the same shoe because the dress is short and everyone can see the shoe and it would look better...
I originally said they could just pick a dyable shoe from DB, because one of my sisters loves really high heels and the rest of the BP doesnt... we'll see... i still have a lot of time for that
bigsal
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That dress is beautiful. If she is heavy chested can she wear a supportive strapless bra under the dress or take it to a tailor and have them make it fit her to accomodate a bigger chest. These are your close friends and future family so they should be happy-but you are the BRIDE and they should understand that! Also- regarding the shoes I think if they all wear the same color shoe like a silver, gold etc., that should be fine. If they are in pain then it will show up in pictures and to be quite honest I have never noticed the shoes on the BP- and most people take off their shoes while dancing anyway! Good luck!
iarhyme
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I would suggest compromising on the shoes and if she really doesnt look right or fit into her dress, perhaps you could have alterations done so she is more comfortable in the dress. You could still tell her you prefer a certain type of shoe, but perhaps get her one with a shorter/thicker heel. I know how difficult this must be and you dont want to hurt her feelings but i think sitting down and explaining how important this day is to you, and how much you want her in your bridal party and if she would be willing to adjust a few things here and there you can both walk away feeling happy. I hope it all works out!
futuremrsjc2010
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charondita:
first let me say I think your FSIL is rude for even expressing to you in the way that she did that she was unhappy with your choice in shoes and dress. Next I would think that maybe you can compromise on the height of the heels. Some people cant walk with high heels.
I personally would not compromise on the dress at all and if she feels that she IS NOT going to wear the dress than I would remove her from the wedding party and explain to whoever asks why she opted to not participate. Just like your sister is doing, she can wear a corset under the dress. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
ITA
asg450
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This is why I told my bp they can choose their own dress. I did not want to deal with girls not liking the dress.
cleokizzy
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just a suggestion, since all are ordering from DB, how about allowing your BM to choose a style that they like? you pick the color and material that you want and they get to choose something that *hopefully* they could use again in the future. it's a nice compromise
dazey
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don't make them feel uncomfortable
Iluvpoodles
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First off, this is YOUR wedding, not hers. Most people don't let the bridesmaid choose, they choose it for them. That is extremely diva like to email you telling, not even being civil and asking if perhaps you would consider other shoes or dress, but telling you 'oh I'm not gonna be in the wedding then'. Does she think she is doing you a favor? Sorry but I would reply back very nicey that this is what you chose and if she is unhappy with your choice then she can back out. I'm sorry but she sounds like a real *****.
JAAMS
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This is tough, because I don't think she approached it in the right way.
I think there should be some leeway. You want things to be uniform, that's fine. But I think people should feel comfortable to. As a heavy girl myself, I would never be able to wear high heels. I simply cannot walk or move in them. Some people have weak ankles, etc. There's certain things that need to be taken into consideration.
Nina1010
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Don't settle... on the dress at least. First of all... it doesn't sound like she wants to be in it...no offense to you. I've been a BM for 7 weddings and never once would I or did say I wouldn't wear something b/c it didn't flatter me or the shoes were too high. She needs to get over it... it is your wedding and she gave you an out...I would take it. Tell her in the best possible way, and in front of your sister and brother.... 'You know, you're right, I really do have my heart set on that dress. I wish you would reconsider being a part of my Bridal Party. It would mean a lot to have you in it... maybe you can wear a different shoe, same color with the dress.' This way... you are being flexible, taking her feelings in account, and you leave it in her court. You are being sincere and if she bails, then well... she looks bad. JMO...sorry if its too blunt, but anyone who is that insensitive doesn't get a pity party... ya know? you have enough to deal with. I wouldn't settle.
brecken5
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dfw343
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wow I am glad my future step daughters are my MOH. All they care about is comfortable shoes and bras not showing lol.
As a past BM a couple fo times, i have hated some of my dresses. You just make the best of it!
marriedinmontauk
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As someone top heavy, with the feet of an 80 year old, I have some sympathy. Get dyable shoes in a comfy style, and since you have david's, let them get different dress in the same color fabric. there is no way I could wear a strapless dress or high heels, no matter how much I loved the bride.
vickyp0o1215
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Posted by futuremrsjc2010
charondita:
first let me say I think your FSIL is rude for even expressing to you in the way that she did that she was unhappy with your choice in shoes and dress. Next I would think that maybe you can compromise on the height of the heels. Some people cant walk with high heels.
I personally would not compromise on the dress at all and if she feels that she IS NOT going to wear the dress than I would remove her from the wedding party and explain to whoever asks why she opted to not participate. Just like your sister is doing, she can wear a corset under the dress. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
ITA
I also agreee!!! The bride is the most important opinion and everyone else followss... if the shoes are an issue choose a color like lavander or silver and let the girls get any shoe they like... If you are afraid of the different shoes standing out in picss you can go one step further to make it look more uniform like not having and ankle strap or open toe only etc.. trust me noone will notice the height in pics only the front/toe area maybee!! Also if she cared at all about your feelings she would make the dress work for her. She can go to a tailor and get button on straps made or a shawl! I honestly hope my girls dont put me thru this bc i will tell them straight out that oneday when they are a bride i would wear it for them nomatter how much i disliked it!!!
MrsCM
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There's so much that I want to say but I'm not going to because I think it's mostly been said.
Being a very large chested girl, I actually think that dress would be very flattering as opposed to other dresses with cleavage plunges. If you want everyone in the same dress and they all agreed to it then you shouldn't have stress over it now.
As far as the shoes are concerned, some people are really not good in heels. Bad feet and ankles, uncomfortable, clumsy..whatever. Maybe consider asking everyone to wear them for pics and ceremony and then tell them to wear whatever they like for the reception because a lot of women change shoes into flip flops or flats to dance anyway. I had to take into consideration when I was choosing shoes for the girls that I had 4 girls with wide feet and I wasn't going to ask them to jam them into heels.
I wouldn't worry about upsetting your in laws because if she opts out of your bridal party after agreeing to wear something then she's going to look like an idiot.
