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the drama is starting! i need help!
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
On the BM dresses I think it is prob. rare that a whole BP likes everything about the dress and how it looks on them so... I would not change the dress, What does ur FH say?
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Hello-
I would suggest having 2 or 3 dress styles that the girls can choose from in the same color. Since you are ordering from Davids this shouldn't be too much of a problem. I also think this adds interest to the photos.
My sister is in a wedding party now (actually this friday is the wedding)- and she hates her dress. She is grinning and bearing it, because it is her friends day- but I know from her perspective she is not feeling good, doesn't think she looks good and thus will not have the best time she could have at the wedding. She has already stated that this experience will affect how fondly remembers the wedding.
Because of this I know I do not want my BM to go through the same thing. Same for the shoes I think there should be some lee way- as long as the colors are the same, it will still look seemless in photos and for the event.
This is my opinion- hope it may help!
Good Luck...
I would suggest having 2 or 3 dress styles that the girls can choose from in the same color. Since you are ordering from Davids this shouldn't be too much of a problem. I also think this adds interest to the photos.
My sister is in a wedding party now (actually this friday is the wedding)- and she hates her dress. She is grinning and bearing it, because it is her friends day- but I know from her perspective she is not feeling good, doesn't think she looks good and thus will not have the best time she could have at the wedding. She has already stated that this experience will affect how fondly remembers the wedding.
Because of this I know I do not want my BM to go through the same thing. Same for the shoes I think there should be some lee way- as long as the colors are the same, it will still look seemless in photos and for the event.
This is my opinion- hope it may help!
Good Luck...
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
I'm so sorry you are going through this-- I recently had a VERY similar incident with my FSIL. It was over her being bigger chested and she felt the need to alter the dress the way she wanted. I was very lucky that my FH was very supportive and the 2 of us explained this is my wedding and when her time comes, she too would expect things from her bridesmaids that they may not be 100% happy with. We compromised that after the ceremony and pictures she could wear the dress what ever way she wanted, but until then I wanted her the wear the dress that we all agreed on months ago.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
she is not the sort to compromise... she states she does not want to buy high heels that she will only be wearing for 2 hours... i wish i could buy the shoes but i do not have the funds for it...
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
i originally was thinking of having others styles but the main dress that we chose was cotton sateen fabric and it does not really go with any other fabric in the same color (plus they don't have other cotton sateen dresses) so i'm at a loss for picking other dresses.... i also liked the idea of the mix and match section davids bridal had but in person i did not like the fabric or styles at all.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Hi There,
I think I still owe you an fm (date and RH twin)! Anyways, would you consider compromising on the shoe? When I was debating whether to have my girls wear all the same shoes or different ones, I realized that not a single recent wedding I went to did I notice the shoes. Nor did I notice them in photos of weddings I've been in.
Maybe you could see if David's could make thick straps (they could even attach them with buttons so that she could wear the dress strapless for the ceremony/photos and then button them on and change into a more comfy bra for the party), or they can order a shawl in the same color as the dress and tie it around so it looks sort of like a bolero. That's what I did for my aunt's wedding because I was a little self-conscious and it was easier to 'hide' behind the matching scarf.
I think your future sil handled things wrong by outlining an ultimatum to you. And though you are the bride and theoretically should have everything you want, do you want to start drama this early on? If you don't think most of the girls have gotten the shoes yet, maybe she, your sister, and anyone else who wants to can get similar but lower heeled shoes. This way she's not the only different one. There's a nice thing about uniformality but then again, there's also something really nice about everyone feeling comfortable and looking their best, though slightly different.
I hope this helps.
I think I still owe you an fm (date and RH twin)! Anyways, would you consider compromising on the shoe? When I was debating whether to have my girls wear all the same shoes or different ones, I realized that not a single recent wedding I went to did I notice the shoes. Nor did I notice them in photos of weddings I've been in.
Maybe you could see if David's could make thick straps (they could even attach them with buttons so that she could wear the dress strapless for the ceremony/photos and then button them on and change into a more comfy bra for the party), or they can order a shawl in the same color as the dress and tie it around so it looks sort of like a bolero. That's what I did for my aunt's wedding because I was a little self-conscious and it was easier to 'hide' behind the matching scarf.
I think your future sil handled things wrong by outlining an ultimatum to you. And though you are the bride and theoretically should have everything you want, do you want to start drama this early on? If you don't think most of the girls have gotten the shoes yet, maybe she, your sister, and anyone else who wants to can get similar but lower heeled shoes. This way she's not the only different one. There's a nice thing about uniformality but then again, there's also something really nice about everyone feeling comfortable and looking their best, though slightly different.
I hope this helps.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
as far as the shoe goes i gave them two options: one higher and one lower (my MOH actually insisted on the higher one bc its prettier lol but i wanted to be nice).... but i suppose both shoes are not to her liking... i can compromise on shall/bolero/straps. i was asking davids bridal about making thick straps but they don't do that... she'd have to take that to a tailor so that would be even more money :( it just seems as though she hates the dress altogether but if i compromise for her shouldn't i compromise for ALL of the bridesmaids??? they all didn't Love the dress... one wanted straps, one wanted flowy, etc. i wish she would have told me earlier orrr when i asked her to be in the bridal party to let me know her concerns from the get go instead of after we already chose a dress and half the bridal party already bought it... :/
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
I feel so bad for you! Maybe you could see how much the matching shawl is at David's and give it to her as part of the bridesmaid gift (and just reduce what else you give her. Like if you give everyone else earrings and a bracelet, she just get a bracelet). Or something like that. SOrry if that sounds corny, just trying to brainstorm solutions for you! I think not having her in the wedding may end up turning into a big regret later on, so dealing with frustration is the lesser of two evils.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
thanks everyone for the replies.... i have no idea how i should have the wording in my email back to her.... :-/ fh said he would talk to her ...
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
first let me say I think your FSIL is rude for even expressing to you in the way that she did that she was unhappy with your choice in shoes and dress. Next I would think that maybe you can compromise on the height of the heels. Some people cant walk with high heels.
I personally would not compromise on the dress at all and if she feels that she IS NOT going to wear the dress than I would remove her from the wedding party and explain to whoever asks why she opted to not participate. Just like your sister is doing, she can wear a corset under the dress.
I personally would not compromise on the dress at all and if she feels that she IS NOT going to wear the dress than I would remove her from the wedding party and explain to whoever asks why she opted to not participate. Just like your sister is doing, she can wear a corset under the dress.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
as someone who is getting married and will be bm in my fsil i will say this..........
if idont like the dress and shoes fsil has picked i will be expressing my feelings buttttttt i will not be rude or disrespectful about it. we have a great relationship with each other and because of this we are very honest with each other.
for my wedding i am picking out the color and fabric for the bm gowns. i am giving them the option to choose what works best for them.
what are they 5year olds? i dont need to tell them what to wear.
same goes for shoes. my fsil cannot walk in thin high heels for her life but my moh/sis can.
do i really want to make my girls uncomfy for the sake of 'tradition' NOT!!!
i want them all to be happy!!!
jmo
if idont like the dress and shoes fsil has picked i will be expressing my feelings buttttttt i will not be rude or disrespectful about it. we have a great relationship with each other and because of this we are very honest with each other.
for my wedding i am picking out the color and fabric for the bm gowns. i am giving them the option to choose what works best for them.
what are they 5year olds? i dont need to tell them what to wear.
same goes for shoes. my fsil cannot walk in thin high heels for her life but my moh/sis can.
do i really want to make my girls uncomfy for the sake of 'tradition' NOT!!!
i want them all to be happy!!!
jmo
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
I am giving leway with Shoes as well... there really is something to be said for having shoes that you feel comfortable in...
she will have to suffer through the dress tho... everyone has to be in that position of a dress that doesnt flatter them... obviously you want your BP to look great... unless she looks truly ridiculous in the dress then its pretty much tough luck for her...
she will have to suffer through the dress tho... everyone has to be in that position of a dress that doesnt flatter them... obviously you want your BP to look great... unless she looks truly ridiculous in the dress then its pretty much tough luck for her...
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Can you comprimise?
Get her to wear the dress and let her wear whatever shoes she wants.
Personally I think shoes are important to the person who has to wear them... it's their feet and they need to feel comfortable standing in them all day long. Because of that I'm letting all my girls pick out and wear whatever shoes they want to wear.
You could give them color guidelines for the shoes too... this way they don't look mis matched. OR You could have them buy whatever dyable shoes they want and just have them all dyed the same color. This way they get to choose their shoes... but they will all still match color wise. I think payless has a HUGE selection of less expensive shoes that are dyable or weddings. You should check into that. David's Bridal might also have the same thing.
I think the dress is a hard hurdle to get over. Could you perhaps gently remind her that she said she would wear whatever you wanted her to wear... and that you are willing to meet her halfway with the shoes... but the dress is harder to change since it's been ordered AND everyone has to be in the same dress.
Your other option is to have the girls wear any dress they want but all in the same color. Some brides who do this actually pick out 2 or 3 dresses sometimes more for the girls to choose from... and then they all just wear it in the same color. I've seen this done many times.
Not that this matters now... but did you just go with 2 bridesmaids and then order it on the spot? I would have picked the dress but not ordered it that day... instead sent the picture out to everyone to make sure they were comfortable with it before placing the actual order. That would have avoided this whole fiasco. Adults like choices rather being told what to do and wear... so if you give them the option you usually get more of a buy in from them. My MAIN concern with my BM's was that they were all comfortable. In my eyes... a comfortable BM = a Happy BM. But I've also been told that I'm not a normal bride because I'm sooo laid back and not demanding in the least with things.
Get her to wear the dress and let her wear whatever shoes she wants.
Personally I think shoes are important to the person who has to wear them... it's their feet and they need to feel comfortable standing in them all day long. Because of that I'm letting all my girls pick out and wear whatever shoes they want to wear.
You could give them color guidelines for the shoes too... this way they don't look mis matched. OR You could have them buy whatever dyable shoes they want and just have them all dyed the same color. This way they get to choose their shoes... but they will all still match color wise. I think payless has a HUGE selection of less expensive shoes that are dyable or weddings. You should check into that. David's Bridal might also have the same thing.
I think the dress is a hard hurdle to get over. Could you perhaps gently remind her that she said she would wear whatever you wanted her to wear... and that you are willing to meet her halfway with the shoes... but the dress is harder to change since it's been ordered AND everyone has to be in the same dress.
Your other option is to have the girls wear any dress they want but all in the same color. Some brides who do this actually pick out 2 or 3 dresses sometimes more for the girls to choose from... and then they all just wear it in the same color. I've seen this done many times.
Not that this matters now... but did you just go with 2 bridesmaids and then order it on the spot? I would have picked the dress but not ordered it that day... instead sent the picture out to everyone to make sure they were comfortable with it before placing the actual order. That would have avoided this whole fiasco. Adults like choices rather being told what to do and wear... so if you give them the option you usually get more of a buy in from them. My MAIN concern with my BM's was that they were all comfortable. In my eyes... a comfortable BM = a Happy BM. But I've also been told that I'm not a normal bride because I'm sooo laid back and not demanding in the least with things.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Posted by brecken5
another thing that kills me is that i was SET on the color pink but because i chose davids bridal (for the bigger sizes AND location ease for all the bridesmaids) i had to go with purple (they didn't have a pink that i liked).... ive already compromised a bit though they may not know that *tear*
If they don't know that.. then you should tell them. I would write back with some sort of comprimise to show you are trying to work with them. Also mention the areas where you feel you have already changed things to make them more comfortable.
Bottom line is you want happy BM's.
Also - While I feel it's fine that she expressed her concerns of what she didn't like... it sounds as though she was a tad rude in doing so. By this I'm specifically talking about the threatening you to drop out of the wedding party!! That's rude!!! You are right... she did agree to be in the wedding party in the first place.
What kind of shoes did you ask them to get?
Such a cute dress!!! BUT I can see why someone who is a tad on the heavier or bustier side might have a problem with it. However... it could also have a very slimming effect as well. Did they actually try it on? Perhaps they would like it better if they tried it on?
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
I was already told by my FMIL that her daughter cant have a strapless dress because she will loose her chest. She is on the heavier side too, and would feel unconfortable.
I desided from then that I will pick a color and fabris and let all the girls pick what they are most confortable in- as long as they all look good together. Everyone always says they will wear whatever the bride wants- but when they hate the dress that much- they look unhappy and it will show in the pictures.
Sorry you are having this issue- i know it is stressful.
I desided from then that I will pick a color and fabris and let all the girls pick what they are most confortable in- as long as they all look good together. Everyone always says they will wear whatever the bride wants- but when they hate the dress that much- they look unhappy and it will show in the pictures.
Sorry you are having this issue- i know it is stressful.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Why can't she just wear whatever shoes she wants? That's what I'm having my BM's do. I can't imagine telling someone they have to wear a certain shoe.
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Posted by MrsBlueRibbon
I can't imagine telling someone they have to wear a certain shoe.
Every wedding ive been in we've had to wear the same shoes...
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Re: the drama is starting! i need help!
Posted by brecken5
another thing that kills me is that i was SET on the color pink but because i chose davids bridal (for the bigger sizes AND location ease for all the bridesmaids) i had to go with purple (they didn't have a pink that i liked).... ive already compromised a bit though they may not know that *tear*
i know this is going to sound a bit crazy but when choosing our colors i really had to think long and hard about this. i really wanted to make sure i picked something that would be flattering to all of them. so i picked a light green/moss color. 2 out of 4 liked the idea. so i decided to throw in another option. a purple/eggplant color and the remaining 2 loved it!!! which works out great because those were the colors fh and i really like together.
even if they hated the colors i picked i probably wouldve done a rainbow affect(think SATC movie) just to make them happy.
i think its fair that if they are spending money on a gown and shoes they should be happy with it.
if guest can wear whatever they want why shouldnt the bm?
please please please keep in mind that this is jmo on how i feel about my wedding.
