The drama never ends-UPDATE

My FMIL was going to plan to my shower since I lost my mom several years ago, the shower is supposed to be a surprise. Well, today I get a call from my aunt who says she is going to do my shower, asks me what dates in July I am available and tells me it will be in Brooklyn (mind you, she is the only one from Brooklyn). I call FH to tell him and he says his mom already put a deposit down on a restaurant. FMIL calls my aunt and my aunt blows up at her and says it is the responsibility of the brides side to do the shower and she shouldnt take that away from her. So, she is still going to look at places in Bklyn. If she finds one FMIL will have to get her deposit back. If she doesnt find a place, she may use the place FMIL chose (if she approves of it) and will just pay for it. Is it me or is this just wrong? I think my FMIL should be able to throw the shower since she already did most of the planning.

Update: So, my aunt will be throwing the shower. FMIL is ok with this. She will be able to get her deposit back and she has no problem that my aunt wants to do it (my FMIL is the best). The best part is, my shower will be at Westbury Manor. I am so excited, it is such a beautiful place.

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Posted by Mygmans

My FMIL was going to plan to my shower since I lost my mom several years ago, the shower is supposed to be a surprise. Well, today I get a call from my aunt who says she is going to do my shower, asks me what dates in July I am available and tells me it will be in Brooklyn (mind you, she is the only one from Brooklyn). I call FH to tell him and he says his mom already put a deposit down on a restaurant. FMIL calls my aunt and my aunt blows up at her and says it is the responsibility of the brides side to do the shower and she shouldnt take that away from her. So, she is still going to look at places in Bklyn. If she finds one FMIL will have to get her deposit back. If she doesnt find a place, she may use the place FMIL chose (if she approves of it) and will just pay for it. Is it me or is this just wrong? I think my FMIL should be able to throw the shower since she already did most of the planning.

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TOTALLY!!! That is SOOOOO sweet of FMIL to do this for you and I think your aunt needs to share in helping but not out and out put down everything your FMIL already did

Why not just have 2 showers... just to keep the peace?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just went through something very similar with my own shower planning. The only advice I can give you is to have whomever you want to really plan the shower do just that. I've learned from my experience that no matter what I decided, someones feelings were going to get hurt. If you want FMIL to plan the shower, and if no one else lives in Brooklyn, there is no reason I can see why it has to be planned by your Aunt and why it needs to be in that location. If your Aunt does not want to be involved if FMIL is the primary planner, that is her loss. JHMO.

at least you know everyone loves you and wants to make sure you have a special shower

I know there's drama but try to llok at the bright side. Your FMIL must be so happy to have you as her future daughter in law to throw you a shower. You seem to have so many people that care about you. Try to let them work it out....it will all turn out ok.

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Posted by Mygmans

My FMIL was going to plan to my shower since I lost my mom several years ago, the shower is supposed to be a surprise. Well, today I get a call from my aunt who says she is going to do my shower, asks me what dates in July I am available and tells me it will be in Brooklyn (mind you, she is the only one from Brooklyn). I call FH to tell him and he says his mom already put a deposit down on a restaurant. FMIL calls my aunt and my aunt blows up at her and says it is the responsibility of the brides side to do the shower and she shouldnt take that away from her. So, she is still going to look at places in Bklyn. If she finds one FMIL will have to get her deposit back. If she doesnt find a place, she may use the place FMIL chose (if she approves of it) and will just pay for it. Is it me or is this just wrong? I think my FMIL should be able to throw the shower since she already did most of the planning.

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I'm so sorry you're stuck in the middle of this drama though it is nice that you have not one but two people who want to throw you a shower. I think your aunt is a little out of line to blow up at your FMIL. Your FMIL didn't do anything wrong, not to mention, no one lives in Brooklyn so it sounds to me like it would be inconvenient for everyone to attend except your aunt. Maybe you could speak to your aunt and try to explain that your FMIL was not trying to steal or infringe on your family's responsibility but that she was just trying to be nice. You may also want to explain that it's not really 'proper etiquette' (though I absolutely dispise that term) for your family to be throwing the shower. It's typically thrown by the BP and sometimes split by the two families.

Wow...this is tough. I think that it is SOO sweet that your FMIL is planning the shower. Your aunt means well it seems, but since your FMIL has done so much already, it only seems fair that she continue with the plans. Perhaps you can put your aunt in touch with your FMIL...perhaps she can contribute in another way...the cake, favors, etc.

I actually hosted my FSIL's shower because her and FH's mom is passed and it was wonderful. her FMIL threw her one also (FSIL lives in Florida). it meant a lot to her that someone on 'her' side was involved in planning her shower, so i think you should definitely include your aunt where you can.

GOOD LUCK... and look on the bright side, EVERYONE LOVES YOU! :)

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Posted by Jen2999

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Posted by Mygmans

My FMIL was going to plan to my shower since I lost my mom several years ago, the shower is supposed to be a surprise. Well, today I get a call from my aunt who says she is going to do my shower, asks me what dates in July I am available and tells me it will be in Brooklyn (mind you, she is the only one from Brooklyn). I call FH to tell him and he says his mom already put a deposit down on a restaurant. FMIL calls my aunt and my aunt blows up at her and says it is the responsibility of the brides side to do the shower and she shouldnt take that away from her. So, she is still going to look at places in Bklyn. If she finds one FMIL will have to get her deposit back. If she doesnt find a place, she may use the place FMIL chose (if she approves of it) and will just pay for it. Is it me or is this just wrong? I think my FMIL should be able to throw the shower since she already did most of the planning.

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TOTALLY!!! That is SOOOOO sweet of FMIL to do this for you and I think your aunt needs to share in helping but not out and out put down everything your FMIL already did

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I agree. I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I hope everything works out for you

im really so sorry that you have this situation ....your aunt probably feels like your next of kin and wants to make it special for you...

i think fmil should have consulted her before putting a deposit on a hall..i kind of agree with aunt- it is the brides side to do the shower..your aunt just wants you to have the best and nicest shower ever..and probably feels guilty for not making the plans soon enough...and is probably upset with fmil that she did not consult her before putting a deposit down and feels left out.

just try to understand your aunt's side....to me hosting a shower is something special...just like picking out a gown..and i think thats something your side of the family should be heavily involved in.

dont worry..either way, you will have a beautiful shower..

Sorry you had to go through taht but sounds like it's all working out well!!