The ex factor please give me your opinion

Original post by Lee31200

Sep 04, 2003 09:17 PM

hi! I need your help with something. So my fiance's twin sister just got her wedding video back from when she got married a couple of months ago. The video is great execpt for one part. At the begining when there are all pictures of them growing up is a picture of my fiance who was my fiance at the time of the wedding, his sister, her now husband and my fiance's ex girlfriend of like three years. I thought that me and his sister were getting really close and i had always said she would be in my wedding party but now i feel like crap. I just don't understand why she would put that picture in there. Am i over reacting?

Jordan Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:31 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

I'm really surprised by some of the responses here. Based on this, I should be upset that FHs mom has a picture of all the cousins in the family and their SOs on the side of her fridge from a reunion 8 years ago - including FH with his, then girlfriend, sitting next to him??

I really don't understand why people are so threatened by someone's past. The sister obviously liked the picture and chose to put it in HER wedding video. What exactly am I missing here?!?

Cindy Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:34 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

That would bother me. Of all the pictures she has, to add that one? She already did it and its done, but why is the question.
So sorry

cookiek1 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:38 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

CP0329

The picture on the fridge is one thing, it will come down. Also god knows how long it has been there, not to mention it includes the WHOLE FAMILY. Her wedding album is a picture with 4 people (COUPLES). I guess the question to ask is 'Would you do that to your FSIL?'

I wouldn't even think of it, no matter how much I liked the picture. It is just insensitive and thoughtless. JMO

Maribelle7777 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:43 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

I'm confused. Why would a picture on their wedding video that contains a picture of your FH's ex mean that you and your FSIL are not growing close? If that's what you mean, I wouldn't think that is the case. Maybe she liked the picture. Maybe her husband liked it and wnated it there. Doesn't mean they prefer the ex over you.

I'm sure they didn't put the picture in their wedding video to offend you. I would not worry about it. If I'm misunderstanding you, I'm sorry

I'm sure it has nothing to do with the way your FSIL feels about you

I'd still go ahead and have her in your wedding party

kelly6273 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:43 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

That's terrible! I can't believe she did that to you!

Scoop Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:44 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

This would bother me too but I wouldn't make a big deal about it. People can be so clueless sometimes.

Jordan Posted: Sep 05, 2003 09:46 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

Like I said, the picture on the fridge is 8 years old...it ain't coming down. Regardless of the whole family being in it, it still has FH sitting cozy with his then girlfriend (the ex just before me).

Just like the picture in the brides video is of the bride with her (now) husband and her brother...the video is for the bride and groom. I honestly don't see the big deal. Maybe it was the only pic the bride had of her with her brother. There are a lot of factors but it comes down to the decision of one person. I honestly wouldn't be upset with it and truly don't understand why anyone would.

endlessluv429 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 10:05 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

I would be upset--I mean really-have some tact. Obviously if a couple was @ my wedding and then broke up by the time the video was being done i would remove it-it's not worth the hard feelings and awkwardness it could potentially cause.

070502 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 10:56 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

It's no big deal to get upset over. She put dating memories in and that was one they felt they should share. So what she might have made your Fsil's wedding video montage but you will have your own wedding video with your HUSBAND!
I have many pictures of my husband's X around our home. He went to all of his prom's with her and they went to HS together plus so she is in some albums that I have as well as some his family has but it doesn't bother me because I'm his wife. The same thing with myself I have pictures from high school and college with include guys my husband would rather not see but everyone has a past so why hide it.
I myself have an older brother and his X girlfriend is in all my prom pictures, my high school graduation pictures, she visited me up in college, we worked together at one time.. etc.. etc.. she was part of our family at one time and she is in pictures there is nothing I can do about it, but she was my friend as well.

I guess my 2cents would be, try to get over it. When everyone else is watching her video they probably aren't looking at your Fiance's x they are looking at the pictures of the bride and groom.

jags77 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 11:39 AM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

This would bother me too. I think it's rude to put a 'couples' picture in her wedding video - esp since you 2 were engaged at the time of her wedding.

A friend of FBIL made him an album and there is a picture of FH holding his ex- it makes me sick- but it's also bc there is a history of her and her family being psychotic with fh's family.

I don't know if I'd say anything either- but you said you just wanted to vent and aren't planning on saying something to her. Did you say something to FH about it?

ILT1221 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 12:07 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

Yep that would definitely bother me too. But maybe it was a simple oversight on her part. When she was picking out the picture maybe she didn't think it was a big deal since you got the guy in the end. I think the best thing to do would be to just talk it over with her. Perhaps her shedding some light on the situation will make you feel better, especially if the inclusion of the picture was just an oversight.

Xelindrya Posted: Sep 05, 2003 12:52 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

CP:

I think its more of an issue that it may not upset you, but can you imagine how it could upset another person? I personally could care less.. My FH dated his ex 5 years before she dumped him.. he really loved her and wanted to marry her.. so offically Im the 'rebound chic'. Still, I don't care about photos with them cozy as long as it's not at MY wedding montage!!

But I can see how someone who is on a high of being 'the one' he loves and 'the one' forever will be with and basically on a high of pre marriage bliss .. may just be a tad put off by seeing her man up on a big screen with his ex.

Perhaps the sister really didn't think it out.. an innocent mistake.. but if it were malicious in intent then that's another story. Hence, I say talk to the sister first. But I can see how it COULD upset someone.

I guess the bottom line is.. each to their own.. it may not upset you but it could upset others.

*Shrug*

Jordan Posted: Sep 05, 2003 01:29 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

Um, thanks Xelindrya.

She *asked* for an *opinion* and that's what I gave...mine happens to be in the minority on this one, cest la vie.

Maribelle7777 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 04:35 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

she asked for an *opinion* but not to be told that maybe her FSIL is *retarded*.

It was probably an oversight that no one even thought would be a problem for our fellow poster.

Am I saying she should not be upset? No. Can't help how you feel. But I don't think it should be made into an issue with FSIL because I have a feeling it wasn't a picture that was put in there intentionally to hurt our fellow poster. If someoen wanted her to know that they prefer the 'ex', putting a picture into someone else's wedding video, which our fellow poster will probably never see again, is not the way to do it. And making an issue of it might make it seem that she is overly sensitive and that might not be the case at all either. But I would highly doubt that the FSIL is retarded for doing that. And I don't think that our fellow poster would appreciate having her FSIL being called that.

neen Posted: Sep 05, 2003 04:38 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

I would totally be upset too. Why would she do that. Maybe she was not thinking--but how could she not??? At least it is not your video. I would not say anything any just try to forget about it. And remember your FH is with YOU and not his ex!!!!!

Jordan Posted: Sep 05, 2003 05:02 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

Well said Maribelle (again)...

Lee31200 Posted: Sep 05, 2003 05:25 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

I understand that people have pasts and so and so. and I am not a crazy jealous person, but it jsut bothers me that the picture was in there. I'll get over it and not say anything. i jsut wanted to vent to you guys and see what you thought.

Misty Posted: Sep 05, 2003 05:31 PM

Re: The ex factor please give me your opinion

I'm going to ask the obvious question here that no one else asked:

How did she and her DH look in the picture? Because odds are, that's all she was concentrating on!

I would take it with a grain of salt....granted, it was a very silly thing to do and I would never do that to anyone...but let her be the one to explain it to everyone who sees the video. It'll appear very silly then.