the 'i hate myself' update

So i get home after a horrible week of teaching 1st graders and a wedding nightmare last night to find an email from FMIL telling me to add a couples name to our guest list cause they are friends of FH grandmother


((Edit Questionable Abbreviation)) What!!??

So now Im furious that this is gonna be the 1st out of a hundred 'friends' who i dont know to get invited

but.....My IL's are paying for the wedding. Something I had originally didnt want b/c of guest list issues but I also dont want to be in debt

basically, Im a wuss and I hate myself

Re: ugh I hate myself

ohhh dont hate yourself unfortunately since they are paying for the wedding you are just going to have to accept their additions, maybe they wont have that many

Re: ugh I hate myself

Thanks Aga


Ok I have had time to relax and calm down

I think all my anger of this week came out when I got home and read the email

not asking, but telling me to add a couple pissed me off big time


I dont even know these people and I hate that about weddings. Everyone thinks their entitled.


I realize I prob sound like a brat for complaining when Im not even paying for most of the wedding (Personally I am putting 10,000 that my grandmother left for me in bonds, plus we have 6 thou from our engagement party...IL's are chipping in the rest so actually I alone am paying for more than they will so Im in charge!!!!)

What do I do?? Should I say somethin to FMIL about this upsetting me?

Re: ugh I hate myself

Yeah I had a problem with my father with that. He is paying only for the food, but he gives me this list of people, that if we could afford it, even I would invite. But he tells me the limit is 100 people. So with all his people and all my ILs people, Kevin and I would not be able to eat at our own wedding much less our own friends. So we had to stop it there. Especially because my FMIL started this whole, 'well if your father can have friends there then Walter will be upset if he can't have friends there' Uh hello. What are you paying for.

Sorry, this is not about me. I have no advice because I am in a 'tell the to screw themselves mood tight now'

Sorry

Re: ugh I hate myself

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Posted by Anti-Bride

Thanks Aga


Ok I have had time to relax and calm down

I think all my anger of this week came out when I got home and read the email

not asking, but telling me to add a couple pissed me off big time


I dont even know these people and I hate that about weddings. Everyone thinks their entitled.


I realize I prob sound like a brat for complaining when Im not even paying for most of the wedding (Personally I am putting 10,000 that my grandmother left for me in bonds, plus we have 6 thou from our engagement party...IL's are chipping in the rest so actually I alone am paying for more than they will so Im in charge!!!!)

What do I do?? Should I say somethin to FMIL about this upsetting me?

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you dont sound like a brat, I thought they were paying for the whole wedding... if you are paying for most of it it is a different matter altogether.... I would just have a talk with your FMIL and let her know who is in charge if you let her win this time, there unfortunately will be others

Re: ugh I hate myself

How about mentioning something about an invite cap? Otherwise she will probably keep adding onto this list as time goes on. You could politely say that you guys don't want to have the wedding too big and the guest list is a bit out of control.

Re: ugh I hate myself

thats a good idea doodles

FH said he wanted to find out what this was all about last night but hes pretty much a mamma's boy anyway so i doubt he will resolve this how i would like

I just dont understand why people think they are entitled to invite their own friends

i love his grandmother dearly but come on...they are supposed to be my guests, not yours

and i dont care about any gifts they will bring...i just want an intimate day

Re: ugh I hate myself

I've said this before. IMO, I don't believe that just because you are getting financial help for the wedding entitles people to make it their own party. It's your wedding and the gift of money is just that...a gift, given with love. There should be no strings attached. Set the record straight now so you can avoid this later. You and your FH should have the final veto on the guest list.

Re: the 'i hate myself' update

UPDATE

So FH is on the phone with mom and casually mentions 'who is this couple' she goes 'i dunno friends of your grandmothers'
FH: well i really dont want just anyone going to our wedding, id like to at least know who they are MIL: deal with it and put them on the list

Then she is curt with him and hangs up


I was in shock cause thats something my mom would do...not his mom

So now im yelling, raising hell about how well then im gonna cut the list if shes gonna be like that, lets she how she likes it when her friends arent invited


Were still waiting for another call...i just wanted to know who they are and why she feels her mother can just invite anyone she wants



I thought this was mine and my Fh's wedding- dont we get to make the guest list?

Re: the 'i hate myself' update

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Posted by Anti-Bride

I thought this was mine and my Fh's wedding- dont we get to make the guest list?

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Yes you definitly have a say in the guest list, but since they are chipping in they also get a say in the guest list.

Re: the 'i hate myself' update

tell them to keep their money..that's for shock value...then they can explain to their friends and family why they are not invited-to keep the guest list down so you can afford to pay for it. This really gets me steamed!
I still think that the money is a gift and should not have strings attached..