The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Original post by Xelindrya
So I called my Dad... *sigh* here it is... ..........
:ME: Got your list Dad, it's awfully short. Is there more coming? Oh and there's no addresses
:DAD: Sure maybe two more that's about it. I'll send the addresses if you want, or we can send out the invites (I don't trust him with this)
:ME: So with those two and included you and Oscar (my bro) that's 15 invites. That's it? And out of those and not including you and Oscar only one of them is a maybe to come? I'll send out the invites, Dad, I want to keep track of the timing.
:DAD: Well it's not our fault you had to pick a big reception hall for 100's of people. We don't know New York, maybe that's the smallest you could find, but you can't expect us to force people to go.
:ME: Force people to go? NO! but you could at least ASK Them!
:DAD: Im sending invites to those I think will give money.
:ME: MONEY?? Who cares about money, It will be you, me, Jim and about 20 people right now in a place set for 100!!!!! Even 50 would have seemed sorta empty
:DAD: Who cares about how many show up. As long as you're happy and married to Jim.
:ME: Im not happy if Im alone there.
:DAD: That was your choice. You could have gotten married in Texas and I'd have filled the hall.
:ME: With people who I don't know and have to drag Jim and his family down and plan remotely and since you're not helping pay for the wedding pay almost as much as I would here because the extra travel expenses.
:DAD: Well invited your coworkers and stuff. And it's not my fault you're having an expensive wedding. I can't afford to help you.
:ME: Expensive wedding? For who? At most and best you say you 'may' be able to offer $2000 total. Even in Texas I couldnt get married for that. And like I hadn't thought of other invites.. nevermind, love you dad, I gotta go, bye.
:DAD: *sigh* bye.
........
I hate these calls!
I don't want to make him feel bad. I love him to death but God it's frustrating. He gave me a handwriten (badly, I might add) list of names without last names and some said things like 'Little Jerry and his wife' Who's his wife?
bentwich
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
I sympathize entirely -- it's so hard to remind yourself to have no expectations of those you love.
My situtation is similar to yours in that I have picked a location that, as my family reminds me every chance they can, is very inconvenient (montauk). So I have NO idea what my attendance will be -- I could be in the same situation. The irony, in my case, however is that my family lives in NY and has a summer house near Westhampton. So, at most, we're talking a 1-2 hour distance to the wedding site from the summer house.
I think you're right that, by marrying later in life, (which is my deal too), you lose the interest, attention, and enthusiasm of your family... which really sucks. When I got engaged, a family member said 'are you going to wear a big poofy white dress?' to which I remember thinking 'is there some reason I shouldn't? hmm... is it inappropriate to have a real wedding when you're 34? Never thought about that before... am I being a silly little girl thinking I can have a wedding?' And the point is, that until this family member opened her mouth, I was coasting along in my happy little bubble. Family can break your heart, but they are your blood and, if you accept that everyone is a little selfish sometimes, and just do what you think will make you happy, most people will ultimately get on board with it all....
Anyway, I'm sorry that it's stressing you out so much -- have you considered renting a house somewhere and doing a tented affair? That way you are under no obligation, other than to the caterer, regarding a headcount, you can have whatever set-up you want, and you can pick whatever date you want. Just a thought.... I wish you the best of luck, and the strongest of wills in keeping your head focused on the really important stuff...ie you and your FH.
JimmysBride
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Don't know what to say except
Oh and, I'll come!! You can also take some of my guests... actually, please, take some of my guests!!
It'll work out, I'm sure, and even if the turn out is less than you had hoped for in the end, your day is going to be wonderful and memorable -- don't stop believing that!
lullabella
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Sorry If I were you I would defainetly switch to a smaller place. You shouldn't be looking to invited random people jsut to meet you Hall minimum. IMO the only people that should be there are the people who you love and are close with. If that means you will have 40 people, then so be it.
Good luck
SReidy
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
I'm sorry you have to go through this!!! It'll all work out in the end though! Could you go down to TX Just you and your FH (after you're married) for a reception so your dad can feel like they get to throw you a wedding too? And do something smaller & intimate up here? But still have your close family come to the reception up here. Just a thought...
september2004
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Posted by lullabella
Sorry If I were you I would defainetly switch to a smaller place. You shouldn't be looking to invited random people jsut to meet you Hall minimum. IMO the only people that should be there are the people who you love and are close with. If that means you will have 40 people, then so be it.
Good luck
TOTALLY agree...
Xelindrya
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Posted by SReidy
I'm sorry you have to go through this!!! It'll all work out in the end though! Could you go down to TX Just you and your FH (after you're married) for a reception so your dad can feel like they get to throw you a wedding too? And do something smaller & intimate up here? But still have your close family come to the reception up here. Just a thought...
We *are* already married
We got married by City Hall on Oct 23 of 2003. This is our one year anniversary and wedding reception. (no we wont be 'renewing vows')
Dad lives in IA now.. our extended family is in TX. I moved to NYC then 6months later Dad followed my brother to IA. Why? Grandson of course.
I will indeed invite a few LIW girls.
My own personal photographer of my Civil Marriage is already invited if she can come off cloud nine from her honeymoon. (Jannshari) I'm sure others will be invited too. I don't want it as a LIW Gathering cause unlike the last time, this time this really IS my a wedding not just a trial of services. Some things were said (by me) for the last one and hurt people's feelings, but I had assumed that the last gathering was just a vendor trial. I was wrong. I feel guilty about that (and settled the issue) but I wonder, ya know. If I invited LIW will it be a nick pick by the Brides to be and Newlyweds. Im having a smaller scale budget than most of the people here. I wanted the 'Genuine made for you' feeling at my wedding.
I digress.
Look, Im just bummed. Maybe in the next few months things will turn around. I doubt it but we'll see.
MrHostility
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
How about a room in East Wind? I thought someone on here said they have very nice smaller rooms.
bufni01
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
If you are considering switching your reception location, I have a suggestion: Bella Verdi in Deer Park. I went to a wedding there this past summer. They had 50 guests and it was beautiful. (They can fit up to 100, but it looked fine with 50.) It's on a golf course and has a pretty view of the green. Although it is small, it is a one-affair place so you'd have personal attention, it is reasonably priced, and it is a traditional wedding hall (dance floor, cocktail hour, formal dinner, etc.). The caterer who is affiliated with the hall is Papa Joe's and the food was very good - high end for a reasonable cost.
It might be worth looking into: Papa Joe's Presents Bella Address: 600 Long Island Ave, Deer Park, NY 11729 Phone: (631) 242-0073
Hope this helps!
bridget&jimmy
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
I think is also under $50 a head, I was looking into this place for my Godson's Christening. Also I to will attest the food is great, I have been to many of occassions at Papa Joes and it is the same food as Bella Verdi's
Bridget
Xelindrya
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Talked to Jim about moving locations.. and he's not up for it.. My heart isnt in to it either. We wouldn't mind 60-80 in the Hall we have now.. but to move would cost us our deposit and also we don't feel we'd be as happy..we'd be settling for second best.
Thanks for the suggestions!!
janwinterbridejoy
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
if you think you would be settling then i wouldnt do it. i would speak to your relatives yourself and ask them to come and tell them how important it is to you. what about work friends ???
katieslp
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
I don't know your family, but it might be that your dad is embarrassed to invite a lot of people to a wedding that he can't help pay for. I don't know, but I've seen people in my family and my friends' families do a lot of things out of pride even when they don't seem to make any sense.
akanini
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
I feel so bad for you. Try your best to invite more people. I really don't know what to say.
brideinapril
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Wow, I don't know what to say either, I too have a very small family, 6 people total, I have no aunts or uncles. Just my parents,brother and wife and my son. I know how it feels. My friends are limited, like 2 couples and thats it. I'm lucky if I can fill one table!! However my fi has a big family, all of which I don't really know. But I totally feel for you and your situation.
jannshari
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Re: The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)
Ronie, this will all work out. You may be pleasantly surprised when the time comes. I guess it's just time for you to suck it up, be nice, go out, and kiss some asses and make some new friends.
Don't sweat it. You'll figure out a way. I'll do what I can to help.
