The Lastest in my lack of attendance Drama... (VENT)

So I called my Dad...
*sigh* here it is...
..........

:ME: Got your list Dad, it's awfully short. Is there more coming? Oh and there's no addresses

:DAD: Sure maybe two more that's about it. I'll send the addresses if you want, or we can send out the invites (I don't trust him with this)

:ME: So with those two and included you and Oscar (my bro) that's 15 invites. That's it? And out of those and not including you and Oscar only one of them is a maybe to come? I'll send out the invites, Dad, I want to keep track of the timing.

:DAD: Well it's not our fault you had to pick a big reception hall for 100's of people. We don't know New York, maybe that's the smallest you could find, but you can't expect us to force people to go.

:ME: Force people to go? NO! but you could at least ASK Them!

:DAD: Im sending invites to those I think will give money.

:ME: MONEY?? Who cares about money, It will be you, me, Jim and about 20 people right now in a place set for 100!!!!! Even 50 would have seemed sorta empty

:DAD: Who cares about how many show up. As long as you're happy and married to Jim.

:ME: Im not happy if Im alone there.

:DAD: That was your choice. You could have gotten married in Texas and I'd have filled the hall.

:ME: With people who I don't know and have to drag Jim and his family down and plan remotely and since you're not helping pay for the wedding pay almost as much as I would here because the extra travel expenses.

:DAD: Well invited your coworkers and stuff. And it's not my fault you're having an expensive wedding. I can't afford to help you.

:ME: Expensive wedding? For who? At most and best you say you 'may' be able to offer $2000 total. Even in Texas I couldnt get married for that. And like I hadn't thought of other invites.. nevermind, love you dad, I gotta go, bye.

:DAD: *sigh* bye.

........

I hate these calls!


I don't want to make him feel bad. I love him to death but God it's frustrating. He gave me a handwriten (badly, I might add) list of names without last names and some said things like 'Little Jerry and his wife' Who's his wife?

Also Jim's mom isnt inviting much more than that either.

We invited our online buddy (other than here) who had a part in Jim & I meeting as well as some who have known us over the years and met up at our National 'Meets' otherwise called 'Gatherings' that I coordinate for them.

It's getting pathetic!

well....how many people are on you FH's side? and what about friends of both of you, adn his family???
I understand its hard..it really is......but be happy your dad can be there at least...........

we are paying for our wedding ourselves aas well...but that way we make the choices....just remember its your special day adn keep yourself happy..it will all work out fine
don't worry
its natural to panic

i'm sorry!!!

if your list is dwindeling...why not have your reception at a really nice resaurant instead of a reception hall.

Its just culturally shocking for me.
Hispanics don't leave their only last female relative out to dry like this.

It's sad.

There are only 3 girls in our family and I'm the second youngest and the last to get married. I feel jipped.

You want family and friends. Dad likes to rub me that it (the wedding) isnt a big deal. I wish I had a mother figure who was excited and nervous about this with me, but I don't and my father's just not getting it.

Heck for a bit there even HE wasnt going to come. My own brother is still an if-y.

*sigh*

I'm so sorry! Sometimes people are kinda dense. You'll make your minimum, or I'll give you some of mine!

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Posted by Lisa Rose

if your list is dwindeling...why not have your reception at a really nice resaurant instead of a reception hall.

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Yeah... im beginning to wonder.
But I didnt want that. I wanted the dance and the sit down dinner, cocktail hour and ceremony all at one place. *sigh*

Current for sures.. including Jim & I is 18.
bah

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Posted by Xelindrya

You want family and friends. Dad likes to rub me that it (the wedding) isnt a big deal. I wish I had a mother figure who was excited and nervous about this with me, but I don't and my father's just not getting it.

Heck for a bit there even HE wasnt going to come. My own brother is still an if-y.

*sigh*

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I am in a similar position.. I read your posts and got a little pang inside. Those people who are having BIG weddings don't realize how hurtful it is when it seems as though noone cares about your wedding day. You WANT a room full of people there to celebrate -- that is the WHOLE POINT of having a nice wedding instead of just running off and eloping!

My FH's family is very enthusiastic about the wedding... they have been great. On the other hand, my family is marginally interested .. aside from my parents, brother/SIL and ONE uncle, noone else on my side cares at ALL. I think its also because its taken me a little longer to get married than the rest of my cousins, they've 'been there, done that' and I they cannot be bothered to ruin their 'summer vacations' by going to a wedding.

Then I DARED to have it on LI while my family lives in Westchester and Rockland County. My entire family from Florida already told me they aren't coming.

Well HELLO, I'm having it on LI b/c we are getting married in FH's church and HIS FAMILY is being 100% HELPFUL and SUPPORTIVE (thank GOD someone is!!)

I used to feel REALLY hurt about it .. I still do sometimes. I'm SLOOOOWLY getting over it. But I totally hear where you are coming from . Its just disappointing, that's all

Veronica -- I'd be at your wedding in a heartbeat!!! I might ask the same favor in return at the rate I'm going!!!!

I know finding people is tough, and it must be even tougher for you being as your family is out of state. Do you have friends at work you could invite? Would you be mad if people came from out of state, and they used your gift money just to get themselves to the wedding? If not, maybe tell your dad that.

I don't think it's fair to get mad at your father over money though, if $2000 is what he can give, be happy with it. Some people are stuck paying it all themselves. On the flip side, he does have a negative attitude towards your wedding location though. I'd be more mad about that.

There are places with more like a 75 minimum I think. Sorry, but I can't think of the names. How many no's did you get, if you already sent the invites?

I'm sorry you're going through this - it actually jolted me a bit, since I'm on the other end hoping some of my guest say no....

I hope it all works for you in the end. Don't forget that you can include vendors in your numbers too... And I think if you've formed some relationships on here, it would be great to invite some LIW ladies/men.

Your wedding is in the fall right? There is still time for people to change their mind.

Again, I hope you and Jim are happy.

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Posted by MrHostility

I don't think it's fair to get mad at your father over money though, if $2000 is what he can give, be happy with it. Some people are stuck paying it all themselves. On the flip side, he does have a negative attitude towards your wedding location though. I'd be more mad about that.

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I really don't mean to get mad at him about the money.. REALLY I DON'T. I love him to death I do. But he says one thing and does another. I know it's just him but it's frustrating. I told myself I would just NOT count on his money at all.. just me 100% but then he gets all wishy washy on me. 'Ill help' blah blah..so ok fine. Im on a tight budget tell me when you can help and how much and I'll just budget that in. Bills still have to be paid and I know he's got other stuff going on so I wanted to be fair. So he said $1600 in December. I have yet to see a penny. He called and said (and I quote) 'Ill send you 2 in February' Im thinking well it was supposed to be 1600 so .. '2' must mean 2,000 so I asked.. He nearly tore my head off. 'Are you nuts, how do you think I can afford that!?' Cuz you said 1600 by December and it's two months later and all you said was '2'? I felt foolish. He starts a guilt trip on how I want SOOO much money. Wait, I said I wanted nothing YOU offered. Forget it, keep the money and just come to the wedding. 'no no no, I can send $200' Fine. 'Every month' Fine. whatever. (I'll believe it when I see it) Then he says 'But if stuff happens'... I blew up. STUFF? This man has every new gadget made to man, sees every single movie good or bad on opening day (the movies are 40 miles AWAY!!!) and spends money like candy and you want me to be sympathic? It's hard.

So now Im at $200 in Feb. Maybe close to that or less each month until the wedding. Gimme a break. I know him well, he's my father. I'll expect nothing, not a single penny, but if we get money then I'll apply to the wedding. I wont even BEGIN on what happened when I said 'You still have to pay for Patricia's Dress (my sister and BM) '

*sigh*

He's a good man
He means well
Has GREAT heart
just a little dense when it comes to money matters - bless him.

Being negative about my wedding location, I mark down to losing his baby girl. I let those insults slide.

im sorry that your going through this. im sure it will work out for you and jim. your dad was correct in one thing that he said though if you and jim and your closest family and friends are there and thats all that really matters. you still have time to get a smaller place perhaps or you can always borrow my family lol im alway slooking to get rid of them . i agree with inviting some of the liw ladies im sure we would come lol..

I have found that parents can be very disappointing at this time...mine are divorced and remarried which is ok but they both stressed me out I had to stop it....my Dad is contributing $0 and my Mom said and I quote 'I'm not paying for a big party but I'll give you guys the down payment on a house of your choice' - well if I don't agree to move to Atlanta where she is after my wedding I can kiss that money goodbye I am thankful the FH and I have good jobs and can pay for the entire shindig our way...invite friends and family that are close to you...call them reach out you would be surprised who will come My side of the family is small only 1 cousin and 1 aunt who is deceased as well my grandparents but on my Dad's sides there are many & I called and they were happy to hear from me told me they wouldn't miss my day for anything- well now we have an A & B list I have too many guests! Go figure...I found being a Bride means standing up for yourself sometimes, its your day make it happen

veronica

I completely understand your situation. Although I think we are going to meet our minimum of 100, we won't have much more than that. People who I thought would never miss it are now telling me that they won't be able to make it. Like everyone else said - invite some LIW people - we'd love to come! No matter what happens, it is your special day and you will enjoy it. I'm sorry your family is behaving this way. We're all thrilled for you!!!

i was talking to mike and he 'they should invite some LIW people' .. the room will fill up then

I'm soooo sorry! You can borrow some of my people... they're mostly FMIL's friends and family... I dont even know them!!!!!! LOL... no, really though... I am sorry!!