The Madness has Started!!

Crisco718 Posted: Jan 12, 2003 08:19 PM

The Madness has Started!!

My invites are out and I started receiving responses. I talked to my stepmom and she informs me (not asks me) that my brother will be bringing his girlfriend to the wedding. I did not invite my brother’s girlfriend!! My brother is 16 years old!!! I told her that I have limited space and she tells me that she will pay for the girl’s meal! That is not the point! Is she crazy or what?

wacky Posted: Jan 12, 2003 08:22 PM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Tell her no or ask her for the $$ upfront. People are so ballsy. I hate it

Sorry

susans Posted: Jan 12, 2003 08:23 PM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

I know how you feel. I won't even get into what I went through.
I just wanted to come in and say that ****s and I'm sorry and I really feel for you.
My mom is crazy too.

Crisco718 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:10 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

What adds to all of this is that I have a big family! My sister who is 35 is not bringing a date(her choice), so why do they think that my 16 year old brother should.

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:19 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Good luck- my deadline for responses was the 10th & I still have 40 outstanding responses.. so now, the phone calls begin- why is everyone SO RUDE.

Valenia Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:21 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Choose your battles. This one doesn't seem worth fighting. Why upset both your mom and your brother, especially if she'll pay? Your brother will probably have a much better time at the wedding with his girlfriend there.

FYI - I was dating my husband when I was 16, so you never know! :o)

shamma Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:24 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

If you start letting one person do it, it will spread like wild fire. Put your foot down, stand your ground. People just think a wedding is a free for all. It is supposed to be for people that love an support your union, not just anyone that feels like coming. Don't let it get out of hand. All the best

Sassy Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:25 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

A 16 year old bringing a date, what the heck is going on now? It's OK if that's what you want, but obviously you dont. I agree w/Shamma, hold your ground or it's only going to get worse

Valenia Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:28 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

I just have to say this once more. How do you win by alienating your mom and brother? You will offend them both by 'putting your foot down.' This isn't your third cousin's college friend's roommate. These are the people closest to you -- all the more reason to accomodate their wishes.

Sassy Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:30 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

I will pipe in again. Obviously she is not close to this girlfriend or she wouldnt have posted this. I believe a bride should not have to have anyone attend her wedding she doesnt want there. Maybe she will to keep the peace but this should not even be an issue if she said NO.

Crisco718 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:32 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

What is bothering me most is that this was not discussed with me. They just decided to tell me what they are doing. Also, he is 16 years old!! I have a lot of siblings (11) and 3 foster brothers. This is madness!

shamma Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:34 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Valenia, why would her brother feel alienated?? this is not his day. It is a day for family to celebrate the union of his sister with her husband to be. Who to tell if this girl will be in the picture next month, he is only 16

shamma Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:35 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

It is your day and I think your family should respect your wishes, unless they are paying a major portion, then they get to have a say so

Sassy Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:36 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

I agree once again w/Shamma and Crisco. Next thing we know our 10 year old siblings will be bringing dates too. . . LOL

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:40 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Some people are ridiculous- It's not an open house party- come one, come all..... this isn't a democracy! People are a little rude... This is a wedding that costs a lot of money and a 16 year old probably won't appreciate like another poor would be guest you had to bump...

Valenia Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:41 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

shamma - I guess this is a difference of opinion I have to most ladies on the board. I think it is his day. Its the day his sister is getting married. That is special too. My brother wanted to invite some of his close friends, not only his girlfriend, to share the moment which was of great significance to him. I thought that was incredibly sweet. Now if having one more guest is busting the budget, or bumping a friend of the bride/groom because of space limitations, thats another story. Otherwise, it is going to make NO difference that she is present other then the cost, which someone else is covering.

Now of some concern in this case is the huge number of siblings if she is approaching the room limit, because yes, this does open the opportunity for any sibling to bring a date that is going to pay for that guest. However, if you aren't near the room max, then opening that can of worms doesn't much matter.

nrvbrd Posted: Jan 13, 2003 09:43 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Hi.

I agree with Shamma and Liz, you must put your foot down.

Fh and I are paying for our wedding and what we say goes.

Your 16 year old brother gets to bring a girlfriend- H*ll no. It was not your step-moms place to insist that this young lady come and she must be made aware of this. Might I suggest that you politely inform your brother that while you have nothing against his girlfriend, this wedding is a costly event and you have to limit your guest list.

I am curious to hear how this turns out, please keep us posted.

nrvbrd Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:00 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Valenia, you seem as though you are of the philosophy of come one come all, which would be great if she was throwing a barbeque but this is a wedding which IMO is a very personal event, where the guests should be ppl who are important to the bride and groom. Every situtaion is different, while with you it did not matter if your brother invited some of his friends but it matters to Crisco because this is not the type of event she is trying to plan.

Dont mean to offend but I know exactly what Crisco is going through and I want to drive her point home.

Crisco718 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:03 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

Again the thing that upset me most is that no one discussed this with me. They all had a discussion around this, invited the girl and then just told me after the fact. I should have been consulted. It is my wedding!

Valenia Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:12 AM

Re: The Madness has Started!!

nrvbrd - Unless a wedding is under 100 people I don't think most brides would notice if five strangers showed up uninvited. On that day, you are caught up in enjoying the day with your husband and those closest to you. You aren't even going to register the presence of people who are irrelevant to you. I'm sure other past brides can confirm this fact, or heck maybe it is just me.

The question is, is it worth arguing over with the people closest to you? I'd be pretty hurt if I was her brother. Fair or not, is that what she wants? Who cares if everyone on LIW thinks he has no right to be hurt, or to have asked. He did ask, and he will be upset.