So before my disappearance I told you guys how FH referred to me as 'wife'. Yeah, had the freak out. So now it's no longer wife, it's crazy wife and it's no longer us it's 'team pereira' (he's grown competitive with my brothers and their wives). I'm getting better with it I think, I didn't have a total jump up and down freak, just a little hand waving to get the 'icky' away. Man my independent streak is holding strong. We basically have lived like a married couple for 2 years, don't know why this is getting me. It's just a word, a label if you will. Think i need to start writing like 'amanda pereira' all over my calendar at work like i used to do in high school. Maybe that will help.
laurenandmike618
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Hmmm... Did you tell him it bothered you?? Perhaps you feel disrespected by him calling you 'wife' because that's not just who you are... You're Amanda. You're still just one person, and you still will be even when you're married. There should always be a 'you,' a 'him' AND a 'we'- not just always a 'we.' Just a thought.
JoanneAndJustin
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Member since
Re: The name calling
I had this freak out when we first got engaged. Before FH I was single for 3 or so years, previous to my relationship with FH was an EVIL BAD HORRENDOUS breakup with an Azzhole of Epic Proportions.
I had a ROUGH time with the compromising and the merging of lives when we got engaged because I was SO used to doing my own thing. My ex let me take complete control of the relationship it was so hard for me to take someone else's opinions into consideration because I never had to be before (i.e, I made all the dinner reservations, the plans, etc... ex just went a long for the ride).
When we started wedding planning and FH had an actual opinion on flowers, RH, etc.. and it didn't match my opinion I FREAKED OUT. Screaming... slamming doors... etc.
We communicated about it, and now I'm fine... but it took a little while to realize that we were a team and we both needed to have a little give and take... it's been fine ever since.
Goldie39
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Member since
Re: The name calling
yayy! you're getting used to it! it has a nice ring to it, huh!?!
amandah75
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Re: The name calling
I wasn't in a serious relationship for like 6 years prior to FH so having to share and compromise and lose my 'space' has definitely been an adjustment. I don't feel disrespected just a little 'omg this is for life'. I truly love him and cannot imagine a life without him, i think it's mostly fear. Was engaged once before and it went south and became very emotionally and mentally abusive. Think the having him call me wife is something I've looked forward to and have wanted for so long and don't want to lose it.
Ok, that was a very eye opening post. Hmmmmm, maybe that's what it is. Finally having it and worried about losing it.
laurenandmike618
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Well that defnitely makes sense. Abusive relationships can have so many different effects on a person, they can't even always be explained. I'm so sorry you had to endure that previously. At least you have now found the right man for you, someone who treats you well, as you deserve! If this really begins to bother you, perhaps you could see someone about it... but only if you feel it is truly bothering you, especially if you are having attachment issues.
I'm sorry if I sound like a therapist!! lol I just graduated undergrad as a pre-med psych major, biopsych minor lol
PS: Any idea why my profile picture isn't showing up on my posts? I know I uploaded mine bc when I go to my account and view my picture, it comes up...
JoanneAndJustin
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Posted by amandah75
I wasn't in a serious relationship for like 6 years prior to FH so having to share and compromise and lose my 'space' has definitely been an adjustment. I don't feel disrespected just a little 'omg this is for life'. I truly love him and cannot imagine a life without him, i think it's mostly fear. Was engaged once before and it went south and became very emotionally and mentally abusive. Think the having him call me wife is something I've looked forward to and have wanted for so long and don't want to lose it.
Ok, that was a very eye opening post. Hmmmmm, maybe that's what it is. Finally having it and worried about losing it.
We are definitely living parallels lives... the 'space' thing was big for me too. It's not about disrespect at all.. it's more: 'There's someone's else's opinion who will factor into all my decisions for the rest of my life'... That spooked me a little and still does... because I was so used to only having one life to worry about (mine) having another was a big adjustment.
JoanneAndJustin
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Posted by laurenandmike618
Well that defnitely makes sense. Abusive relationships can have so many different effects on a person, they can't even always be explained. I'm so sorry you had to endure that previously. At least you have now found the right man for you, someone who treats you well, as you deserve! If this really begins to bother you, perhaps you could see someone about it... but only if you feel it is truly bothering you, especially if you are having attachment issues.
I'm sorry if I sound like a therapist!! lol I just graduated undergrad as a pre-med psych major, biopsych minor lol
PS: Any idea why my profile picture isn't showing up on my posts? I know I uploaded mine bc when I go to my account and view my picture, it comes up...
Sometimes the picture takes awhile... make sure you posted it as your chat picture too in your Account Settings.
amandah75
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Did you upload it as your avatar?
Yeah, been through therapy over the years and i've gotten good at analyzing my thoughts. Forgot how writing things out helps make things clearer.
thanks!
laurenandmike618
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Yes, that definitely does help! I am glad you are feeling better :)
No, I didn't upload it as my avatar... I don't think I did anyway lol was I supposed to??
amandah75
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Posted by JoanneAndJustin
Posted by amandah75
I wasn't in a serious relationship for like 6 years prior to FH so having to share and compromise and lose my 'space' has definitely been an adjustment. I don't feel disrespected just a little 'omg this is for life'. I truly love him and cannot imagine a life without him, i think it's mostly fear. Was engaged once before and it went south and became very emotionally and mentally abusive. Think the having him call me wife is something I've looked forward to and have wanted for so long and don't want to lose it.
Ok, that was a very eye opening post. Hmmmmm, maybe that's what it is. Finally having it and worried about losing it.
We are definitely living parallels lives... the 'space' thing was big for me too. It's not about disrespect at all.. it's more: 'There's someone's else's opinion who will factor into all my decisions for the rest of my life'... That spooked me a little and still does... because I was so used to only having one life to worry about (mine) having another was a big adjustment.
Yes, a huge adjustment. I think the other thing is NEEDING him. I have never needed someone like I've needed him. He makes me happy and keeps me balanced. He is the first person to make me feel safe. In the beginning I felt myself angry at him for making me feel this way....a feeling I wasn't able to control. I was angry because I felt vulnerable. Had built this safety wall around me and here he comes along all handsome and endearing and he just broke through that wall. Was let down so much in my life by others that it was hard to believe him when he said he loved me and would do everything he could in his life to make me happy. He has actually started going back to school because he wants a better life for us and wants to take care of me. Stuff like that has really made believe in love and goodness again.
amandah75
Posted:
Member since
Re: The name calling
Posted by laurenandmike618
Yes, that definitely does help! I am glad you are feeling better :)
No, I didn't upload it as my avatar... I don't think I did anyway lol was I supposed to??
yes, upload it as your avatar.....that's the pic that everyone sees on your posts. it's under your account settings. gl!
