The Procrastinator's Creed

Procrastinator's Creed

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.

8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

Yup!

I am supposed to be doing homework right now.

My life:
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are...You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are 'I apologize' and 'You are right.'

10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

11. Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.

12. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

13. And Finally..... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!

---

Posted by itslaurie.

---

If I show this to the man, he will want to recreate it.

Love it, love it, LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

Now I get to go home!!

You know, I read this:

---

Posted by itslaurie.

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

---

And I tried to make sense of it. Thinking, yeah you'll burn your throat but what's better? A burnt throat, or death?

And then I read the second one and realized it was a joke and laughed my @ss off.

I need to have a little fun I think. Too serious today.