The Reason Why Im Not Inviting My Cousins Boyfriend

My cousin recently invited me to her housewarming party that her parents were throwing for her which I thankfully couldnt make it to. She got back with her ex who used to beat her and they moved out together. My sister went to this party and she told me they arrived 2 hours lateand only stayed to open gifts.
Her boyfriend then went to the kitchen, took all the beer from the fridge in a bag, and took tupperwares of food. Everyone found out later, they threw their OWN housewarming at their house for their friends with the food and beer from the party her parents threw for them.
This boyfriend of hers is a lowlife. He walks in and never says hello to anyone, I dont say two words to him and will never speak to him. And after this display, I dont know what to think of my cousin. Yeah they live together but he is NOT invited to my wedding.

that is SOOOO messed up!! can you talk to your cousin about it? i mean, maybe without trying to sound condescending or like you're telling her what to do...but more in a concerned way?

i'm sorry, that really stinks. i would not want someone like that in my wedding either.

Sonds like a real loser. I wouldnt want him there either!

How will she feel about him not being invited?

Hopefully she comes to her senses about his loserness before your wedding.

I'm sorry, it's so difficult to see someone you love be in such a terrible situation. She's going to have to realize this guy is a lowlife for herself, unfortunately it is difficult for girls in these situations to see what kind of trouble they're really in

sounds like a keeper lol

maybe if you talked to your cousin about it? but don't know what that would actually do

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Posted by Snowflake08

what does her mother say?

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Her mother ( my aunt) has been abused by her own daughter for years. My cousin even hit her a few times. She is 25 now and JUST got a job. The reason she finally moved out is because her and her boyfriend were staying in her moms house and were fighting everyday, breaking doors. I think they had to replace two already. Her step father couldnt take it and paid for their first months rent to move out. My mother would have never stood for this. I dont get it. Were not close and Ive never cared for her behavior.

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Snowflake08

what does her mother say?

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Her mother ( my aunt) has been abused by her own daughter for years. My cousin even hit her a few times. She is 25 now and JUST got a job. The reason she finally moved out is because her and her boyfriend were staying in her moms house and were fighting everyday, breaking doors. I think they had to replace two already. Her step father couldnt take it and paid for their first months rent to move out. My mother would have never stood for this. I dont get it. Were not close and Ive never cared for her behavior.

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wow
im so sorry to hear this, but it sounds like her issues go beyond her relationship with her boyfriend - has anyone tried to help her - even an intervention??

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by Snowflake08

what does her mother say?

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Her mother ( my aunt) has been abused by her own daughter for years. My cousin even hit her a few times. She is 25 now and JUST got a job. The reason she finally moved out is because her and her boyfriend were staying in her moms house and were fighting everyday, breaking doors. I think they had to replace two already. Her step father couldnt take it and paid for their first months rent to move out. My mother would have never stood for this. I dont get it. Were not close and Ive never cared for her behavior.

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someone has to be the black sheep of the family...but no honestly its sad that she is putting up with that. Hopefully one day she will wake up and realize that she is better than that and leave him. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way. But she has issues actually she needs to fix, the whole hitting her mother thing shows something is not right with her.

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Posted by JTsGal829

that's terrible. I'm so sorry. A lot of times people who are in abusive relationships get used to it after awhile.. they start to blame themselves and believe what the abuser says about them and it makes them afraid to leave. The abuser makes them feel so low and insecure that they feel they can never do any better.. no matter what the reasons are for staying with him though i hope your cousin can realize what a bad person he is for her!!! A very close friend of mine was in an abusive marriage for a long time, and it took her a long time before she had the courage and strength to leave him!

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sadly it is very true...She thinks she can't do better than him so might as well stay with him, and she probably thinks who else will love her

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Posted by JTsGal829

that's terrible. I'm so sorry. A lot of times people who are in abusive relationships get used to it after awhile.. they start to blame themselves and believe what the abuser says about them and it makes them afraid to leave. The abuser makes them feel so low and insecure that they feel they can never do any better.. no matter what the reasons are for staying with him though i hope your cousin can realize what a bad person he is for her!!! A very close friend of mine was in an abusive marriage for a long time, and it took her a long time before she had the courage and strength to leave him!

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She says he changed. they were broken up for about 2 years. I dont know if he has hit since theyve been back together. I know he broke two doors in my aunts house. I hope he isnt hitting her again. She has had low self esteem for years and I think he used to verbally abuse her too. What s u ck s is, Im not inviting a few of my cousins boyfriends cause I cant afford it and I was using the 'Im not inviting boyfriends unless you live together' excuse. But I cant use that with her now. Im just gonna tell her I cant afford it but IM afraid she'll offer to pay for his plate. Then what do I say?? I CANT STAND HIM AND HES NOT INVITED???
I hope she doesnt ask any questions...What do you guys think I should do?

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Posted by Songstress1212

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Posted by JTsGal829

that's terrible. I'm so sorry. A lot of times people who are in abusive relationships get used to it after awhile.. they start to blame themselves and believe what the abuser says about them and it makes them afraid to leave. The abuser makes them feel so low and insecure that they feel they can never do any better.. no matter what the reasons are for staying with him though i hope your cousin can realize what a bad person he is for her!!! A very close friend of mine was in an abusive marriage for a long time, and it took her a long time before she had the courage and strength to leave him!

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She says he changed. they were broken up for about 2 years. I dont know if he has hit since theyve been back together. I know he broke two doors in my aunts house. I hope he isnt hitting her again. She has had low self esteem for years and I think he used to verbally abuse her too. What s u ck s is, Im not inviting a few of my cousins boyfriends cause I cant afford it and I was using the 'Im not inviting boyfriends unless you live together' excuse. But I cant use that with her now. Im just gonna tell her I cant afford it but IM afraid she'll offer to pay for his plate. Then what do I say?? I CANT STAND HIM AND HES NOT INVITED???
I hope she doesnt ask any questions...What do you guys think I should do?

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yea the verbal abuse can be worse than the mental abuse sometimes!!! My friend's husband said horrible things to her...and after awhile he didnt even care that me and FH were there!!! He didnt even care that her son was there ( from a previous marriage). If we were at target shopping for too long, he'd assume she was sleeping with someone.. and you can just imagine the names that followed!! it was a horrible situation. They are currently going through a divorce..but it took a number of separations before she had finally realized she was better than that.. and she started rebuilding her life..

I hope he isn't hitting her, but if someone is that way.. i hate to say it but they rarely change and if he has stopped the physical abuse it doesnt mean the verbal and mental abuse has stopped.
I would just explain to her that you can't afford it..and if she offers to pay say that would be fine but then others would wonder why she was able to bring her BF and they couldn't and you would really rather avoid the drama on your wedding day!!! I hope it works out!!!