Thinking About Canceling......

Sunset Renee Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:46 PM

Thinking About Canceling......

The whole 'big wedding' is my FH's idea....MY idea of the perfect wedding is just me and him on a beach.....My family is making the planning process hell.....Should I approach my FH about this again or should I just suck it up and do it for him.....??? He hasn't really been too involved in the planning and it is pure misery for me...I really just want to call the whole thing off and do it my way....but I think that would be selfish....Please Help!!!!!

Stephlover817 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:48 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I think you should definitely try to talk to FH first. Tell him exactly how you feel. Sometimes just talking about it will make you feel better. Maybe he will will even start to pitch in a bit. I'm really sorry you feel like this!!

Shelly9697 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:48 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I think you should talk to FH about it. You never know!! And I dont think you are being selfish!! You tried!! Ya know??

Best of luck to you!!

mao0426 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:51 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I agree...just talk to him about it...tell him that you want to do it for him but that you need some help making it happen....i told my FH that if he wanted something for the wedding then he needed to step up and get it done because I couldnt do it alone...hopefully ur FH will step up and make this a fun experience and not a miserable one...sorry you are not happy with the planning...it is stressful

TJ22908 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:52 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

Definetly talk to FH and tell him how you feel and maybe tell him that since this is how he wants it you need him to participate more otherwise you can't do the whole big wedding thing. Remember this day is about you guys and not everyone else you have to do whats best for you!!

emomma17 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:53 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

You should def. sit down and talk to your FH about it, let him know how you feel. I am sure together you will be able to decide what will be best for the both of you.

SparkyandAng Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:54 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I'm sorry it's not fun! I agree it isn't always fun. I thought about canceling a few times also but wasn't sure I wouldn't regret not having the whole big wedding thing so I'm going forward.

I would talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. You can still have a beautiful wedding without getting carried away with every little detail, so maybe you can have the best of both worlds.

good luck.

lela9282008 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 01:58 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I THINK YOU SHOULD SPEAK TO FH AND REALLY DISCUSS ALL THE PROS AND CONS AND HOW YOU REALLY FEEL AND MAKE THE DECISON TOGETHER IT IS BOTH OF YOUR WEDDING

Sunset Renee Posted: Feb 19, 2008 02:01 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

Thanks Girls....I guess I'll talk to him again...I just feel soooo guilty not wanting the whole shebang...

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Feb 19, 2008 02:10 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

Talk to him about it. It's about the two of you - so you both have to be mindful about what each other wants... Maybe you can have a more intimate wedding - not as big? You want just the two of you, he wants to share your joy with his family. Instead of 100 people, maybe invite 30?

Compromise, compromise.

And tell him you don't want to plan his idea alone. I did that with my engagement party - I wanted to rent a bowling alley, FH wanted to have it at a hall. We had it at a hall. I fuccking HATED my engagement party. HATED, HATED, HATED. I think about it at least twice a week. It makes me sick. Seriously - that's how much I hated it. (Sorry for throwing that in there but it felt good. Selfish. I'm sorry).

It's important to do what you both want but you should make sure it's even. Don't let him have his way just to avoid an argument...

Snick n Nick Posted: Feb 19, 2008 04:42 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I think you should talk with him....and if you're having a rough time, have you tried using Barbara at HWC more? She is an awesome resource and will answer all your questions like immediately, and give you great recommendations too! She is making this process much better for me than it would have otherwise been!

Maybe you can assign FH to whatever tasks are giving you the most headache? good luck!!

zoe282 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 04:46 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

Of course you should talk to him. You have to be honest in your marraige and have communication and this is a great way to start. You don't want to resent him from the beginning. If you aren't enjoying this then you have to make a change. If he has good reasons for wanting the big wedding then tell him he needs to step up because it's not something you want. I wish you luck! It's tough but at least if you are open and honest you will feel better.

florezpeeps Posted: Feb 19, 2008 04:49 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

It can feel very overwhelming and if you go by some crazy time lines ppl have in their heads you can go insane...you can do the big wedding at your own pace, don't let anyone let you feel pressured.

JozyLee123 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 04:55 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

Posted by Sunset Renee

The whole 'big wedding' is my FH's idea....MY idea of the perfect wedding is just me and him on a beach.....My family is making the planning process hell.....Should I approach my FH about this again or should I just suck it up and do it for him.....??? He hasn't really been too involved in the planning and it is pure misery for me...I really just want to call the whole thing off and do it my way....but I think that would be selfish....Please Help!!!!!

You are my twin! not only are we getting married on the same day, I fell the SAME EXACT way!! I swear I was thinking about that all this morning on my long train ride to work.. How much I would rather be doing the whole thing in Jamaica!

MrsD71208 Posted: Feb 19, 2008 04:59 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I'd talk to him about it and let him know how you feel....either ask him to help some more or ask for less....it's hard doing it all alone!

hyphenbride Posted: Feb 19, 2008 05:04 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

Definitely talk to FH. FH wanted only family there. I wanted just us, no family, no drama. We compromised--we're having a big wedding (well, probably around 100)...which actually works (I said that if I couldn't do it just us, then I wanted my family AND friends there...somehow it does work out as a compromise).

However, we've remained open. We've definitely had breakdowns in communication, where FH has been supposed to do something, dropped the ball, and nearly screwed us out of a vendor we really wanted. We got organized--I now am pretty clear when I want FH to take over a certain duty. I think when we started out, FH thought of the planning as girl stuff--my job. I talked to him, and we now both realize that we are both planning the wedding because it's OUR wedding.

So, please talk to your FH about it. Even if you don't get your beach elopement, hopefully you'll get something that's more you.

PreshusSmurf Posted: Feb 19, 2008 05:06 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I definitely think you and your FH need to sit down and have a long talk. He needs to help out with the planning, regardless of who's idea it was to have the whole shebang. I know I am lucky that my DH was by my side for every wedding appointment that didn't involved dresses .... but I can't wrap my brain around the FH's that don't pitch in.

I wouldn't say that I think it would be 'selfish' to cancel the big wedding .... but I don't think it would be the best choice to make at this point, considering its obviously something your FH really wanted (or you wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place) and marriage is about compromise. Its a lesser compromise, IMHO, to deal with a big wedding (as long as he's helping plan it) than for you to 'take the big wedding away from him'.

Also, at this point, you may not get a lot of your deposits for vendors back that have already been booked ... especially your hall!

So ... if you're stuck paying for it all anyway, then I definitely think you should go ahead with it!

loislane Posted: Feb 19, 2008 05:10 PM

Re: Thinking About Canceling......

I dont think you are being selfish at all. I would definetely talk to fh and see what his feelings on this matter are. The whole wedding planning process is very overwhelming and you are not the first and certainly won't be the last to feel this way.