This close to calling it off

Ok My Fiancé is from Illinois and he moved to New York to be with me. He is wonderful and I love him. We are still in the works of planning the wedding and the guests and right now his family is causing a huge strain on our relationship. They are now saying that they won’t come to the wedding. His father flat out said “I don’t think we are going to go because of 9/11 and the planes” ….. Ok I am sorry but if I can fly out of JFK Airport in NYC to Peoria Illinois on a small plane jet plane that holds 30 people you can fly to NYC. Call me unsympathetic but the reason why I say that is because I was there and I am still getting on planes to fly where I want to go. Plus take a train or a bus something but every option was shot down. “Oh that’s a long drive” UGH

His mom said she wasn’t sure if she would be able to make it because she planned her wedding to her boyfriend the week before. And she wants her son there. She new about our wedding long before she even met her boyfriend. She tells us she won’t be able to go but wants us at hers. Please tell me if I am just over reacting to this.

His grandparents also said that they won’t be able to come because of a surgery that his grandfather is having. Ok this I can understand but another flat out “Won’t be coming” rather than a “we will see how the operation goes” I mean come on people at least sound like your going to make an effort.

His stepfather said he is going to come. He absolutely loves his stepfather and he said he wouldn’t miss it for the world. So that made him happy.

My fiancé is bummed because my family is all about this wedding. My family (Latin Catholics who only get together at weddings and funerals) are really looking forward to it and it bothers him. All he is going to have there is his Stepfather. We have even had arguments where he doesn’t want to help in planning it because it’s going to be “MY wedding” since none of his family will really be there. I swear I am getting to a point that I want to call it all off if he tells me that one more time.

I honestly feel like I am at my wits end.

That really stinks. It seems like his family is making him resent his own wedding. Shame on them. Is there any way you can call them yourself and explain to them how hurt he is by all of this? Good luck and hang in there!

I am so sorry you have to deal with this right now !! Maybe your fh is depressed about the whole situation and needs some talking with!! Is he having any other family at all??

im so sorry about this. seems like we're all dealing with our own issues with in-laws. you never know how inconsiderate people can be until you start planning a wedding. you FH is probably just hurting right now and taking it out on you because he feels safe with you. he probably doesnt feel like he can tell his mother off. it ***** when we end up being the punching bag because they cant stand up to their mothers. but look at the big picture. he moved to ny for you. he wants to marry you. id say let him vent right now, because he does have a right to be upset...just not take it out on you. if it persists sit down and have a talk with him about how this is making you feel. but you shouldnt feel bad that your family is excited about this. and remind him that at least his step father is coming. some people dont even have that.

good luck!

thats just awful!

Oh no

I am so sorry

Is there no reasoning with his family at all??? Not for nothing, the plane excuse his dad is giving is very narrow-minded of him. And his mom is being quite insensitive and selfish towards her son.

Maybe you two can make a last ditch effort to talk to them and work around the issues. There might be more to it than the excuses they are giving.

I know it must be hard on your FI, I am going through the same thing. It seems that my FI family is so excited about the wedding and are looking foward to it. My family on the other hand seems like it is okay to not show up at my wedding because of stupid excuses.
Just talk to your FI and be there for him.
Ive decided that after this wedding I no longer will not make any effort for anyone in my family except for the ones that are making an effort to be there with me on my wedding day.

So sorry, hope things work out!!!

I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

Try to talk to FH, maybe explain to him that you understands what he is going through, but that this is your day (meaning the both of you) and this is the day that starts the rest of your life together....
I know its hard, believe me, I am dealing w/ my Mother vs. Step-Mother issues...But its our day, not theirs.....

i sort of know how you feel....
my FH said the same thing at first, that it was like 'MY wedding' because i am super close to my cousins and family and i wanted alot of them involved in the wedding and everyone was really excited.

his family doesnt get together alot - not even for holidays so it was strange for him but he got over it.

you have to remember the one most important thing - this is about 1 thing and 1 thing only and that is the two of you. every now and then you have to remove yourself from the stress and take a minute to think all that matters is you and me


hope that helps!

I am sorry that you are going through this but I am more sorry for your FH. Imagine how hurt and rejected he must feel. I can't imagine having my family discount my marraige in such a way.

I would try, and I know this is hard because you are so excited and supported, to reach out to his family and explain how this is effecting your FH. Do not involve him in the conversations so that he doesn't end up more hurt if it doesn't pan out the way it SHOULD but talk to them. Maybe there is something else going on.

I would be careful with teh calling it off talk just because you don't want him to feel rejected by the only person who is supporting him right now.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. This is supposed to be such a joyous time for the two of you and his family is just tramping on it.

That is awful...FILs can be very hard to deal with, esp when they are from a place so different than you.
Would they consider flying into LI instead? It would be a pain to pick them up, but maybe they would feel safer???

i'm so sorry! sounds like our wedding! my family & friends were alllll about this wedding and i had friends that flew up from south carolina that hadn't seen me in YEARS. yet DH's own douchebag brother wouldn't make the trip from colorado for his brother's wedding.

i know it's hard, but you have to step back and see how much this is hurting him. guys don't want to really admit it out loud, but as much as it's pisssing you off, it's breaking his heart. i would be irrirated also and sometimes forget that his lack of interest in the wedding or just downright attitude was cause he was covering his sadness over his family.

i became proactive and emailed his uncle in florida, asking for his address, and exressing how i couldn't wait to become a part of the family and hoped that he would be coming...he in turn made sure his daughters (DH's cousins) came too!

even though DH only had about 8 or 9 relatives at the wedding, the ones that cared enough to show up, made the difference for him. whoever DOES come from your FH's side, i'm sure he will appreciate it...but it will take awhile

good luck

awwwww try your hardest not to let them get to you...seems like they soo want to rain on your parade but you'll shine through!!!

Thank you guys for all your support.

I don’t want to call it off and I never told him that though there are times where it gets hard and I wonder if I should and just have something for me and him.

I talked to the FH and told him how it makes me feel when he says that. I am not doing this just for me I am doing this because I am not planning on marrying anyone else so I want it to be big. I want a wedding filled with my family and my friends so when I look back I can say I had the wedding I wanted.

I told him I was sorry for his family and that he should try to talk to them. (I am not trying to get in the middle of any family drama). He said it didn’t bother him so much because he expected it from his family but was hoping for the best. It broke my heart to hear that. The only person who he really considered to be family was his stepfather and he is coming so he is happy about that. His stepfather is awesome!

He told me he was sorry and he didn’t mean to take it out on me that he knows its our wedding but it hurts him when he sees my family all about our wedding and his act like its just another day. I am just hoping that they come. I invited some of his friends as well. One close friend said he is coming and wouldn’t miss it so I am happy for that. I hope he really does come. It would mean the world to him.

Thank you guys again for all your support it means a lot to me.

Im sorry you have to deal with this.
Thats great that his stepfather is coming and if thats whos important to him that thats who matters.
Remember your marrying him, not his family so forget about them. I know easier said then done, but screw them if they dont want to be there. If they dont want to be there or make the effort to, you dont want them there anyway.

You have FM!