This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

Original post by rojerono

Aug 09, 2006 05:37 PM

You probably don't want to read this if you are in a good mood, because I am feeling a little down and kind of want to vent...

This year has been kind to me. I bought a house in a neighborhood I love and in the school district I wanted. I got engaged to the love of my life. I got a promotion and a great pay raise. It’s almost like 2006 is trying to pay me back for all of the incredible CRAP the millennium handed me in the past 5 years.

But this little sadness will not go away. No matter how big I smile, no matter how many invitations I look at… I still have this part of me that is overwhelmed with sadness.

I miss my mom like I can’t even express.

I think of her every single time I think about getting married – and you ALL know how often that is. I think about how I wish so much she could help me decide on a hall or pick out a dress or a million other little things… I miss her input. I miss her advice – and most of all, I miss her laugh.

And I barely have cried. Sometimes it sneaks up on me. Stupid times. Doing nothing and suddenly it is like someone punched me in my solar plexus and I gasp and remember she is gone and I will never see her again.

The beginning was easier. Back in October when if first happened and I was still numb with shock. That was the easy part. The start of it all.

But now it is later. Later when the cards are put away and the flowers have died and I have gone back to the daily business of living. Later when I am looking in the freezer wondering what to take out for dinner and I think... 'It is Wednesday so Mom will be eating over - let me take out the beef..' and I have to stop because I just remembered that Mom will not be eating over. Later when I am tucking the kids in and my son wants to call his Ooma to say goodnight... and I think.. I can't call Ooma ever again. Or when there is a fight with my fiance and I want to drive over and have coffee and get my perspective back through a conversation with my mom and I am halfway to her house before I remember that the kitchen will be empty.

Later when I look in the mirror or listen to my voice and I think 'I am so much like my mother..' and then I think.. 'That isn't so bad... in fact, that is pretty good.'.

No bride should ever have to be without her mom...

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Aug 09, 2006 08:13 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

I can't imagine what you are going through. I just wanted to give you some hugs.

july06bride Posted: Aug 09, 2006 08:59 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

sweetie, I am not in your situation and don't claim to know what you are feeling completely but I want you to know that she is with you....she can help you choose your hall and your dress...you have to 'call on her'
Your son can talk to her too-each and every day...
Is this the same-absolutely not...but I truly believe that she is part of your day every single day ...she is there! This is what helped me with not having my grandmother around for my wedding, something I wanted desperately. I hope it helps you too. YOu are in our thoughts and prayers and we are here if you need us.

lilqtpie2181 Posted: Aug 09, 2006 09:10 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

First off ....
I actually shed some tears while reading ur post. I wish there was some way that the pain could go away. It hard when the poeple you love are not ariund you. Although I my not know exactly what u are going through i know that it is like not to have ur mommy being around you in ur time of happiness......Mine is not here physically here and she will not be around to share my soecail day with me...but she is there in spirit.
This of that and maybe it will help u through your rough days. Although ur mom is not around you physically.. Im sure she is around u in spirit. SHe is watching over you and guiding u in her own way.
Good Luck with everything sweetheart.. Im sorry for your loos bu tyou mom would want you to truley enjoy the best time in ur life.. i think that would make her happy too.

curliegirl Posted: Aug 09, 2006 09:29 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

You are so lucky to have had a mom to share so many memories with.....I only wish you could have shared this memory with her. I used to have panic attacks before my wedding that something terrible would happen to my parents and they would never see me get married. So much, that I called them at midnight to make sure they were ok....

I hope you find solace knowing that your mother will never leave you, she will always be with you......

BrideChrissy Posted: Aug 09, 2006 09:37 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

I am sooo sorry!!!! You gave me the chills and tears.
Here are a bunch of hugs. I don't even know what to say but we are here for you always. I feel so bad you have to go through this without your mom but just always keep in mind she is here although you can't see her I'm sure she is watching over you at all times and deep down she is helping with your decisions.

Jesses Girl Posted: Aug 09, 2006 09:39 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

I am sorry for your loss and know nothing will bring her back or take away your saddness.

Just know that although she isn't there for you, everytime you make a decision she has some input. She is probably affecting everything that is taking place in your life (all the good that is)

So, yes, you physically can not see her anymore but she is with you especially in times when you are sad.

You are right, no bride should be without her mother. And I am sure she wishes she was here just as much as you do. Just love the memory of her and I am sure she will be by your side, in spirit, through it all, especially on your big day.

I dont know if this helps(what I have said) but just pray to her as if you were talking to her. It may help ease your mind and make her happy knowing you are thinking of her often.

I know I don't know you but I thought that this may help.

snydl40 Posted: Aug 09, 2006 10:14 PM

Re: This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. It sounds like you had an amazing mom and it is good that you remember her so poisitively and keep her with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to FM me if you want to talk.