This is Just To Say I Am A Little Sad...

You probably don't want to read this if you are in a good mood, because I am feeling a little down and kind of want to vent...

This year has been kind to me. I bought a house in a neighborhood I love and in the school district I wanted. I got engaged to the love of my life. I got a promotion and a great pay raise. It’s almost like 2006 is trying to pay me back for all of the incredible CRAP the millennium handed me in the past 5 years.

But this little sadness will not go away. No matter how big I smile, no matter how many invitations I look at… I still have this part of me that is overwhelmed with sadness.

I miss my mom like I can’t even express.

I think of her every single time I think about getting married – and you ALL know how often that is. I think about how I wish so much she could help me decide on a hall or pick out a dress or a million other little things… I miss her input. I miss her advice – and most of all, I miss her laugh.

And I barely have cried. Sometimes it sneaks up on me. Stupid times. Doing nothing and suddenly it is like someone punched me in my solar plexus and I gasp and remember she is gone and I will never see her again.

The beginning was easier. Back in October when if first happened and I was still numb with shock. That was the easy part. The start of it all.

But now it is later. Later when the cards are put away and the flowers have died and I have gone back to the daily business of living. Later when I am looking in the freezer wondering what to take out for dinner and I think... 'It is Wednesday so Mom will be eating over - let me take out the beef..' and I have to stop because I just remembered that Mom will not be eating over. Later when I am tucking the kids in and my son wants to call his Ooma to say goodnight... and I think.. I can't call Ooma ever again. Or when there is a fight with my fiance and I want to drive over and have coffee and get my perspective back through a conversation with my mom and I am halfway to her house before I remember that the kitchen will be empty.

Later when I look in the mirror or listen to my voice and I think 'I am so much like my mother..' and then I think.. 'That isn't so bad... in fact, that is pretty good.'.

No bride should ever have to be without her mom...

I know that no words can make your pain and sadness go away, I am so sorry for your loss.

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that you do not have your mom here with you. I dont know what I would do with out my mother around now during this time.
My MOH is in the same boat as you and my heart breaks for her....Just remember all the good times you have had together and the memories will always be with you. Cry if you need to, there is no wrong in that.

Here are some for you and know that she is with you everyday every moment, even if you cant see or feel her.

You say you havent cried much, but your words just made me cry like a baby. I am so sorry that you are doing this planning without your mom. I truly feel awful for you and no matter how good of a year you have had, the pain of losing your mom cannot makeup for it.

thank you for sharing your feelings with us and making us appreciate what we have while we have it ........

hugs for you

Nothing I could say could possibly make you feel any different at those times but just know that alot of us girls are there with you and have been there. I miss my dad still terribly and he's been gone 6yrs. Just think about her when you make your wedding decisions and she'll be there with you because know one could know her better then you and what she would say or do, she'll be with you forever as long as you hold onto her memory and FM if you ever need an ear.

I am very very sorry sweetie. this is such an amazing expression of your feelings..EVERYONE should read it. weddings are about family...those that are here and those that are here only in spirit.

I lost my champion, my hero, almost a year ago..6 months before my wedding. I know the loss that you speak of, and my heart goes out to you.

If I may, I can tell you that someone that loved you as much as your mom seemed to will surely be guiding your choices, cheering you on, and protecting you. she will show herself on your day, as I was shown my grandfather's presense on mine.

I got married on April 23, and it was POURING the whole morning. I was fine with it- a little rain never hurt nobody- but when I left the hotel to go to the church..the sun suddenly came out. He gave me enough time and sunshine to ensure my day was as lovely and flawless as it was.

You are never, and will never be, alone.

There is a group of people on LIFamilies.com who chat about having lost their moms. They had a thread going and I think it's still active. And there are some brides here who have lost parents. Just letting you know, in case you have an interest in talking to people who have been there. So sorry for your loss.

I know how you feel...I lost my mother in 2003 and I'm an only child. I'm getting married in 3 weeks and I miss her more than anything. I went out of my way to create a wedding ceremony which de-emphasized the fact that she is gone. I made it less formal. I made sure the dress I chose was not the 'perfect, dream dress.' I could not stand wearing the perfect dress and my mom not being able to see me in it. So I made sure everything about my wedding was a little imperfect.
The more formal, the more her physical presence would be missed. I don't know if this at all makes sense to you but it's the only way I can handle getting married without my mother here.

I don't even have words for what I just read. Save what you wrote, and show it to people. That was so beauiful. I am sorry.

I am sending huge hugs your way... I go through the SAME THING every single day. I miss my mom immensely and wish I could talk to her one more time.. If you ever need anyone to talk to that somewhat understands (no one will ever share the same experience), FM me.. Things will get easier...

it's ok to cry.. missing your mom is totally natrual (like I even have to say that.).. i cry THINKING of missing my mom (she had a big scare two years ago and we almost lost her) and i have lost my father( *10 years ago.).. and really wish he could be around for the wedding...




Your mom is with you the entire process, ... from planning to walking down the aisle.. no doubt she is watching over you and smiling being the proud 'mother of the bride'

many prayers to you and your family.. it will all work out and you will totally see how ur mom is with you on your special day

I wish there was something I could say to comfort you. I am sorry for your loss. You mom is with you in Spirit and she always will be.

I'm so sorry for your loss! My mom is very ill, and I'm hoping that she will make it.. I try so hard to not think of what it would feel like if she wasn't there.. But this is what i try to think of and it usually helps me. I just remember that if she can't be next to my side in person, shes there in spirit. And Its crazy to think that sometimes.. but she has been with u every step of the way so far even though you haven't physically seen her. Again I'm so sorry for your loss, And believe shes there!
I have a friend who was extremly close with her father and he died just weeks before her wedding.. She even thought of calling it off, but everyone told her she can't put her life on hold forever. So they went along as planned. the day of her wedding, the front door bell kept ringing everytime they would all get upset.. they thought it was kids, so someone sat outside then everyone in the house started screaming cause it was ringing again and no one was there!! They believe that its was her father yelling at them to be happy! Who knows it could have been a short in the wire, but believing in him there is what got them through the day! Good luck. And I'm so sorry for your loss

OMG... you have me crying over here. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Wow... what I just said to you seems so cliche. I can't even imagine - and it scares the hell out of me to imagine not having my mom. I am so sorry you're going through this. You have an angel on your shoulder - as does your son. I know that's not even CLOSE to being able to sit down with your mom in her kitchen - again I can't imagine. But I thank you for writing this because through all this wedding planning, there have been a few times when my mom has gotten on my last nerve - even though I know she's the best - and it's a painful, but needed reminder to know that one day we will all give anything to just be able to have even an ANNOYING phone conversation back. Your love that you have for your mom is so admirable and you will always have that... THAT is obvious. Your words are beautiful and I'm sure she is so proud of what you wrote.

sweety..

I am so sorry that your mom can't help you plan your wedding.

In way she is though.

think of it this way. SHe is looking down watching everything you do and everything that you works out for you with this wedding is her making sure you get the perfect wedding that you deserve

I'm in tears reading your post because I feel your pain and can empathize. My mom has been gone 4 1/2 years this month and I miss her every minute of every day. I won't lie to you and tell you it gets easier because it doesn't. It just becomes different, if that makes sense. You are right...no bride should ever be without her mom on her wedding day or any other day. I'm here if you ever need to talk.