Thoughts on PreCana (repost from NWR)

Hi,

Just wanted to share my experience with anyone who is anxious/nervous about going through precana. I just completed 4 of 6 classes and while I don't agree with every aspect of the catholic church, I have to say that these classes are one of the best things that could be offered to any couple regardless of religion. It really gets you to talk to your significant other about every issue and to see how you would approach problems in the future. They have talked to us at length about how your upbringing and where you come from play a huge role in how you came to be who you are, and how you will deal with marriage in the future. I was so nervous to go...but we actually look forward to it in a way. The natural family planning seminar i could have done without, but all in all its been a good experience. They really want to help you build a strong marriage and realize what its all about. If anyone ever has questions feel free to ask..i feel like a pro now! Lol..

thanks for posting this.

i am not gettting married in the church however i wanted to do something like precana just because i think it will be good communication wise for the both of us.

No problem. Seriously..i think everyone should have some form of a class like this. I had no clue what we were in for..maybe i was lucky because our speakers have been great...young couples who talk to us about finances, children, spirituality, psychology...

There is a lot of cheesy stuff involved that we roll our eyes at, but it hasn't been anything like i thought...and to be there with other couples going through the same thing is great.

It amazed me when one speaker told us how a couple who was in previous classes called off their engagement b/c they never discussed children. He wanted them, she didn't..it forced them to talk about what their realistic expectations were and although I coudln't believe that question would go unanswered, sometimes it does.

We are not doing pre-Cana because we are interfaith and will be getting married by our Unitarian minister. We did this on our own. FH was married once before and his ex brought a lot of issues into the marriage. MY Dad was married twice after my mom passed away and they weren't pretty either. Because of our experiences we both wanted to do as much communicating as possible on several vital issues. Even before we were officially engaged I bought the book, 'The Hard Questions'. It is a tiny paperback that lists 100 essential questions the two of you should discuss. Things you would expect and not expect but all things that can add tension and, unfortunately, untimately break up many relationships.

Just as an aside before we agreed upon our minister to perform the ceremony we did visit one interfaith minister who is a vendor here. I was a bit taken aback that someone would be so willing to take our money and perform our ceremony but never even have a conversation about our plans, compatitibility etc. I firmly believe this is a must for all couples considering getting married. FH wishes he did it the first time because the doesn't think he would have married her.

I agree...100%. Sure, you could get married without precana or any type of counseling and have a great marriage. However, for some people, bringing up issues they are afraid to talk about (for me it was finances..I was scared to death about the way we handled money..him being MUCH better and I haven't always been so great)...well this was the perfect opportunity to get talking about it and I am so grateful for it.

Another example...something as simple as expectations in life. Its great to plan a beautiful wedding and have the most amazing day...but what comes after is the real stuff. How each of you will handle the bad AND the good...and how to help each other through the tough stuff.

We are going through it now as well....we are going on our 4th week...
We love it...we actually have a great bunch of couples, and we chat and laugh and have some really great discussions....whatever u put into it...ull get out!!!