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thx loves !

leesah85 Posted:

thx loves !

thx ladies!

BlushandBashful Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

It will work out with whatever you decide to do.

As far as what we are doing, FH will be moving into our apartment first, and I will move in as soon as we are officially married. Like you, I wanted that big move in moment. However, that's also because my parents care A LOT about that, and I don't feel like ruffling any feathers at this point.
VCanizalez Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I apologize for wat u going thru...
I've live with my parents too....

FH knows how imortant is for me is to spend time with mom/dad/bro......
this is one of the discussion we had...
He will move in FIRST to our apartment around July/August....
While he does the move, i will start SLOWLY to move my things too....
This way i can do it slowly PLUS it is hard for me to move '24' years of my life... everythign i have move it right away ONE day?
Its impossible..... well for me....


Maybe talk with FH and let him know U want to wait.....

Even if I wanted to move in with him, i woudl not do it... Sorry but i am trditional lol so old lol... i want to move in with him after marriage....

Talk to ur Family about this too...
Imm sure it is hard bc its hard for me too but they understand... they knwo ur engaged so they understand ur sitaution!!!!
Ur family is expecting this teh moment they heard U got engage.d...

Def talk to FH about waiting til ONE month before the wedding that is good....
pjc92980 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

its a tough situation. FH and i moved in before we even got engaged and to me that is a necessary step to determine if you want to get married. I have friends that got engaged and moved in after the wedding and they tell me very open and honestly that if they lived together first, they would have never gotten married so my viewpoint may be skewed bc to me you should move in beforehand.
I think your best bet would be to be honest with FH. pick a day to do the move (all the big stuff etc) and spend a night or two each week there together but still stay with your family a majority of the time. Then the night of the wedding go there and make it officially yours.
good luck
evita2781 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

i totally understand what you're going through. both of us still live at home and we're in the process of looking for a place to live together and i told FH that i don't want to move in together until after we get married. i figured we waited this long to not live together, what's another few months. plus i want to spend my last few months with my family. Just let your fiance know that you want to spend time with your family and that you guys will be living together forever once you get married and there's no need to rush. if you guys are okay with it, just leave the house vacant until after your married. maybe start moving in your stuff slowly. i'm sorry - i hope it all works out. i'm sure it will
WeezyGirl2354 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I can't really relate since I moved out less then a year after I graduated college.

I lived on my own for 4 years then moved back home after a lay off and no $$ so moving in with FH wasn't a big deal for me leaving the nest.

It was for FH's mother though LOL

I think you need to chat with your family about this and find some middle ground. I see FH's point - it is YOUR home, together, so it's really nice and sweet that he wants to share in that with you - together, at the same time.

Your family knows you are going to be leaving at some point, since you did buy a house.

So maybe instead of right before the wedding - move in like a month or 2. Think of it this way too - are you going to want the added stress of moving into a house RIGHt before the wedding? If you can avoid doing that to you and FH, I would.
VCanizalez Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Posted by evita2781

i totally understand what you're going through. both of us still live at home and we're in the process of looking for a place to live together and i told FH that i don't want to move in together until after we get married. i figured we waited this long to not live together, what's another few months. plus i want to spend my last few months with my family. Just let your fiance know that you want to spend time with your family and that you guys will be living together forever once you get married and there's no need to rush. if you guys are okay with it, just leave the house vacant until after your married. maybe start moving in your stuff slowly. i'm sorry - i hope it all works out. i'm sure it will



Ahh Evita! We are on the same pageeeeeeee
HSsweethearts Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I agree with all of the above.

My situation is a little different since we're on the older side and FH has been living on his own for the past 7 years. He moved out of his old apt into our apt in March and I will move in after the wedding. I understand if your FH doesn't want to do that, but you can always start setting up the house together slowly over time. It's a new house and you were both living at home so most likely you'll be getting a lot of new furniture delivered, so there's no big rish on a moving truck
VCanizalez Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Chica
If you DONT want to move in before the wedding, then Dont do it... U have the REST of ur life to live wiht ur FH...
Enjoy Ur parents, Im sure ur FH will understand that bc he loves U a lot....

Also, just know that Even if you MOVE together BEFORE or AFTER the wedding, there will ALWAYS be problems... So mving in 'together before the wedding' wont solve a problem
So i completely disagree with the statement of 'If i would have move in before getting married, then i woudlnt have got married'...
Remember, u going to be together in tough times n great times too...


My vote is to talk to FH... I am 100% sure since he loves U he will understand chica... Move in after marriage if THIS is what u want to do.
Enjoy this time with ur parents. Move in SLOWLY to ur new place while FH is there too... Remember, U need to 'decorate' ur house so what better way to start doing things Slowluy this wya when U get to ur house, u are 'almost' done
justnicethings Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I know what you're feeling. I've been paying a mortgage on my apartment since January and FH has been living there most of the time (still lived home, both of us) and I made it clear in the beginning that I wasn't going to move in until we were married. It wasn't even a question. A part of me wishes I could live with him, but another part of me is so happy to spend the last 6 months living with my mommy! I'm going to savour these last few months, and FH understands that. Even if he DID want me to move, I don't think it's worth it having ANY sort of argument with my parents about living with him before we're married (there WOULD be an argument) We've waited this long, what's 6 months? In the meantime, I do spend most of my free time there and I tend to stay over on Saturday nights. I'm slowly moving in. Maybe you can use that 'moving truck' to get lots of stuff into the house that you won't need for the remaining 6 months. You can pack your winter clothing away and send it to the house!! You're not alone, and totally not wrong in wanting to stay home. It's your home with FH, but your main role as of now is still daughter/sister. Hopefully FH understands and something tells me he will!!

Danielle41209 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I can't give you much advice because I moved out 3 years ago and FH has lived with me for 2 years. I would've waited to move in with FH but I left LI and went to a place that was unfamiliar to me. My family threw the tradition of waiting out the window because they wanted FH to be there since I was a 24yr girl living alone at the time. For me, it was the best time for FH to see me more often than weekends.

I think you need to follow what you've been doing from day one. Wait until after the wedding so its a moment for you and FH and your new life together as one. If he wants to move in now, let him do it now with all the bigger items and winter clothes, etc. But definitely give yourselves some time to move in....don't do it a few weeks before your wedding... I hope this helps. Sorry I couldn't give better advice...
justnicethings Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Like V, I also disagree with the whole mindset of having to live with FH before marrying him. You've been with your fiance for a REALLY long time, I have gathered. I am sure you're going to have some 'surprises' when you move in (my FH happens to undress for the day at the dining room table, for example), but you guys probably know one another inside out at this point, and you seem like a smart girl who knows the value of compromise, so you're going to be fine. Any REAL issues would have probably come out by now.

VCanizalez Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Posted by justnicethings

Like V, I also disagree with the whole mindset of having to live with FH before marrying him. You've been with your fiance for a REALLY long time, I have gathered. I am sure you're going to have some 'surprises' when you move in (my FH happens to undress for the day at the dining room table, for example), but you guys probably know one another inside out at this point, and you seem like a smart girl who knows the value of compromise, so you're going to be fine. Any REAL issues would have probably come out by now.

^^^^ ITA^^^^^
Thank you for explaning what I wanted to explain...
Sometimes is hard for me bc i always tend to think in Spanish tehn translate lol....

leesah85 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

thx!

dCa51899 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Posted by WeezyGirl2354

I can't really relate since I moved out less then a year after I graduated college.

I lived on my own for 4 years then moved back home after a lay off and no $$ so moving in with FH wasn't a big deal for me leaving the nest.

It was for FH's mother though LOL

I think you need to chat with your family about this and find some middle ground. I see FH's point - it is YOUR home, together, so it's really nice and sweet that he wants to share in that with you - together, at the same time.

Your family knows you are going to be leaving at some point, since you did buy a house.

So maybe instead of right before the wedding - move in like a month or 2. Think of it this way too - are you going to want the added stress of moving into a house RIGHt before the wedding? If you can avoid doing that to you and FH, I would.


i can't really relate too much either....FH both went away for college, we moved back with our parents for 2 years and then moved in together. We've been living together almost 3 years. For me, the decision to move was easy...I always knew he was going to go away to med school, it was just a matter of when/where so when it happened and he was moving to another city, I knew I wanted to go and it was time.

I feel like living together is SOOO much fun and after being away from my parents (even though when i lived with them, they didn't really drive me too crazy), I realize now that I could NEVER live there again! I agree that moving in earlier will avoid adding more stress to the time right around the wedding, but you really should do what you want to do. If you always imagined living with your parents right up to your wedding, then you should do it...nobody else can tell you how you feel. Just explain to your FH that's how you always pictured it and even though he might not fully understand, you have to do what YOU want and what YOU feel comfortable with...
Jenn7982 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I'm in your boat. We just bought a house closing june 2nd. I still live at home, and we're getting married in November too. FH wants me to move in with him, but I told him I probably won't. all for the same reasons as you. He was dissapointed, but he understands as much as he can. I told him i'd probably stay there on the weekends, because our house is about 30 mins away from my parents. That made him feel better...

FutureMrsJC Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Posted by justnicethings

I am sure you're going to have some 'surprises' when you move in (my FH happens to undress for the day at the dining room table, for example),


leesah85 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

dCa51899 Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

Posted by leesah85

yeah, i disagree with the 'you should live together before you get married' mindset as well. we've been together for nearly 8 years, went to the same college and lived in each other's dorm rooms for 4 years, but no place was just 'ours'

and yes, i'm fully aware of my FH's surprises. he must have everything at his fingertips, hence a pile of crap on his bedside table and he generally decides to undress for the day the moment he steps into the house after work he shuts the door and his pants drop. i think it's quite comical. he has a tendency to walk around in trouser socks, boxers and a dress shirt. i love him


awww so cute lol

i dont feel that you have to live together before marriage either....you've been with him a very long time

we were together 9 years when we moved in and everyone tells you 'you're going to learn so much about each other by living together' . I can tell you, there really were no surprises, everything was very easy, so i def wouldn't worry about that
FutureMrsJC Posted:

Re: need some advice - please don't quote

I have lived with FH since before we were engaged, so it is hard for me to understand, but I think what I would do if I were in your shoes is, put aside other's feelings for a minute and think about what YOU really want. Ask yourself - do you want to live with him before you are married? If yes, then explain it to your family and they will hopefully understand. You may be able to do something special for them leading up to you moving out. But if you truly do not want to leave your family until you are married, then I would just talk to FH and explain to him how important it is to you.

There's also some compromises you can try to think of (e.g. spend a few nights a week at the house)

Good luck with your decision! I know it can be tough!

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