to live or not to live

XFINALLYX Posted: Jan 04, 2007 10:16 PM

to live or not to live

ok so FH just moved back in with his parents in NY (i live in florida right now) so he can go into the police academy. we're both completely miserable that i'll be living here for quite some time (depends on how long i can last but our lease is up in july) now FH brought up the fact that i could move back in a month and live with his parents until our wedding (september, we'd move out around july/august) so we can save up money for the wedding, however, i do not get along with FILs and i lived with them for almost 2 years and was completely miserable. if you were me, would you move back in with them so you could be with your FH who you miss so much, or would you stay here in FL and suck it up?

hayleyandsteve Posted: Jan 04, 2007 10:20 PM

Re: to live or not to live

I think it's hard for me to judge because I don't know the full situation.

You say you'll be miserable without him, but you'll also be miserable if you're living with his parents.... which would be worse for you?

Maybe you can make a list of the pros and cons...

I'm sure it would make you very happy to live with your FH and it would probably help to save money for your wedding... but how miserable would it be for you and your future in-laws? you're the only one who knows which would make you feel worse..... i'd just suggest listing the pros and cons...

or, when i was younger and had to make a decision that i thought was hard.... my dad would flip a coin, and before he showed me what it landed on he'd say... 'isn't there an answer that you're secretly hoping for?' and there always was....

luvabul Posted: Jan 04, 2007 10:42 PM

Re: to live or not to live

i agree...if i were you, i wouldnt live with my inlaws if i wasnt happy with them, too much tension...it can result in you guys getting in to bigger fights

LaurenF Posted: Jan 04, 2007 10:57 PM

Re: to live or not to live

Posted by hayleyandsteve

or, when i was younger and had to make a decision that i thought was hard.... my dad would flip a coin, and before he showed me what it landed on he'd say... 'isn't there an answer that you're secretly hoping for?' and there always was....

that's so true.... funny that you actually said it, because i've never actually thought of it that way but you're so right!

LaurenF Posted: Jan 04, 2007 10:59 PM

Re: to live or not to live

If you moved in with your FILs, do you think it would get to the point where your dislike of them would pin you and you FH against eachother? i know some people are really protective of their parents no matter how intolerable they may be. i think it would really drive you two apart if no matter how horrible they were to you, he defended them each time.

mrsh2b Posted: Jan 04, 2007 11:25 PM

Re: to live or not to live

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be away from your FH but I can remember some of your posts re: your FIL's and I can not possibly imagine the strain that could put on your relationship if you move back in with them. Personally, I would suck it up. Good luck with whatever you choose!

SusanAdam Posted: Jan 05, 2007 12:39 AM

Re: to live or not to live

I can't imagine how tough this situation has to be for you. I would be miserable being so far apart from FH, but on the other hand, I don't know if I could move into a place where I would be miserable in a different way. I would be worried about what it might do to FH and I if I was having conflicts with his parents. How were things with you and FH when you were living there before? That would be nice to save up money and all, but I agree that you should sit down and make a list of all the positives and negatives. Good luck with your decision!

AeroJenn Posted: Jan 05, 2007 12:39 AM

Re: to live or not to live

Posted by LaurenF

Posted by hayleyandsteve

or, when i was younger and had to make a decision that i thought was hard.... my dad would flip a coin, and before he showed me what it landed on he'd say... 'isn't there an answer that you're secretly hoping for?' and there always was....

that's so true.... funny that you actually said it, because i've never actually thought of it that way but you're so right!

Honestly, thats probably some of the best advice I have ever seen in my whole life. We always around thinking its so hard to make decisions, and yet, its true...there is always an answer we're secretly hoping for. Thanks for sharing that

PegaLega Posted: Jan 05, 2007 01:44 AM

Re: to live or not to live

THats tough, sorry Icant help. But Im sure you will figure out what you reallyw ant

Kara and Todd Posted: Jan 05, 2007 08:38 AM

Re: to live or not to live

I really can't judge because I don't know the entire situation... but I generally don't think it's healthy for couples to live with either set of parents in their parents' home.

cherish83 Posted: Jan 05, 2007 09:03 AM

Re: to live or not to live

Posted by luvabul

i agree...if i were you, i wouldnt live with my inlaws if i wasnt happy with them, too much tension...it can result in you guys getting in to bigger fights

I agree.

korndoggie Posted: Jan 05, 2007 09:06 AM

Re: to live or not to live

If you move in with them do you think it would help your relationship? If you think this is something that can be worked out (if they need to get to know you or something) then sure, move in. If you think it's just going to make it worse and make everyone miserable then don't do it. It's just added, unnecessary stress before you get married.

Good Luck!

XFINALLYX Posted: Jan 05, 2007 11:44 AM

Re: to live or not to live

see the coin flip thing is absolutely true but i dont secretly have a choice i wish for. i hate both situations haha. its nice to be living here in florida working at disney and seeing my mom once in a blue moon, but i went from living with my FH for 3 years to not seeing him for like 6 months?? thats beyond hard. in fact it seems impossible to me. we're at the 8 month mark till our wedding and we have absolutely no money saved. we only have our church, hall and photographer booked. i'm freaking out because of that. we figure every month that we stay with his parents we save 1000 and then on top of that we can try to save another 600 each. then we'll actually have enough money for the wedding. we did fight alot when i lived there because i was completely miserable and FMIL is a complete biyatch. she's condescending and doesn't know how to talk to people. FH sees it but doesnt wanna get involved. he yelled at me more than he yelled at her. however, we still fight over his mother even living states away. :( i just miss him more than anything and its clouding my mind.