I'm trying so hard to keep in mind that in the end, the hassles of planning won't be remembered, but i find that so hard to believe. today was a disaster!
First we had a big blowup at Pedestals (gorgeous flowers, by the way!!!), that was between my dad and my FH and his dad. Then we went to two photographers...after the second one, my dad and FFIL blew up at each other. My father was saying that these decisions should be up to me and FH, but my FFIL thought otherwise. So the two men snapped at each other. then my ffil started yelling at me. i was in tears! FH - thank goodness he got over what had happened earlier at the florist - didn't know what to do because i was crying and i come home to a message from my dad about how he's not doing anymore wedding stuff for awhile.
I thought this is supposed to be fun....is anyone having a good time with this process?
Faith
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Re: Today was a Nightmare!
Sounds like a very rough day I agree, planning can be extremely stressful and sometimes emotions run high. Hope things get better for you
waterspout4
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I never thought I'd be glad to paying for our own wedding. No one has say.
N.Y.bride
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I'm very sorry Why are your dads involved? Do they have to be?
jimmysgrl
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It might be best that they aren't there during the planning stages. I'm so sorry
Calimali
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Im so sorry you had such a rough time planning! It is supposed to be fun and it can be. Maybe you shouldnt bring family members with you to visit vendors. It should just be just you and FH. If he can't come with you to appointments, maybe bring one friend or go by yourself. Everyone has a different opinion on decisions that have to be made. You are the bride, you should decide with FH. Good luck, we all have rough days with planning.
kris15198
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I agree. Maybe you could go around with your FI find the place you like and then bring your FFIL, and your dad on separate occasions.
LaLa
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I think it would be best if you left the fathers home for most of the planning. I wouldn't consider taking mine. Good luck.
JennyAl
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so sorry to hear that! maybe it'll all just blow over....
lrs2005
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My dad did not come with me to a single vendor appointment let alone my FIL. I only took my mom and my MIL dress shopping and they saw me in the dress seperately. I did get approval from both sides about our venue but DH and I had already picked it and this was more of a formality than anything else. As for all the other appointments I went with my mom or my grandma or my DH. The dads only responsibility was to wear the tux, show up, give us away and smile for the photos. Yes, they paid for our wedding but they were more than happy to leave the big things up to me.
Of all my real life friends none of them ever brought their fathers or FFILs to any vendor beyond the hall. Good luck
janelovesharry
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I'm sorry, here are some hugs
GsCM4EVA
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i learned this the hard way too.... i have one suggestion... DO NOT BRING ANYONE WHEN YOU ARE BOOKING SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!
babybug631
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Why are 4 people going to each vendor? Who is paying for the wedding???? If both parents are then you need to split the vendors, like your dad pay for florist and FFIL pay for photographer. Otherwise all you will do is fight. I'm sorry you are going thru this. It will get better I promise.
Noiva06
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Re: Today was a Nightmare!
Posted by babybug631
Why are 4 people going to each vendor? Who is paying for the wedding???? If both parents are then you need to split the vendors, like your dad pay for florist and FFIL pay for photographer. Otherwise all you will do is fight. I'm sorry you are going thru this. It will get better I promise.
I agree... that many people should not be going to vendor appointments. Split the vendors between who is paying for what because everyone feels the need to chime in with their own opinions, regardless of whether they are paying or not. Be strong and don't worry, things will get better.
R&J0806
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Thanks for your advice girls, and I don't mean this to sound depressing, but my father goes with me because my mother passed away. My FH parents go because they are paying for half. And while my father would book whoever i like for everything (assuming it wasn't outrageously expensive), my FH's parents would not.
This weekend was bad. As a result of the blowup, my father had to go to his doctor and his blood pressure is up. My father has a heart condition so that makes me nervous. To that end, he decided not to go to any more vendors with FH's parents unless it was to sign a contract. And truthfully, if its going to cause less aggrivation for my father & I, I don't really care either. And that's such a shame because I was really excited about all this.
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Today was a Nightmare!
Everything will be okay You and your FH should try to visit a bunch of vendors alone, and narrow them down before you show the fathers. That way it's a little less stress. We did this because my parents are OOT and this way they had less to travel.
SuzBride
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Re: Today was a Nightmare!
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
Everything will be okay You and your FH should try to visit a bunch of vendors alone, and narrow them down before you show the fathers. That way it's a little less stress. We did this because my parents are OOT and this way they had less to travel.
I agree. Narrow it down to maybe two that you love, and go back with the FILs. (either go with just your FH, or even your FH and father - since your father seems more reasonable!).
Also have FH express to his parents that although you value their opinion, ultimately it is your decision since it is your wedding. Don't let your FILs make all the decisions, or your wedding will no longer be your own.
TheBigDay
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i feel you.. my mom has done the going to places thing cause she is very.. it's your decision... she has not put much input into anything... only points out pros and cons to everything so I am aware of these things when making a decision... I try to avoid telling FMIL too much cause she gets pushy and out of control wanting what SHE wants...
I know having other people's opinions helps, but limit the number of people or the type of person you ask opinions from...
