Today was the last straw and may have done something I will regret or not!!! (very very long)

I have been having huge problems with my father since the day I started dating my FH. He sees me as 5 and always has, always will. He likes FH, or so he says but he is just a very stubborn Italian man. Well, since the day I started planning it has been what he wants. He wants to walk me down the isle, he is the only one driving to church with me, he will pick the seating for his family and on and on and on. Well, he wants all the traditional things a father does at a wedding, but he doesn't want to help out with the bill. I am sitting here crying like I have been all day because I am so sick of him psychologically screwing with my head. I went to his house today to finalize his guest list. we finished the guest list and he said well, you know what your getting. I said look, you need to help out a little more. He says he is not giving anymore he is paying for the people he invited and that is it. I am not spoiled by any means and I hope I don't sound like I am, but he is just such a terrible father. I can't take it anymore. There is much more besides all this wedding and paying going on. He has always been very mean and messes with my head always. He told me I was being a Jap. I said a jap, where is that coming from. When I was in college, I racked up a huge credit card bill. Well to keep me from going bankrupt he paid it off. Everything on that card was for school which he promised to pay for but he didn't believe me. When he paid that he said he was deducting it from money for my wedding. So that is where the jap came from, that ticked me off, i said, how am I a jap, I have nothing. I have a crappy car, I have no designer clothes, I am busting my butt working two jobs making if I am lucky 17,000 a year, going to school full-time and planning a wedding amongst taking care of my mom who is still hurt from her accident. How am I a jap? Well, anyway, then we started fighting about that. He is giving me very minimal amount of money. He says to me, lots of people get married and their parents give them a certain amount and thats it. Yeah, that fine, and I agree with that, but what he is giving doesn't even cover the church. I said things changed and cost more these days. Then i started crying and said for goodness sake I picked the cheapest place on LI to get married. Sure I would have loved to get married at Oheka or Leonards. But I knew that it was out of the question. Then I started really crying and he says, wow, turning on the waterworks again. Well, that ticked me off and I said, Ya know what dad, I don't need this c r a p, Don't F*cken bother coming to my wedding and I stormed out the door. I just can't take it anymore. I am under so much pressure everywhere with work and school and this wedding that I don't need to be screwed with psychologically by my own father. I have just had enough. I know I shouldn't expect anything, but Ihe did promise it and he is my father. I thought parents tried to help their kids, not mine, he loves to see me hurting and crying. My mother is going to the end of the earth to help out with this weding, but my father, he is going to the end of the earth to make me miserable and ruin my day. He even had a nasty comment about our ceremony. After the unity candle we are haveing a small prayer joining me, FH and his son as a family. His comment to that was, whay is he involved. I said we are going to be a family. He said oh, whatever. I guess I am asking a lot from him to accept FH and FH's son, considering he has yet to accept his own daughter. I am sorry this is so long. I am just so sick from this and had to get it out. He knows I am a very vulnerable person and I am just sick of him taking advantage of me.
Just to add one more thing. When my father married my mother, he did not pay a dime for their wedding. My mothers parents payed for the whole thing. I hate him. I truly do. I can't wait til spring when he moves to Florida and I never have to see him or put up with his psychological abuse again. I am just so hurt and tired by it.

I'm so sorry about how you are feeling. I understand how spme people's parents can be so insensitive. My father doesn't even DESERVE to walk me down the aisle. He does nothing for me, nor is he paying a DIME towards my wedding. NADA...but he sends his STEPMOM who doesnt even call him her son $100 bucks each time he gets paid. How funny that he could care less about his own flesh and blood. It DEFINITELY hurts, and the worse part is, they KNOW it hurts...and that just gives him more ammunition to use against you. You DON'T need him at your wedding. You can have ANYBODY walk you down the aisle....I know he is your father and it's hard to exclude him, but it sounds like he is set in his ways. I really think it's impossioble to get through to people who are so self-centered. You can try, but don't let it consume all your energy. Focus on all the other good things, if you can...and you can FM me if you need to chat :0)

Honey stop crying and try to calm down. This is a stressful time and sometimes people act like a jacka**Is there anyone who could talk to your father for u and have him see your side? They could mediate things between u. I hope things work out for u and if u need to talk we are all here for u!

Jaime,

You know that I totally know where you are coming from. My sperm donor is an idiot to say the least. He complained through the father/daughter dance and then yelled at my photographer that they were not paying enough attention to him- if you can believe that.

If you remember I too, also told my Father not to come! That was a wake up call for him to keep his mouth shut for awhile.

Please try to keep your chin up and remember that he doesn't DESERVE YOU as a daughter!!

I am here if you need me- feel free to FM me anytime!!

Thank you all. I am just so incredibly hurt. I am his only daughter. And the psychological abuse is killing me. I should be able to deal with it, I was a psych major, but coming from my own father it is just so hurtful and unexpected. I wish there was someone who could talk to him, but he is just so stubborn. His own wife doesn't know what he is doing to me!

I am soooos sorry this happened this way. I hope your father will realize that you are his only daughter and he should love you and be there for you no matter what.
Please feel better, I know it is hard right now but please try to.
Lean on your FH and I am sure he will be strong and support you on this

I feel horrible for what you are going through. I wish there were some advice I could give you.

However, I do feel the need to offer a slightly different spin on things. I know one bride whose father died 2 months after she got engaged. She didn't have the chance to have him at her wedding. I'm sure she would switch with you in an instant. You are his baby, and he think you want things the same way he does.

Also, I offer my own situation. My parents are not people with money, and I am one of 3 daughters. My parents' contribution to my wedding is the e-party (only$500), the yarmulkes ($300) and my dress ($650). I don't want to put a price tag on how much they are giving me financially. I only know that I would pay THEM if I had to. I have always been very close with my parents, so I am very lucky. I just want my parents to walk me down the aisle. (Jewish tradition- if both parents are still a live, both walk with the bride AND both the grooms parents walk with him.) And I can't wait to dance with my father. He walks with a walker now, and the fact that he will be ab le to do these things brings a tear to my eyes. He says he'll crawl if he has to, but he will escort me down the aisle.

I suggest doing anything you can to come to a compromise with your dad. I'm sure you love each other, at least on some level, and I am afraid one or both of you will regret it if you don't. Good luck.