Today's appointment and one tomorrow too ( a bit long)

Well the baby didn't turn- as I already knew just by feeling my belly. But of course they need to confirm it with a photo so they did. The NST at first was all wacky since the baby decided to move left or right every 3 minutes and they couldn't get a good reading but then the midwife gave me ice chips and the baby became very cooperative and happy and responded well.

Our LIW OBs have both helped me a ton and told me I can get a second opinion about the turn since the head of OB at my hospital said No way since I have GD. But I am not sure what to do about that just yet. I will speak to my midwife tomorrow about it. The baby is in a Frank Breech and even the external turn is not very sucessful with these types of babies.
I don't know if I could handle the dissappointment if it didn't work.


The midwife told me that they want to schedule the 'c' word for late next week most likely although nothing is set in stone just yet. And to make matters worse the nurse in the room mentioned to me that any baby born to a GD Mom is taken to the NIC unit asap for monitoring. I told the midwife that unless something is wrong I want to hold the baby first and will not allow them to just start taking the baby after I see him/her for 10 seconds. Of course if something was wrong (which is the procedure in ANY birth) then the baby's health comes first. I also told the midwife NO staples, since I read that women with disposable stitches seem to recover better and I am dealthy afriad of the staples (even though I have heard they do not hurt). She said that is fine and that has been done plenty of time before and it is my choice. I also said my arms cannot be tied down and she said that is also done and okay.
I started to cry though because I just cannot believe that this is happening and I am truly afraid of the surgery- not just a little afraid but I mean terrified of the entire thing, right down to the needle in my back and walking later that day. I just cannot get past this. yes, there are worse things that could happen. yes, this is done everyday. I KNOW all of that. I understand what happens during the surgery. And I beg you please do not tell me to focus on the end result because that just is not helping right now. All I see is an operation, not a birth. I see a cold room full of lights and strangers at one of the most private time in my life. I don't get to say 'Honey, it's time' or make the 'we are on our way' calls or time the contractions or even feel what labor feels like. I asked if I was allowed to labor before the c-section but was told No because the cord could come before the baby and that is VERY bad.


I did a lot of reseach over the past few days and there are many women who feel like I do- that they are not 'whole' and that they missed out the act of giving birth, which is something many looked forward to for a long time. I also know many women don't mind a c-section one bit and it was fine with them. But I don't seem to be able to move my thinking over to that. I am just not sure I can. I did feel better knowing that so many women write about how I feel right now.

Tomorrow:
I have the chiropractor tomorrow at 10am to do a technique that has been known to turn a baby. My midwife said she has had girls who have had success with it so there is hope that it will work BUT I could see her face and she really doesn't believe that the baby will turn at this point. But she did say it has happened and can happen and there is still a chance that it will.

Here is just some info to explain:
There are three types of breech positions:
a) Frank breech: In this position, you find that the baby’s bottom is down with its legs extended up towards the face.
b) Complete breech: In this position, the thighs are flexed at the groin, but the legs are bent at the knees, almost as if the baby were sitting cross-legged.
c) Incomplete breech: In this position, one or more of the feet or knees lies below the level of the buttocks of the baby, making it the part of the baby closest to the mother’s vagina.
From a study that I found and I have been told by midwife also:
Other research has shown that when ECV is tried with a woman who is having her first baby, or when the baby has its legs straight alongside its body (frank breech position), ECV is less likely to be successful.


Anyway, thanks for letting me cry on your shoulders. As always, I appreciate it very much.

Michele, I wish I had some great words of wisdom to make you feel better, but I don't. I will say that you will be every bit as much a mom regardless of which way the baby gets here! I also understand your fear of surgery. I think it's pretty normal. I know that you are disappointed because having a vaginal birth is so important to you, but maybe if you think of it as helping your baby be healthy (which you have already done so well even with the GD) it might make you feel a little better.

I will still wish some baby turn vibes for you!! You never know...it could still happen!!

Oh hun, you will be fine!!!

I know you are scared of having the c-section. I was dead set against it but wound up having one. I wanted the whole birth experience but Emma wasnt having it. In my hospital

They brought me in to the OR (I was in transition when it happened 9CM) gave me the spinal which was scary having a needle in my spine but once it was over it was done.

I layed down on the bed. They started to prep my belly. They put the curtain up. Checked to see if I had any feeling, which I did. They waited till I was numb. Brought FH in. They did not strap down my arms. Fh was holding my hand. And yes, I was SCARED. I had had surgery the year before for an umbilical hernia so I was a bit prepared. The anastegiologist was above me telling me that it was beginning. I made him talk to me so I was less nervous. I remember the words he was telling me to this day. FH was watching over the curtain. The anastegiologist told me it was going to feel like someone was walking on my chest. Then they pulled Emma out. FH was the first to announce that it was a girl. At first there were no sounds so I started to panic. FH said she was squirming. Then the OB showed her to me fresh out of me. She still wasnt making any noise. They brought her over to the warmer where she started to scream. It was the most touching moment ever. Such a sweet sound. The cleaned her as they stitched me up. They showed her to me. I got to look at her and kiss her. FH went with her to the nursery and they left me there to get cleaned up and to recovery till I could feel my legs which took 2 hours.

I figured I would tell you my story to let you know there are good memories and things you will never forget from having a c-section.

I know you are nervous about being in a cold room and yes thats a downfall but when you are giving birth vaginally there are a whole bunch of strangers in there with you then too all waiting for you to puch out the baby.

Yes, having the c-section did make me feel like I missed out on something. In a way the whole thing does not feel complete. But I had the entire pregnancy, the feelings of the baby kicking and moving, I know you may not have it but labor (which is not everything its cracked up to be) then hearing the baby cry for the first time and seeing her as a 10 second and 5 minute old then 2 hour old baby.

And there is always VBAC if you and your MW is ok with that. There is always next time.

I just want to give you many 's. You are going to have your baby soon. This stress will be over. Yes, surgery no matter how minor is scarey but you will have very trained professionals that do this on a regular basis. Your recovery will be a bit harder than a person who had a vaginal birth but in a day or so you will be up and walking, slowly but walking AND you will have your baby.

Is there a way to have it video taped?

Please no more tears, its an experience you will never want to forget!!!

I TOTALLY understand!! I felt the same way. And the first thing I asked my doctor was the next time can I have a vagina! birth. Which he said yes!
If I could of changed things I would have. I wish you all the best!

I wish I had the proper words but I know at this point there's next to nothing that'll make you feel better about what's going on.
I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I'm thinking of you.

Big to you Michele. I don't know what to say either, I know you're very disappointed and scared. Will your midwife be there during the process? Does she help the Dr in anyway? Will she be there during your recover? Have you met the Dr that will perform it?

Just know that we're all supporting you through this.

No great words of wisdom... just lots of hugs and sympathy.

I'm sorry, Michele. I can't imagine what you're feeling.

Michele,
I know it s not what you want to hear, but you will be ok. I and alot of us, have had surgeries before, of all sorts, and its not a big deal. Please trust me. Now, I have never had a c section, so I am sure that's not a piece of cake but it's done to millions of women.


Think of all us LIW ladies and look at Scott and you will be fine

I dont know what to say but hugs to you

Actually I have had 3 arm surgeries in my mid-late 20's. I took a bad fall during my college waitressing day and messed myself up pretty good.
I had to have my arm broken and then had plates and screws inserted to make it 'set' in a different place because I fell and tore my wrist ligaments. I then had the plates/screws removed. My 3rd and final was on my other arm when they had to re-route a nerve due to compression from the fall. Each time I had a lot of healing problems and problems with pain meds. I simply cannot take them. I just get sick, sick, sick for hours, even on the low dose stuff. My scars had sensitivity issues for months and months. So my fears are really based on previous experience, not just in my head. That is the problem. I am afraid of being in sooo much pain and trying to nurse a baby and care for a baby and not being able to like I wanted.

In the birth with a midwife it would have only been Scott, midwife, a nurse and myself- not a lot of people. That was the whole point of going to the midwife. I am a very private person and wanted a very calm, private birth. Having a team of people around me was a huge fear of mine even before I got pregnant.

Niha- yes Barbara will be with me the whole time. She scrubs in for the operation and stays with me.

Oh, I understand now. Im so sorry you cant have what you want!

To this day (16 months later) I can not touch my scar! I know what you mean about sensitivity issues. It takes about a month to feel normal again... It is a bit difficult to sit up in bed because your stomach muscles have been cut but they heal. Taking care of your little one for that time should not be too hard. I nursed Emma as soon as I saw her. Just have a pillow for the baby to lay on. You can use the football hold so the baby isnt laying on your stomach. Are you going to have DH or family to help you?? Its not like they are running around. Heck you can get someone to cook and clean for you because you arent allowed to lift anything heavier than the baby for 6 weeks... no driving or vacuuming either.

You dont know how badly I wish I could jump through the computer and give you a hug. I know the stress you are under but believe me, I know you dont want to hear this, as soon as the baby comes this will all be a memory.

Michele, I don't know how you feel, so I apologize. Just let me offer lots of

this stinks. I hate that you have to feel this way. I cannot imagine your disappointment and think you deserve all the tears you want.

That said...I truly believe these things are pre-determined. And this is clearly what is supposed to happen as of right now. (of course there is a possibility of movement still). You are MORE the perfect mommy I think for braving something that you are so terrified of. This is the true test of what you are willing to sacrifice to make sure this little wonder is born safely.

No matter how he or she gets out, he or she is still born. I know it doesn't feel like that to you right now...but it feels that way to anybody who has listened to you and read your words over the last 8 months.

Born of your safe womb, your healthy choices, your dedication and commitment, your thirst for knowledge and ultimately your love between you and Scott. Nobody can take that away. You are going to give birth to your baby in the safest way possible to start that little life, and that, I think.... is what a mother truly is.



(plus there will be no conehead and that's always weird when people come see the baby and it looks like a conehead. saves you that weird embarassment. )

Much hugs and love. Please let us know any udpates.

Michele
I dont know if I can say much to make you feel better.

What I can share with you is that my friend who just had her baby a few weeks ago, the baby was breech also. She was terrified of having the surgery. She was trying in every way to get around it, but in the end she had no choice . In the end, it wasnt as bad as she thought. Another friend of mine had the surgery months back and it was the anticipation leading up to it rather than the procedure itself.

Hope you are feeling better about it.

I know nothing I can say will make you feel better, but I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. I'm hoping that the baby will turn over the next week.

I'm sorry you're so upset! I think a lot of us have the same fears as you - thanks for being brave enough to talk about them. I hope that in the end, the baby cooperates!!