Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

Original post by nrvbrd

Mar 05, 2004 11:11 AM

This morning my husband informed me that a friend of ours was stopping by tomorrow afternoon.

Of course I get nervous, because tomorrow I planned on going to the hairdresser, doing laundry and doing some light grocery shopping.

Well my plans have changed. I am going to do laundry TONIGHT, get up extra early to grocery shop and get my hair done. Then to come home to make sure the apt is as tidy as can be.

Dh goes, do not make yourself crazy, guys do not care about stuff like that. I said sure if you were a single man on your own, fine, but you are married and as the lady of the house if someone comes over to a dirty place- it reflects badly on me.

I will admit I often think this way. We went over to his single friend's house it was undeniably a mess, but I did not stress it but had he been living with a woman, I would been appalled.

I know this isn't right, but how I feel.

Thoughts???

TrayLu47 Posted: Mar 05, 2004 02:26 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

I also think this is a cultural thing. I'm British/Jamaican - and how you kept your home was a big thing among family and friends. Some people don't believe this is necessary, but it's pretty much inculcated into my life, so it's almost automatic for me. Once I was at school and hubby called me in class and told me that some friends from out of town were coming over! I immediately panicked b/c there was no way I could get home in time before them. I was on the phone with hubby giving him blow by blow instructions on what to do! I'm always concerned whether or not the bathroom is clean. Is the toilet clean, did we leave dirty clothes laying around etc.

Kysha, i do see what you mean, if the laundry piles are all over the place, that is not a comfortable situation, so I see why you have to switch around your schedule. As long as you are fine with it is what's important.

kmcwed Posted: Mar 05, 2004 03:43 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

nrvbrd Posted: Mar 05, 2004 03:46 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

Posted by kmcwed

Tray, I agree. Cultural or simply the way you are raised.

I think to a lot of men, your home is just where you hang your hat. They don't care if there are flowers outside, or if the house is neat and clean. Just give them a bed, some food (any food will do), and a TV and remote. LOL.

I think women are much more sensitive to their surroundings and are effected emotionally but their surroundings. At least speaking for myself, that's the case. My home has to be my sanctuary, and a sanctuary doesn't have crap lying all over the place.

AMEN!!!! You hit it on the nail.

This is how I feel- they just do not get it.

kmcwed Posted: Mar 05, 2004 03:47 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

WeDidIt! Posted: Mar 05, 2004 03:56 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

know exactly how you feel. Whether right or wrong, I always believe that the condition of the house is more of a reflection of the woman in the house. Because of that I am very conscious of how my home looks when we have guest coming over.

MizStinker Posted: Mar 05, 2004 04:00 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

actually I read an article recently (I think on MSN) about this. It was pretty intresting.

On the flip side - I grew up in a completely messy home my mother is the worst housekeeper ever, I remember being embarrassed when I was little because my friends houses were so clean - I backlashed at that and have kept her house until the day I left (and sometimes still do) and my house in spotless condition at all times. I drive FH mad especially when people are coming over.

I am June Cleaver - I feel I show that care for my FH by taking care of him and our home. I know its very old fashioned but I can't help it.

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Mar 05, 2004 04:02 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii k!~!!!!~~~~

nrvbrd Posted: Mar 05, 2004 04:04 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

Posted by Ronnie&Theresa

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii k!~!!!!~~~~

Hey Hot mama- soon to be TIA. isn't that aunty in spanish?

ChristineC68 Posted: Mar 05, 2004 05:44 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

I just don't understand why working women would perputuate expectations like that on other women.

Most households are duel income, why should it be assumed that the responsibility of keeping the house fall entirely on women that are working outside the home as much and as hard as men?

ETA: I am not saying to live in a pig sty or to not give a little extra sparkle for company, just not have it reflect entirely on the woman of the house.

nrvbrd Posted: Mar 08, 2004 09:36 AM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

Posted by ChristineC68

I just don't understand why working women would perputuate expectations like that on other women.

Most households are duel income, why should it be assumed that the responsibility of keeping the house fall entirely on women that are working outside the home as much and as hard as men?

ETA: I am not saying to live in a pig sty or to not give a little extra sparkle for company, just not have it reflect entirely on the woman of the house.

I know what you mean Christine and it is SO NOT FAIR!!! However maybe it has something to do with the way women are socialized.

Nowadays it is a dual income household, but people still look to the woman as the care giver of the home, the nurturer etc etc.

It is hard to explain.

ChristineC68 Posted: Mar 08, 2004 11:36 AM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

Posted by nrvbrd

I know what you mean Christine and it is SO NOT FAIR!!! However maybe it has something to do with the way women are socialized.

Well, as part of society we should work on changing that perception.

shamma Posted: Mar 08, 2004 12:18 PM

Re: Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

Roger would definitely run home to do the cleaning up. Especially if its in a general area that he or my SS has made a mess in. No one is coming in the bedroom so as long as its clean and I can reach the remote I am good to go.

PS this happened yesterday, you should have seen him washing dishes and closing doors to rooms that was less than presentable, hey they were not my guest and I was at church all day. So if you invite people over you are responsible for having the house look presentable.