Totally a double standard- but what impression does this give off?

This morning my husband informed me that a friend of ours was stopping by tomorrow afternoon.

Of course I get nervous, because tomorrow I planned on going to the hairdresser, doing laundry and doing some light grocery shopping.

Well my plans have changed. I am going to do laundry TONIGHT, get up extra early to grocery shop and get my hair done. Then to come home to make sure the apt is as tidy as can be.

Dh goes, do not make yourself crazy, guys do not care about stuff like that. I said sure if you were a single man on your own, fine, but you are married and as the lady of the house if someone comes over to a dirty place- it reflects badly on me.

I will admit I often think this way. We went over to his single friend's house it was undeniably a mess, but I did not stress it but had he been living with a woman, I would been appalled.

I know this isn't right, but how I feel.

Thoughts???

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Posted by nrvbrd

This morning my husband informed me that a friend of ours was stopping by tomorrow afternoon.

Of course I get nervous, because tomorrow I planned on going to the hairdresser, doing laundry and doing some light grocery shopping.

Well my plans have changed. I am going to do laundry TONIGHT, get up extra early to grocery shop and get my hair done. Then to come home to make sure the apt is as tidy as can be.

Dh goes, do not make yourself crazy, guys do not care about stuff like that. I said sure if you were a single man on your own, fine, but you are married and as the lady of the house if someone comes over to a dirty place- it reflects badly on me.

I will admit I often think this way. We went over to his single friend's house it was undeniably a mess, but I did not stress it but had he been living with a woman, I would been appalled.

I know this isn't right, but how I feel.

Thoughts???

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Dont make yourself nuts, hubby should help though.

Keep your plans, do you need to be there? If not enjoy your plans

Everthing will be fine, Im sure your Apt is not as messy as you think

I WOULD not change my plans for tomorrow. This is a last minute...Im going to stop by...kind of thing. Honestly....how messy can your place be??

do the 2 minute dash when you get home tonight...put all clutter in a laudry basket and put it in your bedroon and close the door. A guy will not notice that you didnt do spring cleaning.,...

I hear you and I agree, I feel the same way.......

eta - people care, no matter what anyone else says people are looking at that, women will always have that burden to bear. how in the world could people not notice your looking a mess.

Kysha, I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!!!!

That’s what I always try to explain to DH, but he just doesn’t get it. No matter what, if the apartment is not tidy, it's always 'the woman's fault'. He always says 'don’t make yourself crazy, nobody cares!' yeah, right! it’s not fare but that’s how it is! Total double standard!

Granted, I try to keep up the place and make sure it's nice looking everyday, but it's different when you know someone is coming over! they don't get it!

Thanks, also this particular friend has never been over to our place. So I would like to make a nice first impression.

Our place is pretty tidy. I just do not want him walking in as I am putting laundry away.

I agree with you, your place most certainly is a reflection on you! However, in a case like this, hubby should help out and you should be able to keep your plans. This has happened to hubby and I before. How I handle it - the night before, take 2 hours so that the both of you together can clean up. If you need snacks, let hubby run out in the morning and pick up some stuff for the friend and then you go about doing your Saturday plans. It's all about working together and compromising. Since it's his guests, yes, you have to be mindful of that, but it shouldn't be to the point where you have totally change around everything you're doing - you both can have your cake and eat it too!

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Posted by TrayLu47

I agree with you, your place most certainly is a reflection on you! However, in a case like this, hubby should help out and you should be able to keep your plans. This has happened to hubby and I before. How I handle it - the night before, take 2 hours so that the both of you together can clean up. If you need snacks, let hubby run out in the morning and pick up some stuff for the friend and then you go about doing your Saturday plans. It's all about working together and compromising. Since it's his guests, yes, you have to be mindful of that, but it shouldn't be to the point where you have totally change around everything you're doing - you both can have your cake and eat it too!

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Thanks Tray.

Tonight Hubby will clean the bathroom and dust and such. It should all work out fine. My main point was that he does not think I should worry about cleaning and straightening up since it is a guy. This is what I have to set him straight on

Ugh! My hubby does the same thing all the time, last week he had his friend come over at the last minute-I was at work, and he did not even straighten up or anything. It was a Wed. and you know how you clean on the weekends, so mid-week clutter etc is everywhere?! He said he 'straightened up' but to me the house looked a mess. He was all, 'dont worry, its only Mike! Whats the big deal?' Mike is a single guy who probably wouldnt notice if I had a zoo in my basement, but still I dont like having people come over to a messy house. He did it again for tomorrow, so its home tonight to clean. I love him enough to know that he doesnt know any better he loves to entertain, thinks hes Martha Stewart, but I always end up cleaning. When he cleans, I usually end up redoing it anyway

I think tidy is fine - no dishes in the sink, no laundry laying hanging or waiting to be put away, a quick wipe down of the bathroom sink & toilet, remove clutter etc.

I would change things to make it easier on my self or give me peace of mind but I doubt I would rearrange my entire schedule for a last minute guest of my DH.

It seems I am in the minority here - I really do not judge my friends based on how well they keep their house clean.

Christine, I do see your point.

I am actually not re arranging my entire schedule, just doing the laundry tonight instead of tomorrow.

I will be honest, if I went to a friend's house and it was a complete and utter mess that would certainily raise an eyebrow. The person would still be my friend

Okay, I see what you mean. My hubby does says that all the time 'don't worry about, it's only such and such coming over!' The funny thing is, when they come over they always comment on how nice the place is kept! I just look at hubby like 'see!' People do notice your place.

I do believe that your home is a reflection of you. You can learn so much about a person by just walking through their home you get a sense of their creativity, how organized they are, and the frame of mind they are in. JMO.

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Posted by nrvbrd


I will be honest, if I went to a friend's house and it was a complete and utter mess that would certainily raise an eyebrow. The person would still be my friend

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I'd be like holy cow, need a hand??

I know that your home can be a reflection of you but I don't think it's entirely accurate.

If my house were ever to be spotless & completely organized it would mean I am bored and have not been doing anything else

I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself

I think that men really don't notice if a house is tidy or not (if it's a pig-sty they'll probably notice) but even if it was, why would it be a reflection on YOU? Not your DH & you? Or just DH?

Could you tidy up tonight and do your errands tomorrow? Or do you have to be at the apartment when your husband's friend comes over? Or just ask DH to tidy up - it's his friend that is coming over

I understand where you are coming from and I sometimes do the same if someone says 'I'm stopping by' but if it's going to interfere with my plans I'm not going to change them for one person stopping by. I would vacuum and make sure there isn't crap all over the couches, but I don't see why the man cannot do the same.

I wouldnt change my plans for the day. What if your hubby spends time with this friend while you are off doing what you need to do and what you planned? I am the same way though if someone is coming over. I cant leave it looking like a mess and not be prepared so you are not alone.

FH has not cleaned our new home since we moved in in August. He had a friend staying with us for about a month and didn't help me clean for HIS friend. I am tired of planning this stupid wedding all by myself, working until 4 or 5am, auditioning, and being expected to keep our home all neat and tidy like I am June Cleaver. I refuse!!! I AM ON STRIKE!!!!!


Oh, I feel better now!!!!

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Posted by Cindy

I wouldnt change my plans for the day. What if your hubby spends time with this friend while you are off doing what you need to do and what you planned? I am the same way though if someone is coming over. I cant leave it looking like a mess and not be prepared so you are not alone.

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Again, all I am doing is changing WHEN I do the laundry so that when he comes over there will not be piles all over the place, had I stuck with my original plan of doing it tomorrow.

Also, Maribelle, in this society the blame always falls on the woman. If a house is messy and a woman lives there with her man, it is automatically the woman's fault. At my pre marital counseling the Pastor's wife brought up this same issue,as I have heard this many times before.

I'm the same way...my house is under construction and some of his friends were coming by to see the work. I went crazy trying to clean up as much as possible and my husband thought I was nuts b/c the next day it would be a mess again.