Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

Ok so here is the deal. I have been planning the wedding for 12 months thus far. With 5 months to go, all of a sudden FH thinks he is David Tutera and wants to join in on the planning.

Last night he randomly wants to go over the excel sheet. Upon review, he NOW realizes this wedding is expensive. His sudden interest likely stems from his Best Man's impending small/ inexpensive wedding in Trinidad. Also his boss/mentor was married 10 years ago for less than $1,000 and has been putting it in his ear that weddings are a waste and we should be buying a home.

( exhale)


Once I calmed down, I agreed that we needed to proceed as frugally and practically as possible ( not that we werent before)

This may include cutting our guest list. So my question is, I have not yet sent my formal invites, but I have sent out STD's how if at all do I broach the subject of un-inviting guests? is this a major wedding no-no?Has anyone had to do this? I don't want to look tacky BUT at the same time, the people on the list are friends many of whom I have not seen in a year or more. With the economy the way it is, will I at least have that on my side making it easier for people to understand?


1 last question, how do I do it? letter, phone, email?

Thanks ladies.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

hmmm...

to be honest i think most people who get the std expect the invite...so if u have to cut them out i think u need to take the bullet and either do it face to face or over the phone..make it as personal as possible so they know u would want them there if u could..

is there anyway u could cut costs somewhere else?i mean if fh never looked at the sheet u woud have nvited them right?

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

Once the STDs go out you really should stick to your guest list or be prepared to lose friends in the process. But if you are going to cut you have to speak to them about it personally.

If I were you, I wouldn't!

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

I agree with Gina. Since they have save the dates they should be invited. If you really have to cut them you need to do so personally and explain the reason. Good luck

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

This is a tough one. I think you should try to look at othe areas to cut, like transportation or invites.

I would be a bit offended if someone sent me a save the date and then called to tell me I wasn't invited. Unless of course there were very extreme circumstances. Also I agree with Gina, If FH didn't see your sheet then you would most likely still invites these people, right?

I would look at the people you haven't given STD's too and go through every little dept of your wedding planning and see where you can cut corners. JMO but I think you would save yourself the headache of offending someone.

Good luck

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

I think it is very bad etiquette to send an STD and then not invite someone. I agree with previous posters about trying to cut your budget in other areas. What if you come across someone who got the STD and made plans around your wedding so they could attend?

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

I agree with everyone else. How many people are you over though? Are you accounting for the fact that some people with RSVP 'No'. If you haven't seen them for awhile then they may be more inclined not to come which may help lessen the burden without all the stress and drama of univiting guests.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

Thanks Ladies, actually making the cuts were my idea not FH's. I agree that is is rude to say 'hey by the way you cant come after all' I was just trying to figure out a way to trim things and this was a drastic idea... guess it is back to the drawing board.

The truth is, we have not splurged on this wedding at all.... we have the bare bone essentials for the most part.

I guess I'll have to look things over and try my best to figure out what to to do.

I am just annoyed @ this point. FH signed the contracts with me. knew the costs and now 5 months out he wants to come in like a dictator and question every move I've made.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

u want me to smack him around a little?

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by gina409

u want me to smack him around a little?

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he is a pretty big guy....we'd have to jump him lol

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by 9509Bride

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Posted by gina409

u want me to smack him around a little?

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he is a pretty big guy....we'd have to jump him lol

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tag team action?? what guy dosent want that

dont worry sometimes i want to attach a steel plate over my fh's mouth and laugh as he tries to get it off

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

It is my understanding that once you send a person a STD you are going to invite them to the wedding. I only sent STDs to people I KNEW we were inviting, like family and close friends.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by 9509Bride

Thanks Ladies, actually making the cuts were my idea not FH's. I agree that is is rude to say 'hey by the way you cant come after all' I was just trying to figure out a way to trim things and this was a drastic idea... guess it is back to the drawing board.

The truth is, we have not splurged on this wedding at all.... we have the bare bone essentials for the most part.

I guess I'll have to look things over and try my best to figure out what to to do.

I am just annoyed @ this point. FH signed the contracts with me. knew the costs and now 5 months out he wants to come in like a dictator and question every move I've made.

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What about changing your photo/video, Dj and flower packages to save costs. If you are doing floral CP's then maybe you should consider doing something else. A DIY project like a vase and a candle. There are some great wholesale websites that you can purchase these items for a lot less than what a floral CP would be.

I just think that if you cut people who you have already sent a STD to they will be offended and you will ruin that relationship.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

you really can't uninvite people once you sent out an std. maybe there are other ways to cut the cost. good luck

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by nraboni

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Posted by 9509Bride

Thanks Ladies, actually making the cuts were my idea not FH's. I agree that is is rude to say 'hey by the way you cant come after all' I was just trying to figure out a way to trim things and this was a drastic idea... guess it is back to the drawing board.

The truth is, we have not splurged on this wedding at all.... we have the bare bone essentials for the most part.

I guess I'll have to look things over and try my best to figure out what to to do.

I am just annoyed @ this point. FH signed the contracts with me. knew the costs and now 5 months out he wants to come in like a dictator and question every move I've made.

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What about changing your photo/video, Dj and flower packages to save costs. If you are doing floral CP's then maybe you should consider doing something else. A DIY project like a vase and a candle. There are some great wholesale websites that you can purchase these items for a lot less than what a floral CP would be. Also, if you have not ordered your invitations yet maybe get a DIY kit. They have really nice ones at Michaels and AC Moore.

I just think that if you cut people who you have already sent a STD to they will be offended and you will ruin that relationship.

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Thanks.

When I said we were doing the bare bone essentials I meant it lol

no limos ( we don't need them our hotel is right next door to the CB

I am already doing DIY non-floral CP's I found 2 great whole sale sites for flowers, floating candles and rose pedals, votives and mirrors. I got great deal on the BP through my florist flowers ( he threw in a bunch of perks, free toss bo-k free flower basket free MOB corsages)

My photog just agreed to drop his price and add an extra shooter the day of for free. ( our package was the basic)

no table cameras, possibly no favors.....

I mean in lieu of wearing jeans down the aisle I am saving as much as I can LOL

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by 9509Bride

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Posted by nraboni

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Posted by 9509Bride

Thanks Ladies, actually making the cuts were my idea not FH's. I agree that is is rude to say 'hey by the way you cant come after all' I was just trying to figure out a way to trim things and this was a drastic idea... guess it is back to the drawing board.

The truth is, we have not splurged on this wedding at all.... we have the bare bone essentials for the most part.

I guess I'll have to look things over and try my best to figure out what to to do.

I am just annoyed @ this point. FH signed the contracts with me. knew the costs and now 5 months out he wants to come in like a dictator and question every move I've made.

---

What about changing your photo/video, Dj and flower packages to save costs. If you are doing floral CP's then maybe you should consider doing something else. A DIY project like a vase and a candle. There are some great wholesale websites that you can purchase these items for a lot less than what a floral CP would be. Also, if you have not ordered your invitations yet maybe get a DIY kit. They have really nice ones at Michaels and AC Moore.

I just think that if you cut people who you have already sent a STD to they will be offended and you will ruin that relationship.

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Thanks.

When I said we were doing the bare bone essentials I meant it lol

no limos ( we don't need them our hotel is right next door to the CB

I am already doing DIY non-floral CP's I found 2 great whole sale sites for flowers, floating candles and rose pedals, votives and mirrors. I got great deal on the BP through my florist flowers ( he threw in a bunch of perks, free toss bo-k free flower basket free MOB corsages)

My photog just agreed to drop his price and add an extra shooter the day of for free. ( our package was the basic)

no table cameras, possibly no favors.....

I mean in lieu of wearing jeans down the aisle I am saving as much as I can LOL

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Wrapwithus.com has nice favors for $1.00 each and they have a store in syosset. So you can order online and pick up on the store and not pay any shipping fees. That may be an option instead of no favors. They also have cameras for the tables for $2.99 each.

I just thought of something else...lolol
What about not inviting people with guests unless they are married, engaged or living together. And instead of inviting an entire family (parents and kids) just invite the parents.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

I know this will only help 1/2 as much, and not really a great thing to do...but it might be better than uninviting people. When we both lost our jobs but decided to go forward, we made the decision to vut out guest list by inviting friends without guests. It's not ideal but they will understand that better than not being asked to come at all. Plus their family/friends will be there.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by stargazerlily

I know this will only help 1/2 as much, and not really a great thing to do...but it might be better than uninviting people. When we both lost our jobs but decided to go forward, we made the decision to vut out guest list by inviting friends without guests. It's not ideal but they will understand that better than not being asked to come at all. Plus their family/friends will be there.

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I agree, this could defintely save you alot of monoey depending upon how many friends plus 1's you were planning to invite.

Re: Tough Wedding Issues What to Do? ( long sorry)

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Posted by MLAngelo

Once the STDs go out you really should stick to your guest list or be prepared to lose friends in the process. But if you are going to cut you have to speak to them about it personally.

If I were you, I wouldn't!

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ITA.
Also all the etiquette books say to ONLY send STD's to those you are CERTAIN you are inviting. Unfortunately I think anyone who received an STD should be invited otherwise it is considered a wedding no-no. If you ABSOLUTELY have to do that then you should either call or do it face to face. Eekkk.. I'm sorry you have this problem.