Troubles with FMIL/FSIL (VERY long)
I am a frequent LIW user but I am under an assumed name in fear of snoopers.
I need your advice. Here is the story:
In the beginning of October I sent an e-mail to my BP informing them of the dress I chose and the cost of the dress, hair, and makeup. The reason why I did this is to keep everyone informed and because most of my girls are going through different things in their lives right now and they don’t have that much money. I figured everyone could budget ahead, since the wedding is about a year away.
So I sent this e-mail and my FSIL says to my FH that I sounded like a 'bi*ch' in the e-mail and I am 'ridiculous' for send an e-mail so far in advance. So, fast forward to me having dinner over FIL's house with FH and FMIL. FH tells his mother that he would like her to talk to his sister because she is complaining about everything related to the wedding.
The start of this conversation leads to WWIII. In my e-mail I told my girls that I am not going to insist that they get their makeup done because I know how expensive everything adds up to be. FMIL ACCUSES me of saying 'I MUST INSIST that you get your makeup done'...which I did NOT say. (FSIL forwarded the e-mail to FMIL and FFIL)
The long of the short is that FMIL told FH and I that we are going to end up living all by ourselves somewhere because we are 'pushing the family away'. She ends up leaving the house, I print the e-mail and give it to FH, and I leave. He later shows it to FMIL and says that she is wrong. FMIL then accuses me of changing the e-mail before I printed it because that is not what she is saying the original e-mail says. She goes on to say that MY MOTHER and I are too controlling and we have not allowed FH to be involved in the wedding planning. WHICH IS TOTALLY BS!!! My mother doesn’t know any more than FMIL does BUT my mom is helping us pay..so I do inform her of what is going on. BUT she doesn’t really have any say in what’s going on.
So basically FMIL accused me of hurting FSIL's feelings, breaking up the family, and being too controlling. She says that I have 'changed' and she is mad about things that she has no business being mad about. For example- she is made that ordered my dress about a year and a half before the wedding. WHAT DOES SHE CARE!!??
So my problem is that I KNOW that I'm not getting an apology from FMIL. I haven’t been to FMIL's house in almost a month. NOW, FH is getting mad that I am going over to his house and he has to come to mine all the time (We live with our parents until the wedding). FH understands that I am mad but he wants to “be the bigger person”
I need your advice. How would you handle the situation? Would you go over there? Would you want to talk to FMIL about the things she said??
PS--FMIL has now acted as if nothing happened
ETA: MY mom is helping us pay, NOT FMIL
*************************************************************
So I went to FH's house this evening because he asked me to. I said hello and FMIL responsed with a 'hello'. That was all she said....the whole time I was there.
So I asked FH if FMIL knows that I am upset. he said yes, he told her earlier this week. Apparently she is mad that I am upset now. Also, FH and I went to our hall a few days ago and FMIL thought she was coming. FH told me that now she is mad that she wasnt asked to come with us. FH told her 'well, you said you dont want to be a part of the planning, so why would I ask you to come with us??' FMIL has been there with us 2 times already. We wanted to go alone. It was the first time we went back alone since we looked at the place.
Errrggg....she frustrates me because it seems like I can't do anything right in her eyes. She insulted me and hurt my feelings and now SHE is mad at ME....shouldnt it be the other way around???![]()
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I need your advice. Here is the story:
In the beginning of October I sent an e-mail to my BP informing them of the dress I chose and the cost of the dress, hair, and makeup. The reason why I did this is to keep everyone informed and because most of my girls are going through different things in their lives right now and they don’t have that much money. I figured everyone could budget ahead, since the wedding is about a year away.
So I sent this e-mail and my FSIL says to my FH that I sounded like a 'bi*ch' in the e-mail and I am 'ridiculous' for send an e-mail so far in advance. So, fast forward to me having dinner over FIL's house with FH and FMIL. FH tells his mother that he would like her to talk to his sister because she is complaining about everything related to the wedding.
The start of this conversation leads to WWIII. In my e-mail I told my girls that I am not going to insist that they get their makeup done because I know how expensive everything adds up to be. FMIL ACCUSES me of saying 'I MUST INSIST that you get your makeup done'...which I did NOT say. (FSIL forwarded the e-mail to FMIL and FFIL)
The long of the short is that FMIL told FH and I that we are going to end up living all by ourselves somewhere because we are 'pushing the family away'. She ends up leaving the house, I print the e-mail and give it to FH, and I leave. He later shows it to FMIL and says that she is wrong. FMIL then accuses me of changing the e-mail before I printed it because that is not what she is saying the original e-mail says. She goes on to say that MY MOTHER and I are too controlling and we have not allowed FH to be involved in the wedding planning. WHICH IS TOTALLY BS!!! My mother doesn’t know any more than FMIL does BUT my mom is helping us pay..so I do inform her of what is going on. BUT she doesn’t really have any say in what’s going on.
So basically FMIL accused me of hurting FSIL's feelings, breaking up the family, and being too controlling. She says that I have 'changed' and she is mad about things that she has no business being mad about. For example- she is made that ordered my dress about a year and a half before the wedding. WHAT DOES SHE CARE!!??
So my problem is that I KNOW that I'm not getting an apology from FMIL. I haven’t been to FMIL's house in almost a month. NOW, FH is getting mad that I am going over to his house and he has to come to mine all the time (We live with our parents until the wedding). FH understands that I am mad but he wants to “be the bigger person”
I need your advice. How would you handle the situation? Would you go over there? Would you want to talk to FMIL about the things she said??
PS--FMIL has now acted as if nothing happened
ETA: MY mom is helping us pay, NOT FMIL
*************************************************************
So I went to FH's house this evening because he asked me to. I said hello and FMIL responsed with a 'hello'. That was all she said....the whole time I was there.
So I asked FH if FMIL knows that I am upset. he said yes, he told her earlier this week. Apparently she is mad that I am upset now. Also, FH and I went to our hall a few days ago and FMIL thought she was coming. FH told me that now she is mad that she wasnt asked to come with us. FH told her 'well, you said you dont want to be a part of the planning, so why would I ask you to come with us??' FMIL has been there with us 2 times already. We wanted to go alone. It was the first time we went back alone since we looked at the place.
Errrggg....she frustrates me because it seems like I can't do anything right in her eyes. She insulted me and hurt my feelings and now SHE is mad at ME....shouldnt it be the other way around???
