True Friends Poll made me think....question:

How many of you out there lost a friend or had a friendship become strained when you got engaged / married?

I lost a friend after the wedding.
It turned out that she had been really resentful towards me since the day I got engaged.
Didn't find any of this out until afterwards. I noticed that things were 'strained' but mostly she hid it pretty well which in hindsight I'm glad she did, because I don't think I would have been able to deal with ending a friendship in the midst of planning my wedding.

(just a lot of talking behind my back which is why we're no longer friends)

I wouldnt say strained, but this much I noticed. I have a feeling because we are older people cant be bothered.

Everyone is either married with kids or single.

the only people I can say are truly happy are my family and maid of honor.

But thats ok, sometimes in life you hold people on pedastals and I learned a little to late that no one is more important than yourself.

Sorry Im on a roll today

Thank God none, yet

I did!!!! We lived together for a few years (about 5 years ago)with 2 other girls and once I got engaged (June 1 last year) I haven't heard from her. She still talks to both of ther other girls (one of them is my cousin and one was my roommate until a month ago ) It's sad but I know her life is so unhappy she doesn't want to see me really happy.....not a true friend

edited to say...I still invited her to the wedding

I say weddings/enagements show can really show you who your friends are. You see people become jealous, insecure, competitive and showy and for what I see no good reason.

I think my wedding/enagement made a huge strain on a family member and my relationship. It may have been a long time coming though and I think the engagement brought this person's insecurity and jealousy to full force and honestly I do not like to be around jealous/competitive/untrue people.

I also was in a bridal party once and was very hurt by the bride who was a very good friend. It is hard to explain in writing but she really distanced her close friendsand I felt in particular myself. We are still pretty good friends but some of her actions at that time made me realize she may not be the one you can always count on and we may be drifting away.

For the most part, my engagement and wedding made me realize what great friends and family I have. So many people were so happy for me and so loving and that's a great feeling.

Like FebruaryBride, I have a friend, a BM actually who is just not happy for me in the least. She couldnt be bothered with going for dresses etc.. She was miserable at my engagement party and incredibly miserable at my shower to the point that one of my other BM's (her best friend in fact) told her to leave. She was on the phone the whole time. This girl had 2 serious boyfriends (each relationship lasted more than 5 years) and she thought she was going to get engaged before any of her friends, it didnt work out the way she planned. Both guys are now engaged to girls they were with for less than a year or two.

I dont let her bother me, this girl is not going to ruin my happiness. I'm only keeping her in the BP because I known her for so long.

Well said , everyone! .....I had a similiar problem....with my best friend. We are no longer even friends anymore...I think she is resentful or something...it's a long story. But to make it short, she dodged me for a long time after I got engaged and I recently just moved on after numerous attempts at calling, e-mailing, trying to find out what was wrong , etc. She didn't even have the time of day for me. And kept telling me 'nothing is wrong'. Well sorry, then I don't have time to keep up with your immaturity. She is not invited to my shower or wedding.

But it's true, you do finf out who your real friends are!

I did. Had a tremendous falling out with a guy friend I had all through college and after...but it wasn't just as a result of my engagement. Had a lot to do with the fact that he went completely ape**** and psycho!

I was on the reverse - I lost a good friend right after her wedding. she point blank told me one day afterwards that it was 'easier' for her to be with other married couples, or couples with children.

She also was upset with the gift I gave them I guess it wasn't enough for her (I was super broke at the time and did not have allott of time to save for a substansial gift, a BM dress, a shower gift, bach party ect, ect....)
She did not want to attend her bach party that I planned and paid for entirely .... she called up 5 min before trying to get out of it.

She would call me up all phony and Martha Stewart like ..... it was like she wanted me to think that she was an entirely diffrent person ???? Or like she wanted me to be jealous it was really a little distrubing and so freakin phony.

I used to feel bad/guilty about this but .... I guess it was better in the long run. I coulndn't deal with the phonyness, she probably though I was jealous of her 'new life' that wasn't the case, I wanted my friend back with out Martha in tow. I loved her husband and family and wanted only the best for her and them.
I guess after a situation like this I learned to be true to myself and be a good and understanding friend during this time - I love my friends I will work extra hard to make sure I dont hurt them they way I was hurt.

I didn't lose any friends during my engagment/wedding but I am 32 so most of my friendships are very strong and have been around for many years. I have made new friends because of my wedding- Stef and Cindy.

My response to friendship questions is pretty much the same as boyfriend/relationship questions. Is this relationship worth saving? And do both people want it saved? There are times in our lives when certain people are meant to stay with us, and others are meant to travel a new path without us. It hurts a lot to say goodbye to a friendship, but I have found that there is usually a very good reason for both people and it is for the best.

My best friend and I met when we were in 4th grade. And while our lives have not been in the 'same' place since we were 17 (she got married very young, I went to college) we always stayed very close friends. It takes effort to be involved in each other's day to day lives and not just care about what is happening to you. But it can be done, if both people make a real effort.

I lost a good friend during hers and tried to repair it when I get engaged. Actually it was a very stupid reason to have a problem.

She emails me while I'm studying in China and tells me that she is having her engagement party a week after I got home. She begged me to come and told me I can stay at her house and she will pick me up from the airport so I agreed - she did not invite FH - not engaged at the time but she met him 5 years before when we first started dating so he was not a stranger- I had to be somewhere the evening after her party so I planned on taking a shuttle (my car wasn't running well so I couldn't drive). Now she lives 1 1/2 hours from the airport and promised me if I came that she would pick me up. Well the only flight I could get a ticket on came in at say 5 pm the night before her party - well her FH decided while she was on the phone withe me that he would not allow her to come and get me and I can take a bus to the local mall and call her and she will pick me up = she tells him that will take her like 3 hours = he said he didn't care - then she didn't want to bring me to the airport the morning after the party so I would have to take a taxi to the mall to catch the bus = but most likely I wouldn't make it because the bus only started running 2 hours before my flight. She looked into taxis for me and told me it would cost about 150$ round trip for the car service -so after spending 250$ for airfare and then another 150$ for car service I just couldn't afford it - but she assured me that was fine since I was coming to the wedding. Well her FH pulled a disk in his back and all of her friends cancelled on her for the party so she blamed me. Needless to say I spent the airfare on a nice present off her registry and sent that to her instead - NO thank you card

Well I still went out and rented a car for FH and I to drive the 5 hours to her party we had already booked and paid for the hotel room.

Well as it turns out that at 9 am the day after her wedding (remember 5 hours away starting at 8pm on a Sunday night) I had an evidence mid term and a paper due for another class. I spoke to the dean about getting it rescheduled - to say the friday before the wedding - but the dean refused. There was no possible way for me to get there stay and still get home to take my final (she told me not to come if I only planned on coming to her ceremony ONLY)

Needless to say I felt bad that I missed my close friends wedding and tried to mend fences I even sent her an email when we got engaged and I never heard back from her and I think she just deleted my email.

I think what I got out of this story is that if someone can't come to your wedding or other event it is not necessarily that they don't care about you - sometimes things are out of their control. Don't be so quick to judge unless you have all the facts

Another quicky:
FH's GM and best friend since he was 8 almost didn't come to our engagement party b/c he decided not to take a vacation day - but found himself in a position where he couldn't call in sick. He wasn't even going to tell us he wasn't coming - he just wasn't going to show - Needless to say FH was upset that he didn't get get a card from this guy or his wife - after giving them extremely generous gifts for their engagement, wedding, and both births of their children AND for their baptisms.
He said well - I think when you plan a wedding you find out quickly who your real friends are - people I didn't think I was that close to have in some ways been more supportive than some of my closest friends

How rude of your and FH friends!
Your FH is right (your last sentence)!