Two Showers?? Kinda long...

Here's my situation. My FI family lives all over upstate NY, and my family is on LI. The other night my future MIL asked if she could throw an upstate shower for me along with my 'real' one. Being put on the spot, I said yes, but now I am not so sure. My FMIL will still come to my LI shower (I think), but no one else from his family will. I am pretty upset that the my FSIL and a few other family members won't take the 3 hour drive down. I can understand the ones that live further away, but a few hours in the car won't kill you, and my family would like to meet some of his. Am I being unreasonable? I really want to tell her that I would feel awkward at a shower where I don't know anyone (I haven't met anyone from his family yet)and if they can't make it to LI, they can send a gift if they want. My FI is a little annoyed at the lack of effort of his family as well. I know they mean well, but I'm a little insulted by all of this. Not to mention my sister has already put a lot of effort into my shower and I hate that his family won't be there. Thanks for listening ladies!!

Two Showers?? Kinda long...

This is a hard situation, because you were put on the spot and trying to do the right thing. I think you should give her a call and just say - 'ya know I thought about it, and I was kind of looking forward to everybody getting together at one location so we could all get to know each other. I totally understand if people can't make it down, but I am sure many of them would love to meet my family. It would be so much more special to me if all the girls were there together'. Now - I don't know your FMIL - this might go over like a lead balloon - but it's just some advice. Good luck - and you're not being difficult here. This is a tough spot to be in!

Two Showers?? Kinda long...

I don't think I would be insulted by the offer at all. I would be touched that she cared for me enough to want to throw me a shower, at her own expense. The fact that she asked you says that she wants to respect your feelings. She probably has some friends and distant family that will never make the trip here, not to mention older folks cannot always drive this far. I would tell her that you hope that she will still come to LI for your shower because it means a lot to you. My fiance's family is all out-of-town and truthfully I only expect his mother and two sisters to come to my shower. I highly doubt that any of his other family will be able to attend. Not only is it a far drive, but many would have to stay overnight. That adds the cost of a hotel room to the trip. In my opinion, it is more important that they attend the wedding.

Two Showers?? Kinda long...

No - she should not have put you in that position. And I would feel uncomfortable being at a shower accepting gifts from people I never met (albeit they are for the hubby too, but still) It so beneficial that both families co-mingle and get to know each other even if they will never really see each that often. After you guys ARE joining two families together and that technically begins to happens before the official day. If the upstaters can't make it, then they can always send a something if they choose too as you said. I'd have a sit-down with her I'm she'll understand your hasty acceptance was partly because you wanted to please her.

I agree with Michele...

It is wonderful that she wants to go through the expense of hosting a shower for you. I would be touched. I understand you wanting to mingle the families, and I would definitely ask her to attend your local shower. I don't think I would tell her that people could just mail gifts if they couldn't attend. That is just me, though. Good luck. It is a tough decision.

I'm in the same situation...

except I'm upstate, and his family is on LI.We compromised to meet half way so it would be fair for all, my shower will be in Westchester.My mom wanted to do the two showers, and I said no. I want everyone to all come together for the day. Maybe this would work for you too. Good luck and let me know if I can help! Continued success to all...

I`m in the same situation...

Thanks everyone! My FI and I are talking it over to see what to do. Thanks for your input! ps. Heather where in upstate are you? I'm a newly transplanted upstater in Albany

I`m in the same situation...

I am in the same situation too. FI's family is from NJ and mine is from LI. His sister wants to throw one in NJ and my mom wants one here. I don't want two. Then there will be like 10 people at each. My mom only wants one also, b/c we feel that is how the families get to know one another.