Ugh... make me laugh please!!

I just had it out with my boss!! You know one of those knock down drag out pissing contest contest and I swear my blood pressure is soaring right now. So I need a good laugh to calm me down please!!!!

ok...how do you know when a mechanic's had S**????


He's got one clean finger.

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Posted by LADYL

ok...how do you know when a mechanic's had S**????


He's got one clean finger.

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Eeewwwwww!!!!!!!

Two Potatoes walking down the street..which one is the prostitute??



The one wearing the sign, IDAHO!
(I da HO)



I love that joke!

A guy walks into a bar...




OUCH!

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Posted by KimberlyBride

A guy walks into a bar...




OUCH!

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Posted by KimberlyBride

A guy walks into a bar...




OUCH!

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Uhm...I'm slow. It took me like 10 mins. to figure it out.

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Posted by LADYL

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Posted by KimberlyBride

A guy walks into a bar...




OUCH!

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Uhm...I'm slow. It took me like 10 mins. to figure it out.

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me 2! lol

I got one:

Little Johnny and his parents go to visit a family friend's new born who was born with no ears. Before they arrive, the parents warned Johnny about it, and tell him not to say anything about the ears.
They get there and start admiring the baby. 'Oh he got nice feet, beautiful eyes, his father's nose and hands.'
Out of no where little Johnny asked, 'does he got good eye sight?'
'Why?', the parents ask and little Johnny answers, 'cause if he had to wear glasses he'd be f'd.'

I don't know which is funnier 'I-DA-HO' or the fact that it took a couple of you so long to get the 'ouch' joke!

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Posted by chichila15

I got one:

Little Johnny and his parents go to visit a family friend's new born who was born with no ears. Before they arrive, the parents warned Johnny about it, and tell him not to say anything about the ears.
They get there and start admiring the baby. 'Oh he got nice feet, beautiful eyes, his father's nose and hands.'
Out of no where little Johnny asked, 'does he got good eye sight?'
'Why?', the parents ask and little Johnny answers, 'cause if he had to wear glasses he'd be f'd.'

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Ok I use this one all the time. I laugh every time I hear it:

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures that he will crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he tries again to stand up and falls flat on his face. So the Irishman crawls home. At the door he again tries to stand up, only to fall flat on his face. So he then crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting. 'So you've been out drinking again!'

'How did you know?' he asks.

'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.'

My second favorite Irish joke:



A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

'Why, of course,' comes the reply.

The first man then asks,'Where are you from?'

'I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man.

The first man responds: 'You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.'

'Of course,' says the second.

Curious the first asks: 'Where in Ireland?'

'Dublin,' comes the reply.

'I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin.'

'Of course'

The second man can't help himself so he asks, 'What school did you go to?'

'Saint Mary's', replies the first man. 'I graduated in '62'

'This is becoming unbelievable!' they say in union.

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. 'What's up?' he asks the bartender.

'Nothing much,' replied the bartender. 'The O'Malley twins are drunk again.'

what does snoop dog wash his clothes with?


BLEE-ATTCH!!

what did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room?

Odor in the court!

kekekekeke!

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, 'What does a driver's license look like?'
Irritated, the blonde cop said, 'You dummy, it's got your picture on it!'
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, 'Aha! This must be my driver's license' and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, 'oh, i didnt know you were a cop?

A blonde is putting money into the Coke machine and getting can after can of Coke. The dude behind her is getting impatient and finally taps her on the shoulder, saying 'Um, excuse me miss, will you be much longer?' and she replies,
'Shhhh, I'm winning!!!'

A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.''
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.

As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?''

The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''

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Posted by JimmysBride

I just had it out with my boss!! You know one of those knock down drag out pissing contest contest and I swear my blood pressure is soaring right now. So I need a good laugh to calm me down please!!!!

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I told my boss that with the baby on the way I REFUSE to get excited ... .so just walk away next time, you have to take care of yourselves!!!

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Posted by Karacg

A blonde is putting money into the Coke machine and getting can after can of Coke. The dude behind her is getting impatient and finally taps her on the shoulder, saying 'Um, excuse me miss, will you be much longer?' and she replies,
'Shhhh, I'm winning!!!'

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