Ultimatums

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by gabbie83

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Posted by debismom

I appreciate this post, because Deb's Sis, has been with her boyfriend three yrs., and no proposal. And most recently, he's been dragging his feet about going to weddings, including my niece, HIS BROTHER, and most recently, Debi's wedding. Donna finally asked him, 'what's the deal, you weren't interested in any of these weddings, do you have something against weddings?' He claims he doesn't. Donna then told him, ' Sometimes you just have to go to these things, because you love the person, ie., her!!' To be sure, when I heard this, it doesn't exactly make me thrilled that he could be a FSIL!!!! I believe he definitely should not marry, unless he's ready, but I think he should be a big boy, and love Donna enough, to attend these special family events. He did agree to go to Debi's wedding, and he was in his Brother's wedding. But it doesn't exactly say, 'I love Donna,' when he acts this way. Mary MOB

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Oh Mary, that s*cks! I hope everything works out, some boys just need to grow up & grow a set of you know what (as my mom always says) and make a manly decision!
I was with my x for 4 years and finally i was like CIAO i cant take this crap and empty promises anymore & boy am I glad I did!
Sometimes you just know when enough is enough.

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Indeed!!!! I'm not sure when he moved in, but the purpose of moving in was to save $ for a house, ie., pool their resources. Then, his parents, and Donna and her boyfriend, thought they should not buy a house together until they married. Meanwhile, Donna is getting tired of waiting for her house, nor does she want a shotgun proposal, and it seems he just has his feet dug in to never propose; He's just comfy with how things are. His aversion to weddings, doesn't speak well for his proposal intentions!!! Mary MOB

PS His Mom interrogated ( not sure of choice of words there) him about his intentions to marry Donna. She told him she really wants to be a Grandmother to our Grandson, but feels she cannot rightfully do this until they're married. I forget his reply, but it must not have been memorable, or I would have remembered it!

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Well I honestly hope that it all works out. What's meant to be will be , I truly believe that.
Mom's always see what their children go through and no matter what they know that whatever they say won't change their daughter's point of view - right? I know that's how my mom was with my x - she could tell me all day and all night but she knew that deep down inside i'd have to mature and realize that this guy wasn't right for me and was just wasting my time!
Some guys really su*ck sometimes!

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Posted by gabbie83

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by gabbie83

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Posted by debismom

I appreciate this post, because Deb's Sis, has been with her boyfriend three yrs., and no proposal. And most recently, he's been dragging his feet about going to weddings, including my niece, HIS BROTHER, and most recently, Debi's wedding. Donna finally asked him, 'what's the deal, you weren't interested in any of these weddings, do you have something against weddings?' He claims he doesn't. Donna then told him, ' Sometimes you just have to go to these things, because you love the person, ie., her!!' To be sure, when I heard this, it doesn't exactly make me thrilled that he could be a FSIL!!!! I believe he definitely should not marry, unless he's ready, but I think he should be a big boy, and love Donna enough, to attend these special family events. He did agree to go to Debi's wedding, and he was in his Brother's wedding. But it doesn't exactly say, 'I love Donna,' when he acts this way. Mary MOB

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Oh Mary, that s*cks! I hope everything works out, some boys just need to grow up & grow a set of you know what (as my mom always says) and make a manly decision!
I was with my x for 4 years and finally i was like CIAO i cant take this crap and empty promises anymore & boy am I glad I did!
Sometimes you just know when enough is enough.

---

Indeed!!!! I'm not sure when he moved in, but the purpose of moving in was to save $ for a house, ie., pool their resources. Then, his parents, and Donna and her boyfriend, thought they should not buy a house together until they married. Meanwhile, Donna is getting tired of waiting for her house, nor does she want a shotgun proposal, and it seems he just has his feet dug in to never propose; He's just comfy with how things are. His aversion to weddings, doesn't speak well for his proposal intentions!!! Mary MOB

PS His Mom interrogated ( not sure of choice of words there) him about his intentions to marry Donna. She told him she really wants to be a Grandmother to our Grandson, but feels she cannot rightfully do this until they're married. I forget his reply, but it must not have been memorable, or I would have remembered it!

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Well I honestly hope that it all works out. What's meant to be will be , I truly believe that.
Mom's always see what their children go through and no matter what they know that whatever they say won't change their daughter's point of view - right? I know that's how my mom was with my x - she could tell me all day and all night but she knew that deep down inside i'd have to mature and realize that this guy wasn't right for me and was just wasting my time!
Some guys really su*ck sometimes!

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Absolutely, Gabbie!! I don't offer too many opinions. I figure when Donna has had enough she'll do something. Thanks!!!! Mary MOB

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Posted by Soon2beAlberti

yeah I felt it was true love and he did say several times he wanted to marry me...but I just felt like...'ok if I love you and you love me and we don't want anyone else...why am i waiting 7 years?'...I was just about to give up and move on right before he proposed. I thought he was afraid of commitment and my feeling was...if you are gonna let your fear of commitment override your love for me...then i don't need you in my life' he had already ordered the ring by the time I really started to feel like i couldn't wait around forever. I was like 'dude, if you don't feel that you want to spend the rest of your life with me...let me know now so we don't waste anymore time...I don't want to spend another day thinking you're the one for me if it's all just some fantasy

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i know!!!!! seriously!
Well im glad it all worked out for you

I have a problem with ultimatums when they are done out of desparation, however when you have been with someone a good many years and they haven't made any strides towards cementing the relationship then I feel 'the talk' needs to happen. People may feel i'm wrong but..whatever...

That said, I gave FH what kind of added up to an ultimatum about 2 years ago. It was not initially meant to be one. I told him that if he was not intending to make me his wife after 6 years then we were wasting one anothers time. Really what I said is that he needed to stop 'getting the milk for free'. I got tired of waiting and left..yes left. Moved out of our apartment in Va and moved back to NY in Jan of 2006.

Suffice it to say that less than a year later he moved closer to me and worked on our relationship. We were engaged by the end of the year. In his proposal he said he was 'tired of getting the milk for free. I'm ready to buy the cow' hahahaha

Sometimes people (i won't only say men) get complacent because things work the way they are just dating and need to get a wakeup call. Ultimatums are weak if given without follow through and then they lose their power.

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Posted by empressdani

I have a problem with ultimatums when they are done out of desparation, however when you have been with someone a good many years and they haven't made any strides towards cementing the relationship then I feel 'the talk' needs to happen. People may feel i'm wrong but..whatever...

That said, I gave FH what kind of added up to an ultimatum about 2 years ago. It was not initially meant to be one. I told him that if he was not intending to make me his wife after 6 years then we were wasting one anothers time. Really what I said is that he needed to stop 'getting the milk for free'. I got tired of waiting and left..yes left. Moved out of our apartment in Va and moved back to NY in Jan of 2006.

Suffice it to say that less than a year later he moved closer to me and worked on our relationship. We were engaged by the end of the year. In his proposal he said he was 'tired of getting the milk for free. I'm ready to buy the cow' hahahaha

Sometimes people (i won't only say men) get complacent because things work the way they are just dating and need to get a wakeup call. Ultimatums are weak if given without follow through and then they lose their power.

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def agree

I didn't have an ultimatum, per se.

FH and I had known each other for about eight years when we first started dating. On our first date, we were talking kids and we just KNEW that this was it. We were long distance because I was in grad school in Wisconsin and he was in med school in New York. We agreed to move in together after I graduated and eventually agreed on NC.

I had said that if I was moving in with him and if everything worked out that I wanted to be engaged by the end of the year. I had known girls who had moved cross country to be with their significant other and who wanted to be married but waited FOREVER for him to pop the question.

I set out these terms because I never wanted to live with someone I wasn't going to marry....and I was taking a HUGE leap of faith by moving across the country to be with him, when the two years we had been together were long distance.

FH completely agreed and said he just needed some time of living in the same city and together to feel secure with asking me to marry him. So, I guess it wasn't technically an ultimatum, more of an insurance policy.

09'er crashing...

Well, I told FH after our 4 year anniversary that by our 5th year I was expecting to be engaged. I guess that is as close as an ultimatum you can get with me.

I think age and fear is a factor here. FH and I started dating when he was 19 and I was 17...after 3 years with him we were only 20 and 22....so I was happy waiting 5 years for a proposal and 7 years total this march before we marry in may.

some people might not just be ready. and making the commitment is a scary thing for guys. Fh admitted to me that he was scared, because a lot does change. It could be a factor and an ultimatum might push a proposal further away.