umm can someone..

who is interested in helping me vent about the missing person at my welcoming ceremony pls fm mail me.
im 2 upset about this to just post it here...
i will ck in later from work...

or maybe im just being dumb and should post it here???

If you feel comfortable post it. You'll get more support that way.
Otherwise, feel free to FM me, but I won't be home to check it till this evening. I wish I weren't firewalled at work!!!

Post away! This was your good friend, I remember. You can always FM me

this may be a bit long. Honestly I wish I could sit in a circle with all you guys around me...patting me on the back and telling me that things will be ok. That may sound immature...but that is what I need from other caring women!

I had reached my breaking point regarding waiting out my friend. (this is my best friend who did not show up to J's welcoming ceremony- never left a msg/called to say they werent coming, never retruned any of my inquiring calls or emails). I called our mutual friend who lives in Colorado. I asked her if anything was happening at my friends home, if everyone was ok there. of course she now got worried and asked me why. I told her what happened in detail including all my attempts to reach them..all to no avail.
This friend said she knew that there were some problems w/ sinuses but nothing major that could not be spoken of ...to me. she also suggested that it is the hubby that is doing this..that he is sptieful and has done this to many friends and instigated problems...and deletes all messages on purpose.
She would call and mention about me and how worried i am and would call me back.

WEll, yesterday, i get a call' yeah- you called Christina to ask about me and yeaH I am ****ed'

I didnt even know who it was...and had to ask.
it was my best friend.
she says she is ****ed cuz i didnt make it to her sons bday party that sat before Js welcoming party. how dare I not come, many peopel asked about me, iwasnt there, I didnt call and say i wasnt coming.
I said I told you I would try my best...but I had a lot of out of town guests..some staying with me..I didnt know who was staying where..but I would try to come.
She said- you didnt say you werent coming. u should have jsut said that. my hubby is really ****ed and said we werent going.

I said-maybe thats right. I was being TOO good and trying to do a lot of things for everyone all at the same time...the days leading up to our BIG Party and I THOUGHT honestly I could make it. but I had said about how many last min things had to be done...so u should take that info into consideration when u saw i asnt there.
i asked- why didnt you just call me and ask me THAT day why wasnt I there.
' I was too mad'
oh- so what about the messgae I left u on Sunday- the same day as the welcoming? did TOdd erase that? SHe says 'prob.'
so girls- THAT is ok...cuz he was MAD. (shaking head)
did he erase all the emails I sent you ..'oh I hardly go on at home so maybe he did. he is like that'..
did he erase the ones I sent to you at work
....'I didnt get them' well I sent them

THEN she gets mad because I MAILED HER SON HIS BDAY PRESENT!!! 'Why did u do that? that was so mean! even if it was a month later u should hand it to him!'

I told her I didnt mean anything mean by that- I figured a child should recieve their gift as close to their bday as possible, that is why I mailed it. A I only had to mail it because I had then planned to give it to him on sunday. did u know that I had arranged with the restaurant to bring in a BIG dessert and all of our guests sing happy bday to him? NO because YOU didnt COME

I told her I am sorry if i idn think i had to call u on sat when i was unable to come..but you chose not to attend our party and there is a BIG diff betw a 3yroldbday party in a home and a welcomiong ceremony held in a church infront of a congregation followed by a reception.
She says no there isnt.

THEN- (IM steamed now) she tells me'' Phyl u ***** about your family not going to your things..and YOU go and do the same thing to me.' says this numerous times.
I was truly honestly floored. I could not speak
I shoul dhave told her I know- my fam never came to help me pack up my childhood home even tho they knew it was painful for me to go thru my parents things...and that I had a broken collarbone and was in a nexk brace..and they didnt come...nor come to my apt to congratulate me, or see me when I was engaged, or come to my bridal shower, my weddiong, my open house, my baby shower OR juliannes welcoming party...a total of almost FIFTEEN YEARS of not showing up..and ALL Of that is the SAME as me being truly unable to attend your sons bday party!!

anyway- the convo finally progresses with me saying wll i am sorry if I should have called on sat...and it just sort of ended with her thinking all is resolved.

but it is not. I am still very upset, very disappointed and wronged...and I feel dumb that this is still bothering me becuase NOW I feel that the person that I thought I could count on no matter what just doesnt give a S*&^ ..and rather jump to conclusions about my behaviour than take the time to ask/see why it happened.

for all she knew...Julianne or I or ROb could have been deathly sick on sat...or in the hospital, (knock wood 3 times) but SHE didnt CARE enough to call and se what happened because PHYL wouldnt do this out of meaness.

(throwing up arms in the air) I guess I am just a SCHMUCK cuz I give a SH*^%% about my friends and I truly care about them.

I just cant work past this right now. WE went to a bar mitvah last night- our first 'date' in a LONG TIME and I sat at the table and cried to myself about this. had to sneak out and go to the ladies to com-pose myself. (my table mates thought I was upset about leaving the baby home)

SIGH. I cant stand this

I wish I was in your circle right now too Your friends husband is totally a control freak, and I am SURE there is more going on in that house than you know about. Scott would NEVER think to delete my personal message and/or e-mails. That is just another form of control and emotional manipulation IMO.
Phyl- you need to take a step back from this women for a while. She had NO right to compare your family and your actions- it is just not fair to you. Also, not to call for so long is insane. I can understand that she wanted you to attend her son's b-day party and yes, maybe you should have just called her that day and told her you had 6 people in your house, everyone is needing you BUT that does not excuse her actions at ALL. Also, kids love to get mail and a b-day gift mailed is fun and exciting!
You and your friend might need a bit of time along without her husband to tell her what to say or think.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this! I know how hard it is to be upset to a good friend.

phyl. I'm so sorry that you're going through this with your BF. I think it was wrong of her to use your family's behavior against you. That was pretty low, IMO. I can understand wanting to be everywhere & do everything for your guests & be at your friend's party. But she should have understood that it would've been diff. for you to come in the first place. And if she was dissapointed that you didn't, she should have called you to say so, not ignore you & your important day.

I also agree w/Michele, her husband sounds like a control freak ... I'd never tolerate someone going through my messages & emails and deciding what needed or was allowed to be heard! She's got a lot on her plate with this guy.

I think its so hard when we are dissapointed by our closest friends. You didn't deserve to be treated like this & I don't think you're stupid for feeling upset about it.

I hope things work out for you. Sending you lots of hugs ....

I am so sorry you are going through all this.
Your friends husband seems like he is a real jerk.
It seems that he likes to control everything.
I can't believe he erases all HER messages.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you mailing the gift. I think her husband is rubbing off on her.I hope you and your friend can talk things out. It seems like she has tons of problems of her own because of her husband. The sad part is she probably doesn't even know it.

I'm sorry this has happened. I agree with the others, that her husband probably has a major part in why she is acting this way and his influence on her is very powerful. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about that, and you may need to detach from her and your relationship for a while. I know how much this is bothering you and since you apologized, I really hope she comes around and apologizes back and this is cleared up.

I feel she thinks that this is over and resolved and that she won.
and maybe that is the wrong word to use...because I feel that I am not being heard at all.
So, I have this trait that an ex was completely baffled at and always patted me on the back for....he told me that I am just like A GUY...that I dont manipulate and bend people to my thinking or beat around the bush....and so, I am going to stay from her for a while...and THEN talk to her and see what our friendship truly means to her.
and I will tell her that I am still hurting from this, that I need to work this out and have her listen to me.
Hoepfully we can do that...and it might even work better without her hubby around.

I DID tell her yesteray that if he is so mad at me, then he TOO should get together with me and TALK to me about it.,,that he needs to work this out with me and not get between her and I

ARRRGGGHHHHH
i hope I am not further disappointed by this

I really can't give you any better advice than the ladies here already have but i offer

Phyl, this must be so painful.
Everyone has offered such wonderful advice ~ better than I could!
Lots of to you, and feel free to FM anytime you need an ear to listen.

thank you thank you thank you..

lately I feel I don't post anything but complaints and problems. I don't mean to bring a ziggy cloud here...and I appreciate your support.

I am beginning to realize that she is really being controlled by him and either refuses to see it and how it is effecting her friendships...or she chooses to ignore how wrong he is period.

I will try not to waste any breathe on him. I would have thought his very recent brush with cancer may have opened his eyes to how many strong friendships she/they have and to bE THANKFUL.
Maybe not.
I actually felt WORSE for her that they were going thru this...but anyway.
I will bite my tongue simply by staying away from them for a while...and then arrange a GIRLS day out just her and I- no kids, no p r i c k husband ...and we will see what happens then.

thanks ladies!