UPDATE: fight over bachelor party...

I know exactly how you feel. Awhile back, FH wanted to go to Vegas to go golfing...he said it wasn't for the casinos or anything, but I still felt bad since I had never been there either. He told me he wasn't going to go.

Can the guys maybe go to A.C instead? Maybe if your FH makes it out to be a 'money issue' the guys will understand and it wont look like he's whipped or anything and feel any less manly in front of them (I dont know what kind of guy your FH is..or his friends, but I know there are alot of guys out there that would make fun of him if he said 'my fiance wont let me go').

I hope it all works out!

wow, i cant believe how close of a situation u r in that i am in!!! my FH is going to mexico for his bachelor party, which he knew from the beginning i wanted to do with my girls as well. His guys ALWAYS go away for bachelor parties, like DR, Costa Rico, etc....... My girls wont go to mexico cuz of the dangers there now (even to a resort) and cuz of money. FH is still going to mexico with his boys. he knows i wanna go, and he acts like he has NO say in it, i dont know whats happening now- but i feel your pain hun!

it sux right now, but make sure u guys get to go together in the future, stay at a diff hotel, and experience a new hotel together! b ut TALK TO HIM!!!!! and talk to his friends, the ones that are planning the bachelor party!

i hope it goes better.

Gina, I totally understand. I am the same way as far as wanting to experience a city we have never been to together- FH and I. I too would be upset. Not really because I don't trust him but because I am stuck here while FH is having the time of his life. I don't know what advice to give you but I hope you guys resolve this one way or another.

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Posted by MrsDtoBe09

Ha! This is totally us! I said the same thing to fh, I don't care where you go, it just can't be somewhere we've never gone to together. Especially a fun place like Vegas!

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I said the exact same thing to FH, we've both never been to Vegas and I want to go together after the wedding. One of his cousins said to him, let's go to Vegas, I shot FH a dirty look and said to him 'go ahead and when u come back you can marry yourself' of course I wasnt serious but at the time I must have sounded really bitchy bc it hasnt been brought up since

Gina Good Luck, I hope it works out

Yes... I know how you feel. FH travles all over to snowboard...hes been pretty good about it since we got engaged but before that he would go away a lot. Of course I was upset that he went w/o me but there are just things that I wont fight him over. I dont want to tell him no if its something he really wants to do. You are lucky... you have the trust (I'm not saying that I dont) but most girls would wnt to go b/c they dont trust their bf,fh,dh... know what I mean?

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Posted by Espo22

I can say that he probably does feel bad. I had the same situation but vice versa. I went to vegas for 1st time for my bachelorette party, dh has been there about 6 times and loves it. He wanted us to go together for my first time there and we're gonna go before the BP's but bc of wedding expenses we didn't.

I did feel bad but at the same time he understood and didnt say anything to me, well he couldn't since he was also going. He just says we will go together soon and he also always says that even though he has been there numerous times, it will be a VERY different experience going together so in a way it will be like experiencing it for the first time but in a different way.

Sorry youre upset about this but i remember how i felt and you do feel bad. But just know that you two can still go and do ALOT of things he didn't do, such as shows and restaurants. Also maybe they wont even get to go to rehab, i saw you mentioned this. The line is like an hour long, its really insane

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I totally understand how you feel and understand where you are coming from, but I have to agree with Espo on this one. I think you have to keep in mind that you guys CAN go back together and experience everything together and it will be a COMPLETELY different experience than his experience there with his friends. So it will be like the first time for both of you.

First off a group of guys in Vegas are NOT going to Cirque show. I can just about guarantee that to you. They are going there to party and THAT SUX! I KNOW! Trust me my FH is going there for his bachelor party and Im not thrilled, but I KNEW it was going to happen so its not an issue for me. Yes they are going to Rehab, it doesnt matter how long that line is, they are going to Rehab. Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you dont go to Vegas and miss Rehab.

BUT what I think you need to keep in mind is that this is once in a lifetime for him too. Hes NEVER going to be 'the bachelor' again. Hes NEVER going to have his friends get together FOR HIM, in HIS honor, to celebrate his last time as a 'FREE MAN' sorta thing. And I think you have to understand that. And the fact that he doesnt want you there isnt meant to hurt you or be mean to you OR not see it your way, its his BACHELOR PARTY! This is just me I would NEVER ask my FH to do that because if he asked me to do that I WOULD BE LIVID! Im sorry my bachelorette party is MY TIME with MY GIRLS!

And honestly, if you were both IN Vegas AT THE SAME TIME and you called him one night because you wanted to go out together and he doesnt want to, your going to fight and then BOTH of your bachelor/bachelorette parties are RUINED! And it just wont be the same, your going to end up in the same clubs almost every night and its just NOT the same experience and its not fair to EITHER one of you. =/

And, this isnt meant offensive so PLEASE dont take it this way, but I think you need to give him the freedom to have experiences without you even if its something you wanted to do together. If it was just a trip for NO REASON with his friends THATS TOTALLY DIFFERENT! BUT HIS bachelor party... I think you have to understand how HES feeling on this one. Im 100% sure he feels bad, but if I were him I would still go and be mad that you would be picking a fight with me over it. =/

And I know how it feels because my girls cant afford to take me to Vegas so Im not going. AND I know what its like to feel closer to the guys AND you know just HOW MUCH FUN they are to be around cause to be honest I have WAY MORE guy friends than Girl friends, but at the end of the day your not a guy. =/ Again Im not trying to be mean, but the one thing I realized is no matter how close I am to my guy friends, Im not a guy. And the bachelor party is ABOUT THE GUYS. And your party will be ABOUT THE GIRLS... =/ It sounds so silly, but its 2 separate things to be experienced separately.

JUST MY OPINION and I hope I didnt upset you in any way. Im just being honest on how I see it.

we had the same fight a while back...long sory short, I gave in, he went away for his BP already and you know what, it ****** for me to be here in snow while he was having a great time in the sun with his boys, lol but it passed, and all in all im glad i backed off and let him do it now because he's never doing it again

oh yea....and us missing eachother for a few days was GREAT for when he came back

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW U FEEL!!!!!!!

I told fh no way u r going to vegas bc i have been asking to go there for 6 years and he never wanted to go. he agreed bc i have been asking him for years..

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Posted by 2009Bride2Be

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Posted by Espo22

I can say that he probably does feel bad. I had the same situation but vice versa. I went to vegas for 1st time for my bachelorette party, dh has been there about 6 times and loves it. He wanted us to go together for my first time there and we're gonna go before the BP's but bc of wedding expenses we didn't.

I did feel bad but at the same time he understood and didnt say anything to me, well he couldn't since he was also going. He just says we will go together soon and he also always says that even though he has been there numerous times, it will be a VERY different experience going together so in a way it will be like experiencing it for the first time but in a different way.

Sorry youre upset about this but i remember how i felt and you do feel bad. But just know that you two can still go and do ALOT of things he didn't do, such as shows and restaurants. Also maybe they wont even get to go to rehab, i saw you mentioned this. The line is like an hour long, its really insane

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I totally understand how you feel and understand where you are coming from, but I have to agree with Espo on this one. I think you have to keep in mind that you guys CAN go back together and experience everything together and it will be a COMPLETELY different experience than his experience there with his friends. So it will be like the first time for both of you.

First off a group of guys in Vegas are NOT going to Cirque show. I can just about guarantee that to you. They are going there to party and THAT SUX! I KNOW! Trust me my FH is going there for his bachelor party and Im not thrilled, but I KNEW it was going to happen so its not an issue for me. Yes they are going to Rehab, it doesnt matter how long that line is, they are going to Rehab. Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you dont go to Vegas and miss Rehab.

BUT what I think you need to keep in mind is that this is once in a lifetime for him too. Hes NEVER going to be 'the bachelor' again. Hes NEVER going to have his friends get together FOR HIM, in HIS honor, to celebrate his last time as a 'FREE MAN' sorta thing. And I think you have to understand that. And the fact that he doesnt want you there isnt meant to hurt you or be mean to you OR not see it your way, its his BACHELOR PARTY! This is just me I would NEVER ask my FH to do that because if he asked me to do that I WOULD BE LIVID! Im sorry my bachelorette party is MY TIME with MY GIRLS!

And honestly, if you were both IN Vegas AT THE SAME TIME and you called him one night because you wanted to go out together and he doesnt want to, your going to fight and then BOTH of your bachelor/bachelorette parties are RUINED! And it just wont be the same, your going to end up in the same clubs almost every night and its just NOT the same experience and its not fair to EITHER one of you. =/

And, this isnt meant offensive so PLEASE dont take it this way, but I think you need to give him the freedom to have experiences without you even if its something you wanted to do together. If it was just a trip for NO REASON with his friends THATS TOTALLY DIFFERENT! BUT HIS bachelor party... I think you have to understand how HES feeling on this one. Im 100% sure he feels bad, but if I were him I would still go and be mad that you would be picking a fight with me over it. =/

And I know how it feels because my girls cant afford to take me to Vegas so Im not going. AND I know what its like to feel closer to the guys AND you know just HOW MUCH FUN they are to be around cause to be honest I have WAY MORE guy friends than Girl friends, but at the end of the day your not a guy. =/ Again Im not trying to be mean, but the one thing I realized is no matter how close I am to my guy friends, Im not a guy. And the bachelor party is ABOUT THE GUYS. And your party will be ABOUT THE GIRLS... =/ It sounds so silly, but its 2 separate things to be experienced separately.

JUST MY OPINION and I hope I didnt upset you in any way. Im just being honest on how I see it.

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I went to vegas and missed rehab the worst part is that i was there opening weekend so you know it was good. But on sat we went out to a club but after went to an after hours club and we got back to the room around 7:30am and went to bed then. I have to say i did wake up around 10am to go to rehab but as soon as I woke up i knew it wasnt going to happen, i tried for a bit but i felt like such crap on two hours of sleep, still hungover and i know what its like to party under the sun, its bad when you are feeling 100% fine but to feel horrible before even going, i knew i would get sick or just feel horrible. I felt bad at first that i didnt go lol but eh its ok i guess. I saw this show which showed rehab live and what goes on and it was opening day in 08 which was when i was supposed to go lol, it S*CKED watching it lol.

Yeah dh's friend who also went to vegas a bunch of times went with his GF and he told DH it was a totally different experience and just about everything he did there with his gf were all things he did for the first time in vegas although he had also been there about 5x. Like you said, they never went to cirque de soleil or any of those shows. So although DH has been there many times, and i know he also wanted to show me vegas the first time, i know when we go it will be a very different experience for both of us and both will do things there we didn't get to do.

my DH went to vegas for his... i was a little jealous since we did one night in AC for mine but that's what my friends could afford and we still had a wonderful time.

if a joint bach party is out of the question, maybe a compromise would make you feel better? tell him you'd prefer he didnt see cirq (not sure if thats much of a guy thing anyway) and promise to go there with you within the first year you're married?

vegas is the kind of place you can go to many times, and maybe he'll even get some comps that will save you $$ when you go back with him

mazz im down for VEGAS! lol u know we can party it up

tell vin he *****

maybe really sit down with him and calmly tell him how much this is hurting you

im happy you guys settled that and hey at least he isnt being that nice guy and not going anymore! you are lucky.. because my fh will not even think twice and no matter how upset i can be about it hes still going to go anyway! he sees it as its his day and wherever the guys want to take him and he wants to go he is going to go.. and honestly i guess i cant say anything cause i feel the same way about my day.. i am going to want to go where i want to and i wont like if it if he tells me no i cant.. so i have to look at it in a positive way and say to myself.. he is only going to do this once more and go out with his guys for a weekend away like this and never do it again, so let him go and enjoy it.. as sad as i will be about it, but i wont be able to do anything about it.. im happy you won in this, that is great.. i wish i could do the same, haha lucky you! =)


ps: i actually heard not too long ago a very scary thing about guys going to vegas for their day and a groom came back and realized he had way too much fun with his single guys and realized he wasnt ready to get married and they were suppose to get married a month later and they didnt all cause of the vegas trip that made him realize he wasnt ready to settle down cause of so much fun he was having in vegas and realized he needs to party more.. can you believe that!? thats a very scary thought and it can freak out a lot of girls.. id die if that happend to me! =/

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Posted by dazies1011

Glad it worked out Gina. I saw the post last night on Ant's PS3 and couldnt write, it such a PITA.

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thats okay... i knew we just needed more time to think of other options... we're always pretty good on compromises

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by dazies1011

Glad it worked out Gina. I saw the post last night on Ant's PS3 and couldnt write, it such a PITA.

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thats okay... i knew we just needed more time to think of other options... we're always pretty good on compromises

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Compromises or your way?

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Posted by endlesslove116

im happy you guys settled that and hey at least he isnt being that nice guy and not going anymore! you are lucky.. because my fh will not even think twice and no matter how upset i can be about it hes still going to go anyway! he sees it as its his day and wherever the guys want to take him and he wants to go he is going to go.. and honestly i guess i cant say anything cause i feel the same way about my day.. i am going to want to go where i want to and i wont like if it if he tells me no i cant.. so i have to look at it in a positive way and say to myself.. he is only going to do this once more and go out with his guys for a weekend away like this and never do it again, so let him go and enjoy it.. as sad as i will be about it, but i wont be able to do anything about it.. im happy you won in this, that is great.. i wish i could do the same, haha lucky you! =)


ps: i actually heard not too long ago a very scary thing about guys going to vegas for their day and a groom came back and realized he had way too much fun with his single guys and realized he wasnt ready to get married and they were suppose to get married a month later and they didnt all cause of the vegas trip that made him realize he wasnt ready to settle down cause of so much fun he was having in vegas and realized he needs to party more.. can you believe that!? thats a very scary thought and it can freak out a lot of girls.. id die if that happend to me! =/

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i am sorry but i doubt he was 100% ready then, i think this was something in the back of his mind before the trip. They couldve stayed locally and had a lot of fun and he would've felt the same way. I think no matter where they went he would've realized he was not ready. I mean vegas is fun but not to change your whole life lmao. I had fun don't get me wrong but clubs arent really that different from NYC, its honestly the whole mindset. Vegas is smart and advertises it as the place to go and lose yourself and forget all your problems but you can have just as much fun elsewhere. The guy just wasnt ready.

GINA-sounds like a great compromise, and this way he doesn't feel like you're just saying no to him, you said he can go anywhere else so not like you were just arguing about him going away which isn't the case and now he sees this. I think maybe guys would think it was just an excuse bc of the whole going away thing but you proved its not that.

Thats awesome Gina, Im glad you 2 were able to work things out It sounds like a good compromise!