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UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
Original post by BellaEyes
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that cause drama or added stress? Do you just chose not to deal with it or take the bulls by their horns?
Update: My issue: It's much more than a planning issue. I can't really get into specifics on here b/c you never know who lurks.. but I will say that it's not even about the planninng, b/c these certain people are not involved, nor want to be, they have already stated a year ago that they will not be contributing to any part of the plannning.. so when I heard this I said FINE NO PROBLEMO!!
This is about... MAJOR DRAMA they are causing..implying that if 'things' are not resolved they will not be coming to our wedding.. when I say 'things' I mean lies that they are fabricating and saying that I said over a year ago, wondering why I am not exactly coming over and visiting so much these past couple years..to this I will have to say.. 'WELL, I HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING EXACTLY ALL WARM and WELCOMING INTO THIS FAMILY THESE PAST YEARS'!!!! with all the horrible comments and remarks.. and chose to stay away b.c of them and the unwelcomed feeling I get makes me want to stay away! and you want me to visit more and make nice nice.. ?? WHY so I can come there and be verbally abused all frikkin DAY? NO THANK YOU!!! All this horrible treatment?? WHY? I have done nothing but extended my hand to them time and time again and been nothing but nice and the remarks that were made were extremely uncalled for and out of line!
All I have to say is thankfully I love him enough to stick around.. b.c really sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up and saying FRIG THIS I don't even want any part of this whacked out family!! I'm out!!! BUT.. I am stronger than them, I am not going to let them break me like they want me to!
BUT LET ME Tell you girls.. I am sooooo on edge lately.. I am about to really FLIP out... and I have to keep reminding myself to remain calm..
Anyhoo.. thanks for letting me vent...
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Update: My issue: It's much more than a planning issue. I can't really get into specifics on here b/c you never know who lurks.. but I will say that it's not even about the planninng, b/c these certain people are not involved, nor want to be, they have already stated a year ago that they will not be contributing to any part of the plannning.. so when I heard this I said FINE NO PROBLEMO!!
This is about... MAJOR DRAMA they are causing..implying that if 'things' are not resolved they will not be coming to our wedding.. when I say 'things' I mean lies that they are fabricating and saying that I said over a year ago, wondering why I am not exactly coming over and visiting so much these past couple years..to this I will have to say.. 'WELL, I HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING EXACTLY ALL WARM and WELCOMING INTO THIS FAMILY THESE PAST YEARS'!!!! with all the horrible comments and remarks.. and chose to stay away b.c of them and the unwelcomed feeling I get makes me want to stay away! and you want me to visit more and make nice nice.. ?? WHY so I can come there and be verbally abused all frikkin DAY? NO THANK YOU!!! All this horrible treatment?? WHY? I have done nothing but extended my hand to them time and time again and been nothing but nice and the remarks that were made were extremely uncalled for and out of line!
All I have to say is thankfully I love him enough to stick around.. b.c really sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up and saying FRIG THIS I don't even want any part of this whacked out family!! I'm out!!! BUT.. I am stronger than them, I am not going to let them break me like they want me to!
BUT LET ME Tell you girls.. I am sooooo on edge lately.. I am about to really FLIP out... and I have to keep reminding myself to remain calm..
Anyhoo.. thanks for letting me vent...
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
I noticed before and after my engagement 'friends' are calling me and dumping their $hit on me and venting their problems about their men.. and not even bothering to ask me how I'm doing and how's the wedding planning etc... So I learned to keep them at arms length and keep the convo short... little phone contact and even shorter contact with e-mails. Unfortunately, some people around me are selfish, inconsiderate and warped! so this is the best way for to handle this.. by staying the H E L L away!
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
I am taking Xanax as needed!
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
Posted by alioop4282
I am taking Xanax as needed!![]()
Send some over here please
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
Bump
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
In-laws are in fact just that...insane!!!! Personally I started keeping evidence (like e-mails) and I don't speak to any family member w/o my FH being present b/c they lie.
Some of soon-to-relatives say, 'It hasn't hit me yet that your getting married' (just 7 days away) My only reply to that is, 'In 7 days and for the rest of my life I will be Mrs....that's right...it's my name' I think my being so comfortable with begin apart of the family gets to them more.
In the end I realized that I absolutely love him...and can't imagine giving him up because of them! You definitely have to keep remindingyour self of that and do whatever it is that you want. In the end they may never come around....but atleast you'll always have each other!
Some of soon-to-relatives say, 'It hasn't hit me yet that your getting married' (just 7 days away) My only reply to that is, 'In 7 days and for the rest of my life I will be Mrs....that's right...it's my name' I think my being so comfortable with begin apart of the family gets to them more.
In the end I realized that I absolutely love him...and can't imagine giving him up because of them! You definitely have to keep remindingyour self of that and do whatever it is that you want. In the end they may never come around....but atleast you'll always have each other!
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
Posted by julybride06
In-laws are in fact just that...insane!!!! Personally I started keeping evidence (like e-mails) and I don't speak to any family member w/o my FH being present b/c they lie.
Some of soon-to-relatives say, 'It hasn't hit me yet that your getting married' (just 7 days away) My only reply to that is, 'In 7 days and for the rest of my life I will be Mrs....that's right...it's my name' I think my being so comfortable with begin apart of the family gets to them more.
In the end I realized that I absolutely love him...and can't imagine giving him up because of them! You definitely have to keep remindingyour self of that and do whatever it is that you want. In the end they may never come around....but atleast you'll always have each other!
Thanks, It's nice to know I am not the only one dealing with insane FIL's.. It's just they really are off their rocker and I hope and pray FH will continue to see this and not give in to their insanity..
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
Unfortunately i am in the same exact situation. I am treated so disrespectfully it is disgusting. They have told us they are not coming to the wedding, which at this point is a relief to me.....but i do feel bad for FH. I try not to think about it and just hope thinsg will work themselves out by nov......not much else i can do. when i do try to work stuff out, it is completely pointless b/c they are completely irrational.....sorry i'm not much help
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Re: UPDATE: How are you girls handling the stresses of certain family members
First let me say...I feel your pain and I'm sorry you are going through this...![]()
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FIL's have caused major drama and threatened numerous times not to come to the wedding. They have gone out of their way to not make me feel welcome and then turn around and wonder why I don't feel like being chummy.![]()
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However, recently they have crossed the line that goes beyond unacceptable...WAY beyond unacceptable. We are choosing not to deal with it and they are not welcome at our wedding....FH's decision, which I definitely can not say I do not support after what they have done. We have tried to reason with them, but how do you reason with people who are emotionally disturbed?
All I can say is this...if they are low enough to threaten not to come to the biggest day in their child's life it will be a decision they will regret for the rest of their lives...their loss, not yours. To even think about hurting your child in that way is just plain cruel and inhuman. Problem with weddings is that they are used way too frequently as emotional blackmail...and you can not allow yourself to be put in that situation. However, this is something that your FH and yourself must see eye-to-eye on. After so many times of them trying to get their way by threatening not to come to the wedding, I actually told his aunt that the next time they try to do that it will be considered an official RSVP. Rude and against ettiquette? Yeah, but so is what they were doing and who wants to be bullied?
Anyway, what I have learned from this whole wedding experience is that those who TRUELY love and care about you will be at your wedding. The ones who don't for no other reason other then previous engagements and the usual reasons, well...says a lot about their character doesn't it? All I can say is that I can not imagen EVER missing my child's wedding...or even threatening not to go...even if I absolutely disapproved of whom they were marrying. It's not my life and it's their choice. You be there for them the best you can, support them, and hope for the best. Sorry to go on and on, this is just really 'fresh' for me.
Good luck, and if you need to talk, FM me.
FIL's have caused major drama and threatened numerous times not to come to the wedding. They have gone out of their way to not make me feel welcome and then turn around and wonder why I don't feel like being chummy.
However, recently they have crossed the line that goes beyond unacceptable...WAY beyond unacceptable. We are choosing not to deal with it and they are not welcome at our wedding....FH's decision, which I definitely can not say I do not support after what they have done. We have tried to reason with them, but how do you reason with people who are emotionally disturbed?
All I can say is this...if they are low enough to threaten not to come to the biggest day in their child's life it will be a decision they will regret for the rest of their lives...their loss, not yours. To even think about hurting your child in that way is just plain cruel and inhuman. Problem with weddings is that they are used way too frequently as emotional blackmail...and you can not allow yourself to be put in that situation. However, this is something that your FH and yourself must see eye-to-eye on. After so many times of them trying to get their way by threatening not to come to the wedding, I actually told his aunt that the next time they try to do that it will be considered an official RSVP. Rude and against ettiquette? Yeah, but so is what they were doing and who wants to be bullied?
Anyway, what I have learned from this whole wedding experience is that those who TRUELY love and care about you will be at your wedding. The ones who don't for no other reason other then previous engagements and the usual reasons, well...says a lot about their character doesn't it? All I can say is that I can not imagen EVER missing my child's wedding...or even threatening not to go...even if I absolutely disapproved of whom they were marrying. It's not my life and it's their choice. You be there for them the best you can, support them, and hope for the best. Sorry to go on and on, this is just really 'fresh' for me.
Good luck, and if you need to talk, FM me.
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