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UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Original post by carolinebr

Please tell me what you would do....

Simply put: My sister is a DRAMA QUEEN. She MUST be the center of attention at all times. She is also a compulsive liar. You cannot believe anything that comes out of her mouth. This is also my only sibling.

I knew she'd pull SOMETHING on my day but I wasn't sure what. At my father's wedding, she showed up over 3 hours late (she was 'protesting' the marriage), wearing next to nothing (Did I mention she's a stripper?) She missed the ceremony, which broke my father's heart. She wore no makeup, didn't shower & was a total embarrassment. She announced to the table that she wasn't wearing underwear. It was awful.

So here it was, my wedding day. I I had told her I would pay for her hair & makeup (b/c she was complaining she is broke.) She said no. She showed up at the RH TEN MINUTES before photos were to begin. She had obviously not showered or washed her hair & she was wearing a very revealing 'dress', if you could call it that. Her fake boobs were hanging out the sides & she was not wearing a bra. I was HORRIFIED. She was also clearly high as a kite. She had the jitters & was a nervous wreck. It was obvious that she was on coke or something like it which would not be out of the ordinary. Her first stint in rehab was at age 14. She's now 40.

Thank GOD she was a BM so we could dress her in something less embarrassing. My girl's dresses were tea length. But my SISTER had her altered into a fricking minidress. It was about 10 inches above her knee. My BM's did what they could to get her hair & makeup done and make her presentable.

We went for our formal pictures & she was a jittery mess. We put her (& her short dress) in the back for all the pictures & she was screaming 'no one will see me back here! I'm the sister! I need to be seen!' She also kept SCREAMING that she needed a cigarette. It was to the point where the photographer had to tell her to stop talking b/c she was ruining the pictures. She also wore her huge F*ck Me pumps ONTO the beach for pictures. HELLO - you are standing in SAND (in your minidress). We all told her to take her shoes off & she refused. She was too busy grinding her teeth & begging anyone for 'a smoke'. Classy.

So now its time for the ceremony. She is standing up there and she starts to cry. I was touched. 'Maybe she DOES have a heart' I thought. Boy was I wrong.

She started to sob. Then started the snot-snobbing. Literally. I am trying to get married & she is wailing. My BM's were looking at me with HUGE eyes. One was patting her on the back. It was almost funny but it wasn't.

So the ceremony ends, we walk back down the aisle, into the bride's lounge to bustle my dress & my sister is SNORTING & sobbing hysterically. She starts saying 'I just can't stop CRYING' then launches into a speech about how sh!tty her life is & how marrying her ex-husband was the worst thing she ever did & how she is so worried for me b/c 'marriage will ruin your life!' AT MY WEDDING!!!! IN THE BRIDALLOUNGE! Keyword: Bridal !!!

I walked out of that room & never looked back. Apparently she kept crying & sobbing. She was walking around at the cocktail hour telling her sob story to anyone who would listen. Her story of course kept changing b/c she is a LIAR. She turned it into 'look at this perfect wedding. Everything about Caroline is perfect. My parents never gave me a wedding like this!' Um, Beth honey??? YOU HAD 2 WEDDINGS. Two. And dad paid for both of them. And your divorces. So shut up.

Finally, my MOH told her she was 'a disgrace' and to get it together or leave. Well, she left. She told my mom she needed to 'go for a drive'.

About an hour later, the Maitre'D (WHO WAS AMAZING) told me 'your sister came back to gather her things & she has left.' I felt a rush of relief.

At my after party, she was calling my cell phone like a maniac. She must have called 15x. I did not answer, I had nothing to say to her. She called my MOH's cell phone too. My MOH told her again that she was a 'disgrace' and that she embarrassed herself & her family.

Its been almost two weeks and I have not spoken to her since. My father is mad at me & says I need to 'reach out' to her b/c she is 'troubled & depressed' and she 'needs me.' WHATEVER. I don't feel bad for her. She has been on drugs for over 20 years. I am just so DONE with her. She's 40 fricking years old & she has been an attention whore since she was born. I am so sick of her BS. All I wanted was ONE DAY for it to be about me & she tried to steal it. I just can't seem to forgive her. I have no need to ever talk to her again. My father says I am 'cold & heartless.'

Am I really the meanest person ever? What would you do?

UPDATE: So, my father & I just had a huge blowout over my f*cking loser sister. He thinks I am 'punishing' my sister for having problems & that I am irrational for not wanting to speak to her. I said to him 'remember how YOU felt when she pulled that sh!t at your wedding?' He said yes. I said 'now you know how I feel.' Then I kind of went off. Probably not the best move. I told him that I want nothing to do with her until she gets help. He is Furious with me.

But STILL, she totally deserted her only sister on her wedding day, she tried to steal my thunder and she humiliated me in front of my in-laws, (who are ALSO telling me that she needs serious help, which is embarrassing). She drove her car high on drugs (and I lost a BFF to a drunk driver), she made a scene, she said AWFUL things...

Why should I be made to feel badly for her???

ARGH!!!!
heatherandrichie Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I'm sorry your dad said that about you. There comes a time in your life when it has to be about you. Your dad enables your sister and that's why she is the way she is. You are starting a new life and now it's about you & DH. I do NOT think you should call her. She should call you & apologize till her teeth fall out. Which won't happen and if it does it won't be sincere, b/c she's an addict. You can't rationalize with addicts. They think they're the victims. Stand your ground & let your dad know this is about you two and you'll handle it how you feel necessary.

iamvocal72 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Wow, what a damn shame. Drugs and mental illness seem to have stolen your sisters life and she has obviously let them rule her.

There is NOTHING you can do here.

You are not mean. You are fed up. I may not be the best person to answer this. I am known to shut people out that cause me large amounts of pain. I would have no room in my life for someone like your sister. She would have to make some kind of effort to fix herself for me to make a move in reconnecting with her. Tough love is just that; tough. If you don't want to talk to her until she gets some help then so be it. She has the ability to change the course of her life, she just refuses to. NO ONE and NOTHING has made her life the way it is except for her. There are plenty of people out there willing to help her and she is refusing it.

I wish you the very best of luck and I am so sorry that your sister has chosen to live her life like this.
B22 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

you arent the meanest person... NOT IN THE LEAST.

you're just fed up. I say take as much time as you need to cool down. You dont NEED to reach out. Its seems you've reached out over & over.. I can sense your frustration.

Enjoy your marriage. If she wants to reach out to you... then be cordial. But it should be YOUR call, you did nothing wrong.

by the way I would just like to echo this sentiment:
Everything about Caroline is perfect.

ain't it the truth... ain't it the truth..

[[[hug]]]
dancerandchef Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

We are so sorry to hear this. You are not the meanest person at all. Your sister did this to herself. I am sure that you have helped her many times before. She is now 40 and still going through her problems and situations. It is time for her to take care of herself on her own. You and your family have probably been there for her since day one. You have helped her a great deal but she is adult now and you are married. Enjoy your life. She needs to look at herself from this situation and learn that it is time to really grow up.
Congratulations on your special day and Best Wishes to you and your husband. Here are some hugs for you.



~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael
mycrayon1 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

OH Sweetheart my date twin I am sooooooo sorry that has been going on!! Especially on your wedding day!
All I can say is no I don't think your wrong or cold hearted or anything like that. She totally disrespected you on your big day. If my brother did something like that I wouldn't be talking to him either.

I hope everything works out!!!
carolinebr Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....


Posted by CJ32

I watch that show 'intervention' and the family members all give the offer to help and if he/she refuses than they ask them not to contact them anymore.



I actually wrote into that show twice already asking them to help us!

We have had our own interventions with before as well, trying to her her to stop drugs (which she denies she's on ) and to stop stripping (since she is a mother of 2).
SunBride07 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I think it is time for 'Tough Love' - she's 40 years old - time for her to get it together! You deserve to go on with your life and be happy!! I can't believe she did that to you on your wedding day
mandysmom503 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on your wedding day

And no I don't think your a mean person. You have a right to feel the way you want to feel and I think it's valid. If I were in your shoes I would of done the same thing I think. I actually might have told her to leave the minute she walked in.

It's very difficult to deal with people who are addicts....when harder when it's a family member. I completely sympathize with you.

The time is going to come where you're just going to have enough and you'll cease communication with her...and I don't feel that it's inappropriate or 'mean and heartless'. It's moving on with your life and not accomodating someone who is like your MOH said 'a disgrace and an embarassment'.

I hope things work out...I do...but I think in a sense you should prepare for all possibilities.
carolinebr Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Thank you everyone for your hugs & support! This is why I love this site. Do y'all like my new avatar BTW? (beaming with joy)

You are all so right about so many things! Geniuses... you are all geniuses

Yes - my parents 'enable' her. I have told them that a million times. She walks all over my parents & takes advantage of them ALL THE TIME. They are so good to her & she shiits all over them. My father is spineless when it comes to her. He says all the time that 'we can't give up on her.' My father is 70 years old & still holds her hand 24 hours a day. JUST last week, he bought her a new car. She's FORTY years old!! Buy your own damn car!
Yes - she thinks she is a 'victim' in life. Nothing is ever her fault. EVER. She has no sense of responsibility. It also doesn't help that EVERYTHING that comes out of her mouth is a lie. The gross exaggeration & fish tales that she spews are so ridiculous but no one ever calls her out on it! No one ever says 'Beth, you're lying.' And we should. And my parents believe every lie she tells.
Yes - she needs serious mental help. On this topic alone, I could write a novel.
Yes - she has extremely low self-esteem.
Yes - I am fed up. Literally, I started going to Al-Anon meetings & family therapy in the SECOND GRADE because of her. When most kids were going to sleep-away camp & dance recitals - I spent my weekends in family sessions at South Oaks. Enough is enough already...
Yes - I would feel awful if something happened to her & we hadn't spoken but until she gets help, I just don't know that I can let her into my life. We have a 3 month old baby girl & I don't want my baby to be around exposed to her antics.
Yes - I am just going to enjoy my new life with my wonderful new hubby & our beautiful baby. When she gets help and when she is ready to accept responsibility for her actions, then we'll talk again.

Luckily, she & i live in other states so I can get the literal & figurative space I need from her.

Thank you all for listening.


Pencils Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

No, you're not a mean person. Your sister is obviously very ******-up, and needs a stint in rehab and a lot of psychiatric care. You can't provide that for her, she can only help herself. You were very kind to make her into a BM. I'm sorry this happened at your wedding, I hope the rest of the day was wonderful. Everyone deserves to have a wonderful wedding day.

If you want my advice--tell, or send her a message, that you are willing to help her and support her IF she helps herself. She obviously doesn't seem to know how low she has gotten, and maybe she needs a kick in the tush. I'm an alcoholic myself, sober for more than five years (although I was a very functional alcoholic, I was never messed up like that) and I know that only she can make those first steps to clean up her life. But if she does make those steps, it would be wonderful to have her family there to help her, and you'd be an incredible person if you were willing to overlook her behavior at your wedding and give her a hand. But she has to make a new start, and she needs to do that herself.

Congratulations on your marriage!
carolinebr Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

BUMP for update... see original post

LB and DC Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

i am so sorry that your dad is upset with you - especially since he has been in your shoes! i still think you made the right decision to not have her in your life right now - you can always reach out to her later if and when you are ready.

MJDoc12 Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

i just wanted to say i'm so sorry you have to deal with this family drama.

it sounds like your father is in serious denial of how bad his daughter is---and by going the 'its not her fault--you need to feel sorry for her' approach--he is enabling her and feeding her need for attention. so it will be very hard for him to ever see your point of view. he doesn't want to admit that she is a total mess and hasn't changed over the years.

i think you should just cool out with your family for awhle--and just enjoy being a mom and married. any confrontations and such, will be too heated right now, cause you are so angry. maybe later on, things can be discussed, but not now.
CrisiDrue Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....


Posted by carolinebr

Please tell me what you would do....

Simply put: My sister is a DRAMA QUEEN. She MUST be the center of attention at all times. She is also a compulsive liar. You cannot believe anything that comes out of her mouth. This is also my only sibling.

I knew she'd pull SOMETHING on my day but I wasn't sure what. At my father's wedding, she showed up over 3 hours late (she was 'protesting' the marriage), wearing next to nothing (Did I mention she's a stripper?) She missed the ceremony, which broke my father's heart. She wore no makeup, didn't shower & was a total embarrassment. She announced to the table that she wasn't wearing underwear. It was awful.

So here it was, my wedding day. I I had told her I would pay for her hair & makeup (b/c she was complaining she is broke.) She said no. She showed up at the RH TEN MINUTES before photos were to begin. She had obviously not showered or washed her hair & she was wearing a very revealing 'dress', if you could call it that. Her fake boobs were hanging out the sides & she was not wearing a bra. I was HORRIFIED. She was also clearly high as a kite. She had the jitters & was a nervous wreck. It was obvious that she was on coke or something like it which would not be out of the ordinary. Her first stint in rehab was at age 14. She's now 40.

Thank GOD she was a BM so we could dress her in something less embarrassing. My girl's dresses were tea length. But my SISTER had her altered into a fricking minidress. It was about 10 inches above her knee. My BM's did what they could to get her hair & makeup done and make her presentable.

We went for our formal pictures & she was a jittery mess. We put her (& her short dress) in the back for all the pictures & she was screaming 'no one will see me back here! I'm the sister! I need to be seen!' She also kept SCREAMING that she needed a cigarette. It was to the point where the photographer had to tell her to stop talking b/c she was ruining the pictures. She also wore her huge F*ck Me pumps ONTO the beach for pictures. HELLO - you are standing in SAND (in your minidress). We all told her to take her shoes off & she refused. She was too busy grinding her teeth & begging anyone for 'a smoke'. Classy.

So now its time for the ceremony. She is standing up there and she starts to cry. I was touched. 'Maybe she DOES have a heart' I thought. Boy was I wrong.

She started to sob. Then started the snot-snobbing. Literally. I am trying to get married & she is wailing. My BM's were looking at me with HUGE eyes. One was patting her on the back. It was almost funny but it wasn't.

So the ceremony ends, we walk back down the aisle, into the bride's lounge to bustle my dress & my sister is SNORTING & sobbing hysterically. She starts saying 'I just can't stop CRYING' then launches into a speech about how sh!tty her life is & how marrying her ex-husband was the worst thing she ever did & how she is so worried for me b/c 'marriage will ruin your life!' AT MY WEDDING!!!! IN THE BRIDALLOUNGE! Keyword: Bridal !!!

I walked out of that room & never looked back. Apparently she kept crying & sobbing. She was walking around at the cocktail hour telling her sob story to anyone who would listen. Her story of course kept changing b/c she is a LIAR. She turned it into 'look at this perfect wedding. Everything about Caroline is perfect. My parents never gave me a wedding like this!' Um, Beth honey??? YOU HAD 2 WEDDINGS. Two. And dad paid for both of them. And your divorces. So shut up.

Finally, my MOH told her she was 'a disgrace' and to get it together or leave. Well, she left. She told my mom she needed to 'go for a drive'.

About an hour later, the Maitre'D (WHO WAS AMAZING) told me 'your sister came back to gather her things & she has left.' I felt a rush of relief.

At my after party, she was calling my cell phone like a maniac. She must have called 15x. I did not answer, I had nothing to say to her. She called my MOH's cell phone too. My MOH told her again that she was a 'disgrace' and that she embarrassed herself & her family.

Its been almost two weeks and I have not spoken to her since. My father is mad at me & says I need to 'reach out' to her b/c she is 'troubled & depressed' and she 'needs me.' WHATEVER. I don't feel bad for her. She has been on drugs for over 20 years. I am just so DONE with her. She's 40 fricking years old & she has been an attention whore since she was born. I am so sick of her BS. All I wanted was ONE DAY for it to be about me & she tried to steal it. I just can't seem to forgive her. I have no need to ever talk to her again. My father says I am 'cold & heartless.'

Am I really the meanest person ever? What would you do?

UPDATE: So, my father & I just had a huge blowout over my f*cking loser sister. He thinks I am 'punishing' my sister for having problems & that I am irrational for not wanting to speak to her. I said to him 'remember how YOU felt when she pulled that sh!t at your wedding?' He said yes. I said 'now you know how I feel.' Then I kind of went off. Probably not the best move. I told him that I want nothing to do with her until she gets help. He is Furious with me.

But STILL, she totally deserted her only sister on her wedding day, she tried to steal my thunder and she humiliated me in front of my in-laws, (who are ALSO telling me that she needs serious help, which is embarrassing). She drove her car high on drugs (and I lost a BFF to a drunk driver), she made a scene, she said AWFUL things...

Why should I be made to feel badly for her???

ARGH!!!!





I have a similar situation with my sister (except she's younger & doesn't have fake boobs - and her drug of choice is mainly alcohol, but she dips into other drugs occasionally). IMO, there's nothing to feel bad about. If my sister pulls that sh*t at my wedding, she will be told to leave. And if she looks like a fricking stripper I don't want her in the pics. But ya know what? It's called tough love. Have you ever seen that show on A&E called 'Intervention'? It's on Friday nights, you and/or your father should maybe watch it & see if that's an option for your sis (writing to the show). My parents spent over $40K on my sister's rehab, and the day she got out she was drinking again. I have absolutely no patience for people like that, and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on your wedding day!
SOTHISISLOVE53109 Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

So sorry to hear about the hiccup on your wedding day, that is the last thing you would ever want to happen. maybe it's was best that she left so you could enjoy the rest of your wedding. I know exactly how you feel - and no I don't think you are mean, enough is enough - and you only get married once! I feel so bad your father doesn't understand but if I were in a similar situation my father would be the same way, he just wants the family to get along - but still there was no excuse for that.


Sending lots of hugs your way!
angnick Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I just want to give you
FullersBride Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

You have FM
Mooshyboo Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

awwww you are not a mean person! not at all! Your dad will always be a Dad but maybe this will give her a reality check that she could potentially lose her sister unless she gets her act together...

Well I am in a similar situation as you... same kind of thing as your sister but my with my brother ~ who I swore I would not speak to him unless he was clean and sober for a year or more... well needless to say we have not spoken in awhile (2+ yrs) & because my mom supports him and his decisions she enables him +he has abandoned his wife and child and has not supported then in any way and my god daughter is going to be 5 yrs old... so I don't talk to anyone on my mom's side of the family due to my trainwreck brother & the lifestyle they choose to accept. so if you ever want you can FM me anytime if you want to chat I totally understand your situation!

Good Luck be tough & hang in there sweetie!
luna bride x Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....


Posted by gpurple

Wow- so sorry you had to deal with that

its TIME to let it go for a while
sometimes people need 'tough love'
to get it together or hit rock bottom

Leave it be for now- don;t call

enjoy YOUR life and YOUR Husband...




i couldn';t agree more
diva7531 Posted:

Re: UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Suggest to your dad an intervention for your sister and a type of program for him and you as family members. Giving into an addicts antics is enabling them. You are doing the right thing. You should at least tell her (if your dad says no to thr intervention) that you cannot have her in your life till she takes care of herself and her drug problem. You would like a better influence in your DD's life. and go out to you and your family. People can change but they themselves have to want to change. Hope your dad gives you a break either way it turns out. FM if you ever need to talk

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