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UPDATE: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Original post by carolinebr

Please tell me what you would do....

Simply put: My sister is a DRAMA QUEEN. She MUST be the center of attention at all times. She is also a compulsive liar. You cannot believe anything that comes out of her mouth. This is also my only sibling.

I knew she'd pull SOMETHING on my day but I wasn't sure what. At my father's wedding, she showed up over 3 hours late (she was 'protesting' the marriage), wearing next to nothing (Did I mention she's a stripper?) She missed the ceremony, which broke my father's heart. She wore no makeup, didn't shower & was a total embarrassment. She announced to the table that she wasn't wearing underwear. It was awful.

So here it was, my wedding day. I I had told her I would pay for her hair & makeup (b/c she was complaining she is broke.) She said no. She showed up at the RH TEN MINUTES before photos were to begin. She had obviously not showered or washed her hair & she was wearing a very revealing 'dress', if you could call it that. Her fake boobs were hanging out the sides & she was not wearing a bra. I was HORRIFIED. She was also clearly high as a kite. She had the jitters & was a nervous wreck. It was obvious that she was on coke or something like it which would not be out of the ordinary. Her first stint in rehab was at age 14. She's now 40.

Thank GOD she was a BM so we could dress her in something less embarrassing. My girl's dresses were tea length. But my SISTER had her altered into a fricking minidress. It was about 10 inches above her knee. My BM's did what they could to get her hair & makeup done and make her presentable.

We went for our formal pictures & she was a jittery mess. We put her (& her short dress) in the back for all the pictures & she was screaming 'no one will see me back here! I'm the sister! I need to be seen!' She also kept SCREAMING that she needed a cigarette. It was to the point where the photographer had to tell her to stop talking b/c she was ruining the pictures. She also wore her huge F*ck Me pumps ONTO the beach for pictures. HELLO - you are standing in SAND (in your minidress). We all told her to take her shoes off & she refused. She was too busy grinding her teeth & begging anyone for 'a smoke'. Classy.

So now its time for the ceremony. She is standing up there and she starts to cry. I was touched. 'Maybe she DOES have a heart' I thought. Boy was I wrong.

She started to sob. Then started the snot-snobbing. Literally. I am trying to get married & she is wailing. My BM's were looking at me with HUGE eyes. One was patting her on the back. It was almost funny but it wasn't.

So the ceremony ends, we walk back down the aisle, into the bride's lounge to bustle my dress & my sister is SNORTING & sobbing hysterically. She starts saying 'I just can't stop CRYING' then launches into a speech about how sh!tty her life is & how marrying her ex-husband was the worst thing she ever did & how she is so worried for me b/c 'marriage will ruin your life!' AT MY WEDDING!!!! IN THE BRIDALLOUNGE! Keyword: Bridal !!!

I walked out of that room & never looked back. Apparently she kept crying & sobbing. She was walking around at the cocktail hour telling her sob story to anyone who would listen. Her story of course kept changing b/c she is a LIAR. She turned it into 'look at this perfect wedding. Everything about Caroline is perfect. My parents never gave me a wedding like this!' Um, Beth honey??? YOU HAD 2 WEDDINGS. Two. And dad paid for both of them. And your divorces. So shut up.

Finally, my MOH told her she was 'a disgrace' and to get it together or leave. Well, she left. She told my mom she needed to 'go for a drive'.

About an hour later, the Maitre'D (WHO WAS AMAZING) told me 'your sister came back to gather her things & she has left.' I felt a rush of relief.

At my after party, she was calling my cell phone like a maniac. She must have called 15x. I did not answer, I had nothing to say to her. She called my MOH's cell phone too. My MOH told her again that she was a 'disgrace' and that she embarrassed herself & her family.

Its been almost two weeks and I have not spoken to her since. My father is mad at me & says I need to 'reach out' to her b/c she is 'troubled & depressed' and she 'needs me.' WHATEVER. I don't feel bad for her. She has been on drugs for over 20 years. I am just so DONE with her. She's 40 fricking years old & she has been an attention whore since she was born. I am so sick of her BS. All I wanted was ONE DAY for it to be about me & she tried to steal it. I just can't seem to forgive her. I have no need to ever talk to her again. My father says I am 'cold & heartless.'

Am I really the meanest person ever? What would you do?

UPDATE: So, my father & I just had a huge blowout over my f*cking loser sister. He thinks I am 'punishing' my sister for having problems & that I am irrational for not wanting to speak to her. I said to him 'remember how YOU felt when she pulled that sh!t at your wedding?' He said yes. I said 'now you know how I feel.' Then I kind of went off. Probably not the best move. I told him that I want nothing to do with her until she gets help. He is Furious with me.

But STILL, she totally deserted her only sister on her wedding day, she tried to steal my thunder and she humiliated me in front of my in-laws, (who are ALSO telling me that she needs serious help, which is embarrassing). She drove her car high on drugs (and I lost a BFF to a drunk driver), she made a scene, she said AWFUL things...

Why should I be made to feel badly for her???

ARGH!!!!
jeanmarie Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

YOU ARE NOT A MEAN PERSON. I WOULD NOT CONTACT HER. SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP AND TAKE RESPOSIBILITY FOR HER ACTIONS.

kat74 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

You should not live your life walking on eggshells and catering to her whims and tirades. She is an adult (troubled perhaps but an adult nonetheless). If she can not get her life together it is not your fault. We do not choose our family. Sometimes we need to keep distance from certain family members in order to keep our own sanity and health. I am sure you have been through hell and back with her-- there comes a point in time and in our lives where we have to look out for ourselves more. You are a married woman with a new life of your own. Nuture that.
I am not saying NEVER speak to her again-- but do what feels right to you. Do not do it because your father or mother guilt you into it. She is not a helpless child. She may be an addict and a slave to the drugs.. but you shouldn't have to be a slave to her addiction also.
KvsGrl Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....


Posted by carolinebr


Posted by WilliesBride

She needs to be the one to say sorry to you......and I guess until then I wouldn't bother......(oh-boy is that too harsh) OOPS.......




Thank you. I agree... I think she owes me an apology.

My dad says that she did 'the right thing' by leaving. If she had stayed, I guess it probably would have been worse but STILL. She is my ONLY sister & she wasn't there for me on my wedding day.



I may be in the minority here, but I say that you should reconcile with her. Today? Absolutely not. The way she acted was selfish and immature. You are a strong person for looking past her behavior and enjoying your day! But she is your sister, and from your last post, I gather that she is still important to you despite her tendencies. Give it some time, reach out to her, and take it from there. Good luck
lilone9 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I am so sorry that that had to happen to you. That is just horrible. Anyways, you have every right not to talk to her and you totally should feel bad about it. She needs to get her own Sh*t togther. Her problems are her problems. Enjoy your new life with your husband. I wish the best for you.
gpurple Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Wow- so sorry you had to deal with that

its TIME to let it go for a while
sometimes people need 'tough love'
to get it together or hit rock bottom

Leave it be for now- don;t call

enjoy YOUR life and YOUR Husband...

MF9282 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Absolutely not! You are reacting the way any normal person would! Besides the fact she has a histroy of being an 'attention' whore she showed up late and coked up enough said! That's enough of a reaosn to ignore her existance.
I am sorry she tried to ruin your day...
AllJoy Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....


Posted by PeterNina Mom

You are not mean and you are not wrong for feeling the way you do. I would have felt the same way and probably would never speak to her again, but again that is me. See how you feel in a few weeks, months or whatever makes you comfortable and then decide if you want her in your life or not.



I completely agree.
Aug07OFCbride Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

Wow. I am so sorry that you had to deal with this on your special day. I can't even imagine. I would say take your time with this. You are obviously not in a place to speak with her now. Hopefully w/ time youll be able to talk to her and express everything you need to. It wont change her, and nothing will unless she wants to change, but she's your sister and I hope for this doesn't cause a long term split in your relationship. I would be so hurt by all of this. But I would really try to work towards talking to her and ultimately hopefully towards forgiveness. Holding on to it only causes a burden for you. And forgiving doesnt mean youre saying what she did is permissible. She clearly has some serious problems going on. I am really sorry!

I have such a hard time reading 'I would never talk to her again.' JMO. It was really a disgrace as you wrote in your post, but I can not imagine writing off family, even if they had serious problems like that. I had a strained relationship in my immed family and we didn't talk for some time and I lost them to a terminal illness and I will never be the same. In that last year I spent with them, we completely forgave eachother and true forgiveness changed my life. I realized I had to accept that wishing they would change wasnt going to make any difference, I had to love them in spite. That is just my little story. I also lost another family member (a cousin) to drug problems and wish that so many ppl didnt write this person off. Not that it would have stopped him from what happened, but I think he needed everyone more than ever.

This is not to say that you should let her take advantage of you and walk all over you, obv firm boundaries are super important.

Just my two cents.
CJ32 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I wanted to tell you that I think your a very talented writer--i felt awful for you as I read on, but i was completely engaged at your story telling!

I'm so sorry you had to experience that on your wedding day--its unfair that you had to deal with her antics on such an occasion. Its also unfortunate that she has an addiction and I don't blame you for wanting to shut her out. You have to go with what you feel is right--as corny as that sounds--i do believe everything happens for a reason. I watch that show 'intervention' and the family members all give the offer to help and if he/she refuses than they ask them not to contact them anymore. Maybe you could call her and give her the option to change -or else she can expect you to be distant and for it to finally be on YOUR TERMS when you see and communicate with her.

Again i'm so sorry--but i do believe what hurts us only makes us stronger. Best wishes to you and your new husband--thats really what all your guest remember--your beautiful union!!!
Michy Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I am really sorry that your sister did that to you and has so many issues. It is really unfortunate that you had to go through that on your wedding day. Your sister sounds like she needs some serious medical help.

beautyq115 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

WOW! I am so sorry for you. And no you don't need to reach out to HER! Doesn't anyone feel bad for you! By your Dad saying that 'you need to reach out to her' shows that she in enabled by people!
the future mrs m Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

i just read your story and i think you are justified in not wabting to deal w/ her. your wedding was beautiful im sure. enjoy married life.

catsgirl Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I AM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT, YOU DONE NOTHING WRONG, YOU NEED NOT TO TALK TO HER LET HER SWEAT, SHE NEEDS TO STAND IN THE MIRROR AND TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT HERSELF AND GET IT TOGETHER. YOUR MOH WAS RIGHT SHE'S A DISGRACE, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR WEDDING IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING. IT WAS YOUR DAY...

NY031978 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

I dont think you are mean, cold or heartless. It was your day and she should of came to it as a sister and BM. She shouldnt of been high or drunk. She needed to keep her shiit together...its 1 day! BUT she is a user and I know how it is to have a sibiling that is like that. My brother (even though hes 'clean' now or so he swears) I worry about what he will do or say whenever I come home and see my family. Sadly I look at it like its the drugs and not him so I TRY to be the better person and eat it up. Im not saying call and forgive her...but just like my brother im sure she is depressed and sometimes having a sister there to talk with may help her see the light. I've had a few convos just me and my brother and hes let me in when everyone else hit dead ends!
Im sorry she was an embarassment and I hope she can clean to clean up her act!!!

Irishny8 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

YOu are not the meanest person at all. Unfortunatley I can somewhat relate. My younger sister can be overly dramatic as well. We have been sooooo close but when it came to our father we just didn't agree, he was an alcoholic and recently passed away. Its a long awful story but we have always butted heads when it came to hima nd you can't reason with her or talk to her b/c if she doesnt like what yousay forget it she explodes and makes a scene. I've learned that until SHE gets some help we really cant have a relationship and it really upsets me b/c she can be a lot of fun but she can also be EXTEREMELY mean and hurtful when she wants to.

So please don't feel bad, I'm sorry that your sister felt she needed to make such a scene on your special day. I hope you were able to enjoy your wonderful day and not let her ruin it. Know that she needs a lot of help and hopefully she will see the light one day b/c I know how hard something like that can be. FM me if you want to talk. Colleen
th24s Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

First, I am so sorry that this all happened at your wedding. Having said that, I do not believe never speaking with her again will help the situation. In reading your story, I see alot of love and patience for your sister between you and your dad.

I would hate for you to cut her off and something happen. Let me ask you, How would you feel if you found out she was no longer living? Guilt and sorry are terrible feelings to carry, trust me.

IMO I would respond to her and let her know her actions were hurtful. I would say my peace and let her know that I loved her but did not like her very much right now and that she needed to seek help. After she seeked help and was more balanced I would love to see and speak to her and start a new relationship one with love and respect.

I do hope what ever road you take, it makes you happy and you feel peace. That should be your goal.

Good luck.
2Be1 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

OMG I am so sorry
tricia3381 Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....


Posted by WilliesBride

You are not awful at all!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe that you family think that you need to reach out to her........... She needs to be the one to say sorry to you......and I guess until then I wouldn't bother......(oh-boy is that too harsh) OOPS.......



i agree!!
jaiese Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

No, you're not cold and heartless. You deserved to have a day to yourself. Your dad is enabling her! I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of your day, and that you and your sister will be able to patch things up when you're ready.

PegaLega Posted:

Re: Need advice: My sister walked out on my wedding. Long....

You are not by any means a bad person-or cold-hearted at that. There comes a point when an adult needs to be an adult-and its obvious that she cant act that way.
You father said she needs someone-then he should call her. You get to a point where other things are more important and an attempt to ruin your wedding day is not right.
I would sit back and wait-if she needs you she will let you know-but even then I think you are being smart in not getting ****** in

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