Update on the 'talk' with my FIL's...

I am so beyond nervous.

Tomorrow evening my parents and my FH's parents will be sitting down for dinner and discussing the financial situation of our wedding. We haven't booked until we can settle this.

From what his mother has been saying to my mother, they really don't plan on paying for much (like, even their own guests..) and we're getting nervous. Both my mom and his dad can get..uh..heated and I'm afraid it will get ugly.

Advice?

dont stress too much... good luck, everything will be fine! let us know

we never had 'the talk' officially... our moms had discussed some stuff, but my parents had every intention on paying for the reception...we are just fortunate that his parents stepped up and are helping with some vendors, if not that would have been on our plate...

We've never had the talk either. My parents are paying for the entire wedding, and I just found out that his parents have offered to pay for the honeymoon.

Good luck and I hope it all goes well.

It was a little frustrating but we worked through it. Good Luck.

It's very frustrating but it will all work out..dont worry

Thanks, my parents bought his mom her favorite wine.

So the talk went pretty weird. My mother was the one who basically talking to his dad, the more rational ones were quiet.

At first he said..'well I spent a lot on my daughter's wedding and I thought I was done with weddings. I thought I'd give a nice present and pay for the band.' My mom asked how many guests he wanted and he said they'd invite 100 but not all will show.

So my mom explained how she paid for my brother's wedding and she tries to give us equal treatment but she just can't pay for an entire wedding (minus the band..we want a DJ anyway!).

Then my mom said, would you be happy with 35 guests then if we're paying for the whole thing basically?

So the end result is he didn't commit to anything, but his parents say to book it and requested my father to put our proposed wedding costs on a spreadsheet and he'll figure out his contribution.

So this is the only thing we're missing: How much would a good DJ cost?

It happened last night but thanks, I'm still kind of stressing until he says a specific $$ amount.

I know this is long..sorry. It's been a rough few days for me. I even called in sick yesterday because this is making me insane.

On Tuesday night we went to the KoC in Seaford to look at the basement room for our eparty. It reminded me of a bar. His father told the guy we wanted 90 people. I wasn't in love with the idea of having it in the basement but I smiled and thankfully they didn't leave a deposit.

As we were leaving my FH asked his father about his email address so my father can send the spreadsheet HIS FATHER REQUESTED with wedding costs, to reconsider his offer of only paying for a band we don't want.

He said..'it's moot anyway but..'

When we got into the car I'm like..'what the hell did that mean?' and my FH said it could be good because maybe he's thinking of contributing no matter what and I'm like, yeah right.

So I spent the whole night hysterically crying about his father (again) who obviously told my parents to create this spreadsheet to shut them up Sunday night because he has no plans to change his mind.

On Sunday night my FH had mentioned we were thinking of killing the eparty since we only wanted one when we thought we'd have 150 guests at our wedding and his parents would pay for their guests and not expect mine to pay for 100 of them. His father was like..don't say that..we don't know how much his parents need from us..yada yada.

The eparty was going to be his father's thing. He loved paying for it because he said, it gave him complete control. Yeah, he admitted that to my FH!

So I had my FH call him yesterday and cancel the eparty.

I refuse to be embarrassed by having all these people at my eparty who aren't invited to the wedding because 1) my parents can't afford to have them AND his mom even said they planned on telling the left out people they're not invited because my parents won't pay for them and 2) his parents won't help pay for them.

I may have not even mentioned this but my parents have let my FH live here rent free for a while now. I had paid them for myself, they never took money from him. His father has never acknowledged that.

Even if the eparty money (3 thousand dollars we figured) won't go to my wedding, I don't even care anymore. My parents are going to work around his father and give me the wedding I want. My dad sent the spreadsheet anyway but don't expect anything from him. Knowing him if we don't have a band he won't pay for a DJ either.

My FH's father kept telling me the wedding was all about me (that's why he's not paying) but kept telling me Sunday that I should have a band and that my wedding started 'too early' at 11am and I should consider the out of town guests. I said, they can sleep over Saturday night if they wish since it ends early on Sunday. How many Bat Mitzvahs start at 9am and people manage to do it?

I love my parents for being rational sane people and for helping my brother and I out with our weddings, when our future in laws refused to.

Don't worry it will all work out. They are all adults and I am sure they will all act like adults, I bet it will turn out even better than you expected.
Good luck and keep us posted!

I know it all seems like an up hill battle right now, but try not to stress too much sweetie, it'll all work out. If you need anything - we're all here!!!

I dont know what to say - Our parents have never spoken about this and they dont plain on it everything that we are getting were getting it from my parents ....dont worry they all have one thing in commen - then love you guys it will be ok

So sorry that he is a jerk. You have a good attitude about this and I know that things will work themselves out.

keep your head up, you just have to laugh about stuff like this and ignore people, everyones going to always put their two sense in, it's your wedding day you do what you want if they can't make it at 11 then thats their problem, not yours! Feel better

I feel your pain! I went through (and am currently going through) a similar thing with my FFIL. I am starting to become bitter about the whole thing! After months of battling, the IL's agreed to pay for some of our vendors and try to cut their list down.
I am a little doubtful that we will ever see any of that $$$ though, cause whenever the bills are due they are suddenly 'strapped' for cash (which is crappola since I know all the stuff they have been buying lately!)
Maybe when your FIL sees that your parents are serious about not paying for his excess guests he will change his mind and help with that aspect. Good luck!

Sweetie- try to relax- in the end will all work out... you are probably making a good decision with Eparty