Update on the 'talk' with my FIL's...

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Posted by MrsP2Be

So the talk went pretty weird. My mother was the one who basically talking to his dad, the more rational ones were quiet.

At first he said..'well I spent a lot on my daughter's wedding and I thought I was done with weddings. I thought I'd give a nice present and pay for the band.' My mom asked how many guests he wanted and he said they'd invite 100 but not all will show.

So my mom explained how she paid for my brother's wedding and she tries to give us equal treatment but she just can't pay for an entire wedding (minus the band..we want a DJ anyway!).

Then my mom said, would you be happy with 35 guests then if we're paying for the whole thing basically?

So the end result is he didn't commit to anything, but his parents say to book it and requested my father to put our proposed wedding costs on a spreadsheet and he'll figure out his contribution.

So this is the only thing we're missing: How much would a good DJ cost?

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What a mess! I agree with you about cancelling the e-party, especially in light of his mothers plans to blame your parents for not inviting those guests.

The only thing I can help with is DJ. DJs can range from $1000 to $3000 I think. It all depends on what you want. I can FM you with what I am paying if you want.

Good luck! Keep the updates coming

I'm am sure it will work itself out. Even if your FIL's would be jerks and tell the people not invited that it's b/c your parents won't pay, any reasonable person will figure out that it's also because THEY wouldn't pay either.

People can be real jerks about money. Perhaps FH can just come out and tell his dad- give us the $3000 for the eparty and the money you would have paid for the band so we can help pay for the added guests. Maybe he really needs to feel like a cheapskate to loosen the purse strings a little

Good luck...your parents ROCK!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this now, it's supposed to be a happy time!! You're lucky that you're parents are helping and you should really let them know how much you appreciate that!! As for his parents, tell them that there's simply no way they can invite 100 ppl (figure a third of the guest list) without paying a third of the costs! Paying for the DJ just doesn't cover what 100 ppl are going to consume! Hope it all works out and they come to their senses, we're here for you!

I'm so sorry to hear that your FIL's are being so obnoxious. Be strong, and make sure that you and FH stick together on everything. It will all work out in the end.

thats awesome honey i new it would be ok! '

tommys tunes is who we booked!

I need to re-read the full string of this thread when I have more time, but I wanted to tell you that you can get a good DJ for around $500-$600.

FM if you are interested. And good luck!

Well I have not had any offers from my FIL's at least they are going to sit down and discuss the situation. My parents offered to pay for the hall, which is the biggest expense and we are grateful for that and we plan on paying for the rest. His parents are divorced and are not on good terms with eachother. It is a rough situation. We'll see what happens in the months ahead.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Thanks everyone, I feel so much better.



I just wish I didn't have to see his parents tomorrow night and celebrate father's day with him.

I know exactly what your goign through I am having a similar situation with my inlaws that still hasn't been solved basically we planned on p aying for o ur wedding ourselves and not ask for help if any of our parents offered we would accept. So FMIl told my FH tha t they will help out but want to know what my parents are going to put in. I told my Fh that its none of his parents business what my parents put in if they put in anything. So Fh told me that they wantto know cuztheyw ill give us the same thing. So I siad well then tell them no thank you cuz its none of their business and if they want to help then they s hould just give us what they want to gie us and help us out and thats that. This still hasn't been resolved yet.

Also if you don't want a band you FIL should be happy cuz a DJ is so much cheaper then a band.

I completely understand...

This 'talk' was the hardest part of wedding planning (for me anyway) FIL didnt wanna pay for anything but the e-party but yet were inviting 160 guests....

after lots of fighting...and me crying...and lots of time passing...everything worked out!!!!

we took on paying for the vendors... and they are paying for half of there guests...

the heardest thing to do is remind yourself that EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT....but it will!

I understand where you are coming from too. My FMIL told my mom she 'wanted to participate' when they spoke on the phone. We have since booked a location, and a band and so far there hasn't been any offer of money. I am thinking that maybe 'participate' did not mean 'contribute financially' and that is fine. My FIL's are not in the same position financially as my family may be but I feel the offer should not have been made. I am lucky that my family can provide for me and I am grateful but considering my mom is elderly and my father is in hospice care, I do not want to dry out what my mom has to live on alone. An offering of a honeymoon would even be nice so FH can use his money to pay for a percentage of the wedding BEFORE hand instead of waiting for a financial gift afterwards.

FH thinks that on some level, they know they won't be able to give their daughters the wedding that my family is going to give us. Guess what? NOT MY PROBLEM!!! His sisters make a ****load of money in corporate America and can make their own weddings. I don't and can't feel bad for people who make $75,000 a year with a $20,000 bonus and cry poor. Boo friggin hoo!

So basically I explained to my mom that we should not count on any contributions from FH's family and should they give us something closer to the date, then we will apply it to the catering bill balance the night of the wedding. If we book all of the major vendors before they offer anything, then they cannot have any opinions or input on who we choose - oh well!

Yeah, that's the only good thing about them not paying I guess. Total control!

Last night I got some early birthday presents from my FMIL & FSIL and they both wrote warm 'We're glad to have you in our family' type cards. I think they both feel bad about how this is going. As my FH keeps saying, it's only my FFIL that's being a pain.

My FH feels his father will come around when they return from their vacation, I hope so.