Hey all.....
Firstly, SIL and baby are ok. They monitored her bc her pregnancy is already high risk and shes gonna be fine she just needs some rest. Having my 2 year old goddaughter yesterday in a funny way really helped me clear my head.
I talked with FH for a while yesterday. Yes, just talk. I dont know if I mentioned, but we are POLAR OPPOSITES, and sometimes we forget that, and assume the other knows exactly how we want them to react in certain situations.
FH has had a real problem being selfish our whole relationship. Since I met him 6 years ago. And Im too blame as well bc I spoiled the crap out of him, and never wanted anything in retured, because i just wanted someone to be happy with me, someone to be proud, and that was the WRONG way to do it. He was just out of a really bad situation and I wanted to save him, and by doing it the wrong way I sacrificed myself
thats a lil background...
So yesterday...
We talked for a looooooong time. We both shared some tears. The bottom line was that he has to put me first 100% all the time, as I do the same. This isnt dropping for the other, but working together. In marriage there is another person you are sharing your life with and tht you have to think about at all times. He didnt understand that.
With all of the saving we havent done anything. ANYTHING! We stay home and watch Scrubs and eat. Thats what we do. Scrubs. Now, dont get me wrong...we love and bond over that show....BUT the romance was gone! We have to get out and do things together. Not necessarily sucking face, but you get my drift. Sitting home all the time we were just getting on eachothers nerves.
I stressed that fact that my needs have to be met. I have seen every horror movie from A to Z. Every blacksploitation movie released...Ive met the horro movie celebs, the musicians, have gone on the road trips, spent late nights on ebay, etc. (do you know who Joe Spinell is? I probably shouldnt but i do!) All to support his love for music and cinema. He in return has to show the same support to me. Imnot begging for flowers or jewelery, but his time in my interests as well. It gets harder to compromise when Im running on empty.
I have to go out with my friends. The im busy planning a wedding excuse can only go so far. I have to make more if I have to. (anyone want to be my friend). Go out with my sister...anything!!!
One night of the week is spent pampering myself...even if its painting my toenails with a glass of wine and scrubs playing in the background...No wedding planning on that night.
I am going to stop spoiling him. Ive tried and alot of friction developed, but he is understanding how the destructive behavior is not only bad for me, but for our relationship. he is going to sit down and remember just how lucky he is.
I am going to rediscover myself. I was always a cool person, and I have to remember that. My bestest friend in the whole wide world txt me yesterday and said you are the best (I heart you lucky0510) It made me feel good. Im oging to work on me.
The most important thing is that FH was really understanding. I dont care that it took 3 hours to get down to business but im glad we talked. Things are looking good. We had a lot of fun today and didnt get on eachothers nerves once. I was too busy in the kitchen!
Thank all of you who replied to my post, and who fmd me with words of encouragement. All of your wisdom really helped. Actually when he went into the bathroom before we talked last night, i read everything you guys wrote, and it helped me focus on our talk. I really really appreciate that I have the li brides to talk to everyday. You all really made me feel better, and reminded me that I have me to think about too! And importanly I have to have a clear head, and thats what wednesdays from 3-3:45 is for!
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Btw- Bon, thanks for going back and forth w me yesterday. I gave him that kick for ya
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It was helpful talking to you, since you kinda knew him or knew of him. just thanks.
I love you all very much. Thanks so so so much!
Thats my fav pic of me...arent I gorgeous?
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Thats how i look now...happy. andI feel rejuvinated.
