UPDATED NOT BALLING ANYMORE!

So my very preggo bf and BM just dropped. I knew this was coming. She never checked her maternity benefits (shes an uncertified teacher in Louisiana) and doesnt have them. She paid for her dress in full and wants to keep it. I knew this was coming...she told me she was preg in June and dresses ordered in Aug...but i cant help but be sad. Shes my first friend and my best friend. Shell come to the ceremony she said and her heart is broken she doesnt want to drop.

I would KILL to have her wear the gown and just do the ceremony!!!!

So Im sitting here balling. I dont blame her, and am no way mad at her. I just hate my bridal party. Well not all of them, but the whole situaion just *****. Its like there not even my friends anymore. No one calls me. I text and text and beg for a call back..and never a call back....When I did reach 2 BMs - they were both like oh yea...sorry were busy...call me if you need anything....and now one isnt coming until the day before due to overuse of vacation time, and the other cant help me bc she is shopping for her own wedding gown with her mom! She comes in tues...i told her i needed her thurs and fri night one for bach party and one for wedding things, and all day sat (for rehersal and dinner since its during day and an hour away) and sun is the wedding. I really didnt think it was soo much! My mom has her own agenda and Jason cant take time off, and this other BM says she needs the time to oo her own thing basically.. and I am so HURT! I have gotten no help from these girls, and its like they dont even want to. So I'll do it on my own then, but its like they dont even want or care to spend time with me, let alone give me a phone call

My MOH/Sis is tempermental, so shes good when she wants to be, and i have 2 other bms who have been helpful, but im so heartbroken over Deb, the preggo - not being able to be in it, and the other 2 who i dont even feel connected to anymore. I feel like the poor @$$hole of the group from Highschool. I gave myself to these girls. When BM1 (who used too much vaca time) got married in Nov - I went to her house 5 days before (she lives out of state) and took a loss at work pay bc i had beenout of vaca time - but she needed me. I went to her shower, and helped her with her wedding no porblems...
BM2 - her wedding is still a year and a half away and she has no problem asking me to help her - look at NY banquet menus for her and loook and at this and find salons in NY that carry specific...and as a dumb schmo I do it, as a BM, but mostly as a friend...these girls have been my friends practically my whole life....

I feel like no one is excited or happy. I have been so depressed lately and i know this is a huge contributor. I really dont even feel like im their friends, or my stuff is less important than theirs...they dont even pick up my calls or answer my texts! They dont even really know im sick and havent been able to work - bc I cant talk to them about it. They dont respond to my sisters emails about a bach party - and arent coming to my shower.

It just really hurts. you can give and give and give, but that doesnt mean others will return the favor when its your turn.

Did i do something wrong that I deserve this? I feel like im at a loss. Im hurting so bad, really bad. Esp with Deb. Im not mad at her - i mean she wasnt going to bring baby to the reception, she wound up getting a sitter, i love her to death - but shes doing the right thing. It just hurts....

and im disappointed in the other 2. This whole experience is not what i expected. I dont feel like i have any friends really anymore.

Thanks for listening.


**************************************************UPDATE!!!

thanks so much girls for your wonderful replies! You are right. I really need to step into reality about priorities and deal with what I really have here. For the 2 who are being dumb about this. Oh well. I told ash to get a reply about wther one will be there for the Bach pty and if not im doing someting cooler without her..

AS for DEB! - she called me crying too she feels so bad...so she is IN!!! Her husband wont be there she asked me if her SIL can come as a nanny - I told her absolutely! She will do ceremony and as many pics as she can - she wont be in the limo and unlikely for the reception, but I am elated I dont care!!!

And best part is night before we are doing a sleepover, just me her and lil mariessa, who will be born this week!!

Thanks agan, I am really taking your replies to heart and Bonnie and the rest of you are absolutely right!!!

Im off to premarital now

Aww, don't be down! You have a bunch of people who love and care about you.

You just have to remember that your wedding is most important to YOU. Your friends care a ton, but it's not their #1 priority like it is for you. Ya know what I mean?

Try not to take it to heart!! I'm sure she's just really stressed out her situation.

Lindsay, I am soooo sorry to hear about this. Can you email the two girls who are not being responsive / helpful and explain that you feel this way? I think you can do it in a way that you will not sound rude (because it sounds like these girls may think that) but that will get across the message.

I do think you need to keep in mind that not everyone will respond in the way you do. I think it sounds like you are a great, great friend, but you just need to keep in mind that not everyone can take unpaid time if they use too much vacation. And that vacation time she used could have been for an important vacation, etc. So just keep that in mind.

But I do know how you feel - that you give a lot of yourself and you expect people to give back to you what you give to them, but I think you know now (and probably always did, if you are like me and have been this way forever) that's not always what happens, and in fact, it rarely does. Just remember that you DO have people in your life that love you dearly and that want to be in your life, whether those people are your BMs or not.

im sorry you are going through this....it must be really frustrating to to have your BMs act like they dont care. maybe you can tell them how you are feeling? i hope you feel better...

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Posted by Mici n KC

I'm confused as to why she dropped? If she paid for her dress already, why can't she still be in it?

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Shes giving birth this week to her first baby. Husband lost his job a few weeks back and just got one again so plans she hand went array - and then no maternity benefits. She feels with the newborn baby shell be all over since shes breastfeeding

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Posted by beachbum05

You just have to remember that your wedding is most important to YOU. Your friends care a ton, but it's not their #1 priority like it is for you. Ya know what I mean?

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This is another point I wanted to make but forgot to. We often get so wrapped up in our wedding that we forget that it just can't be as important to others - and that's not to say it's not important, it's just not their wedding, so of course it's not AS important. Hope that makes sense ...

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Posted by madseason

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Posted by Mici n KC

I'm confused as to why she dropped? If she paid for her dress already, why can't she still be in it?

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Shes giving birth this week to her first baby. Husband lost his job a few weeks back and just got one again so plans she hand went array - and then no maternity benefits. She feels with the newborn baby shell be all over since shes breastfeeding

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If she can still do the ceremony, tell her she's wearing the dress!

I definately know where you are coming from. I can't write too much now, because I am at work. But I Love you, and I wish I could help you! Tonight, I have my hair and make-up tiral, but if I get home before I go to bed, I'll FM you! feel better, it's not you don't worry. You area great person, and unfortunately, great people always get stepped on.

I totally understand what you're feeling and I am sorry very sorry! My heart is breaking for you. I am quite certain you just want to share this with the people who mean the most to you and you are horribly let down.

I can't say anything to calm your nerves. I can only hope that this melancholy subsides!

lots o hugs!

I'm sorry that you're going through this! I'm sure things will start to look up in time, maybe they're just consumed with whatever they're doing at the moment and in time they'll be there more....If I were you, I wouldn't reach out to them anymore...people are funny, sometimes it's the minute that you're not available, that they try the hardest to get in contact with you...Absence might make the heart grow fonder for them....try not to expect much from them in the time being, that way, you won't be as disappointed if they're MIA.....i'm sorry,but that's the best advice I can give right now!

Sweet girl, there's NOTHING wrong with you!!!!!
I hear excuses like, ' Well, they're just not thoughtful, like some etc., etc., etc.!!!!! Well, it's not about being thoughtful, it's about common courtesy, and friendship, and loyalty, and doing the right thing, sometimes a sacrificial thing!!!!!!! Doggone it, it's time people start being nice!! Thank you, and someone help me down from my soapbox. Mary MOB

**************************************************UPDATE!!!

thanks so much girls for your wonderful replies! You are right. I really need to step into reality about priorities and deal with what I really have here. For the 2 who are being dumb about this. Oh well. I told ash to get a reply about wther one will be there for the Bach pty and if not im doing someting cooler without her..

AS for DEB! - she called me crying too she feels so bad...so she is IN!!! Her husband wont be there she asked me if her SIL can come as a nanny - I told her absolutely! She will do ceremony and as many pics as she can - she wont be in the limo and unlikely for the reception, but I am elated I dont care!!!

And best part is night before we are doing a sleepover, just me her and lil mariessa, who will be born this week!!

Thanks agan, I am really taking your replies to heart and Bonnie and the rest of you are absolutely right!!!

Im off to premarital now

I am so sorry...I can understand why you would feel disappointed...why does she feel she can no longer be in your BP? And as far as the other BM's, have you mentioned to them that you feel they are not being considerate about your wedding, etc? Maybe you should, for a number of reasons, but especially since it sounds as though you have gone so out of your way in the past for them...Again, I am really sorry

I just saw your update...It sounds like you are much happier...glad to hear this has worked out well