UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Original post by nmagel

Oct 02, 2007 04:40 PM

My sister is my MOH and FH's 2 sisters are my BM's. My sister called me to ask how often the BM's check their emails and I told her pretty often and that they reply. She was kind of ticked off b/c she told me she emailed them almost 2 weeks ago to discuss planning my (surprise) Bridal Shower and no one has written her back!! I kind of feel really insulted right now that they don't even care enough to return an e-mail. Don't you think it's kind of rude? Should I mention anything to them?

UPDATE: My sister told me one of them emailed her this morning. I MADE her tell me what they said b/c she sounded upset. She said in the first email, my sister told them she would pay for all the guests on my side, favors, wishing well, decorations, everything and if they would be willing to pay for half of each guest on their side of the family. BM said they were not willing to do this. I don't even WANT a shower anymore!! I do SO much for them. I'm sorry for my sister b/c she's planning her own wedding for August. AND BM emailed me this morning telling me she can't get fitted for the BM dress until middle of Oct. I gave up and told her to email me her measurements and I would order the dress for her. I cannot wait until March 31st.

ourday08 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 08:58 AM

Re: what do you think about this - Vent about BMs

Maybe she should just call them. That way she would know 100%if they received the message.

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 09:00 AM

Re: what do you think about this - Vent about BMs

I would be pissed. I would give your sisters their phone # and have them call ad be like- 'oh- i emailed you'- put them on the spot- they are rude to not return an email!

Julybride08 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 09:01 AM

Re: what do you think about this - Vent about BMs

Maybe they didn't get it. Maybe it went into there spam box. I would call and just say oh my sister sent you an e-mail did you get it. And see what happeneds from there.

AmandaLynn04 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 09:04 AM

Re: what do you think about this - Vent about BMs

It's definitely very possible that it went into spam -- or was just deleted because they didn't recognize the name it came from.

Your sister should have left you out -- but, I do understand why she would ask -- she should have left out the part about planning your shower.

I might just throw them an e-mail letting them know your sister is trying to get in touch with them -- and give them her e-mail address, and then be done with the whole thing.

Espo22 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 09:06 AM

Re: what do you think about this - Vent about BMs

Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I'm mixed.

I wouldn't say anything to them and I'd be kind of annoyed at my sis for telling me. She should handle it. If someone needs to be the 'bad guy' let HER be it, not YOU.

i agree, she should keep you out of it...for one to spare your feelings and also not to know its being planned...considering the 2 bms are your fh's sisters she should talk to him about this and have him talk to his sisters and find out the reason...Do they know your MOH's email address bc i dont respond to emails i dont recognize.

Espo22 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 09:10 AM

Re: what do you think about this - Vent about BMs

how does your sister have their email addresses? did you give it to them and if so have you given your bm's your sisters email address so they recognize it when she tries contacting them. Like i said i never open emails if i dont know the email address

nmagel Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:15 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

I posted an update.

BNBride60 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:22 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

ugh sorry to hear about this. This is a tough one, because I know some of my BMs couldn't really afford to chip in even if they were asked. are they financially strapped at all? hopefully that is the reason for this, and nothing about them not wanting to do something nice for you.

AMGBride2008 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:26 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

What does your FH say?

nmagel Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:28 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by Jess125483

ugh sorry to hear about this. This is a tough one, because I know some of my BMs couldn't really afford to chip in even if they were asked. are they financially strapped at all? hopefully that is the reason for this, and nothing about them not wanting to do something nice for you.

I know. I don't think they are strapped. They are FH's 2 sisters. One is getting married in Nov. but the entire wedding/honeymoon is paid for. the other one just got a raise. If it is, just say so and try to help in another capacity. they are notoriously, shall we say 'barata'

nmagel Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:29 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by AMGBride2008

What does your FH say?

I didn't tell him b/c he thinks they are spoiled as it is. I don't want to upset him.

Mizzdimple Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:31 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

BNBride60 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:34 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I'm not sure what the 'usual' thing is...I almost feel like there is no usual thing anymore and everyone just works with their own situation.

I know my Mom/Dad are paying for the entire thing....but if my parents weren't financially able to, I know my BMs would attempt to put in what they could afford - which might mean a shower in someone's house catered in with lunch, if that's all they could afford.

Maybe your sister could suggest a cheaper alternative if what she is doing now is a little pricey, and ask if they would get in on that?

nmagel Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:34 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I know, but they are his only 2 sisters not friends so I guess my sister thought it would be ok to ask them to help w/ a small portion. I know I contributed for one of their showers. Not that it's tit for tat, I'm just a little hurt.

Mizzdimple Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:35 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by Jess125483

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I'm not sure what the 'usual' thing is...I almost feel like there is no usual thing anymore and everyone just works with their own situation.

I know my Mom/Dad are paying for the entire thing....but if my parents weren't financially able to, I know my BMs would attempt to put in what they could afford - which might mean a shower in someone's house catered in with lunch, if that's all they could afford.

Maybe your sister could suggest a cheaper alternative if what she is doing now is a little pricey, and ask if they would get in on that?

Maybe the sister should ask FH's mom.
The BM's are buying their dresses and chipping in for the bachelorette party.

Mizzdimple Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:37 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by nmagel

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I know, but they are his only 2 sisters not friends so I guess my sister thought it would be ok to ask them to help w/ a small portion. I know I contributed for one of their showers. Not that it's tit for tat, I'm just a little hurt.

yea..i mean i dont know the backround around the whole story so ...just putting my 2 cents in.

I hope everythign works out!

nmagel Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:39 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by Mizzdimple

Posted by Jess125483

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I'm not sure what the 'usual' thing is...I almost feel like there is no usual thing anymore and everyone just works with their own situation.

I know my Mom/Dad are paying for the entire thing....but if my parents weren't financially able to, I know my BMs would attempt to put in what they could afford - which might mean a shower in someone's house catered in with lunch, if that's all they could afford.

Maybe your sister could suggest a cheaper alternative if what she is doing now is a little pricey, and ask if they would get in on that?

Maybe the sister should ask FH's mom.
The BM's are buying their dresses and chipping in for the bachelorette party.

I'll tell her. Good idea! They aren't paying for the B. party b/c that's the 'MOH's job' and I got a break on the dresses getting direct from the manufacturer for less than $125.

Mizzdimple Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:42 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by nmagel

Posted by Mizzdimple

Posted by Jess125483

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I'm not sure what the 'usual' thing is...I almost feel like there is no usual thing anymore and everyone just works with their own situation.

I know my Mom/Dad are paying for the entire thing....but if my parents weren't financially able to, I know my BMs would attempt to put in what they could afford - which might mean a shower in someone's house catered in with lunch, if that's all they could afford.

Maybe your sister could suggest a cheaper alternative if what she is doing now is a little pricey, and ask if they would get in on that?

Maybe the sister should ask FH's mom.
The BM's are buying their dresses and chipping in for the bachelorette party.

I'll tell her. Good idea! They aren't paying for the B. party b/c that's the 'MOH's job' and I got a break on the dresses getting direct from the manufacturer for less than $125.

Really!!!!!!!!!!! the MOH pays for the B Party? I dont see how that is because everyone is going out and enjoying themselves , everyone pays for themselves + you. WIERD! Yea try to talk to FH's mom. I went through somethign similar also- I told my sister not to mention anything to me..I dont want the headache!

nmagel Posted: Oct 03, 2007 02:45 PM

Re: UPDATED - Vent about BMs

Posted by Mizzdimple

Posted by nmagel

Posted by Mizzdimple

Posted by Jess125483

Posted by Mizzdimple

honestly speaking that is alot to ask for usually the brides family pays for the shower expenses. (mom or sisters).

Usually the BM's help out thats all

I'm not sure what the 'usual' thing is...I almost feel like there is no usual thing anymore and everyone just works with their own situation.

I know my Mom/Dad are paying for the entire thing....but if my parents weren't financially able to, I know my BMs would attempt to put in what they could afford - which might mean a shower in someone's house catered in with lunch, if that's all they could afford.

Maybe your sister could suggest a cheaper alternative if what she is doing now is a little pricey, and ask if they would get in on that?

Maybe the sister should ask FH's mom.
The BM's are buying their dresses and chipping in for the bachelorette party.

I'll tell her. Good idea! They aren't paying for the B. party b/c that's the 'MOH's job' and I got a break on the dresses getting direct from the manufacturer for less than $125.

Really!!!!!!!!!!! the MOH pays for the B Party? I dont see how that is because everyone is going out and enjoying themselves , everyone pays for themselves + you. WIERD! Yea try to talk to FH's mom. I went through somethign similar also- I told my sister not to mention anything to me..I dont want the headache!