Upset....

i dont really want to go into it right now..but last nite during 'foreplay' i got mad about somethin and just left the room and slept in another room....all night i couldnt sleep and i was thinkin im stuck wit this the rest of my life? basically the thing is i LOVE fh to death but the sex just doesnt have that spark like i did with other guys..but when i think about it with the other guys thats all it was was sex i didnt love them...does anyone feel this way with their FH? dont get me wrong we have sex and all that but its just not the same ...theres not thrill in it i guess

Yes..i do feel that way sometimes. You just have to think of how much you do have with FH that you didn't have with those other guys. I know my last bf before FH--it was all about lust. He wasn't even close to being my best friend like FH is.

Try to liven it up a bit-- have some champagne, do it in the car, try different positions....maybe that will help.

I know it's not the best answer, and I know it's a sore subject, but I would tell my fh EXACTLLY what I want him to do. Sex is a part of marriage and if something is bothering you, you must talk about it.
I am sorry you are in this situation, but my advise is to talk to him about it, but don't attack him. Take the personal feelings and hurt out of the conversation.
I hope this helps

Li

you need to talk to him in order to make it better - my fi and i have a great sexual relationship b/c we can talk and are comfortable telling eachother what we like and dont like and we're comfortable experimenting...

if he doesnt know theres a problem, he wont be able to fix it.

sorry to hear about the stress!!!

i have talked to him about it and he knows to....he tries everything that i want and does exactly what i want...its just im not in the mood like i was with other guys ..its not all about sex with him..i thouht it was just me ...but i guess its either the lust or the love right?? i much rather the love...thanks girls!!

o and btw when i am in the mood and we do its AMAZING!! better than allthe other guys its just gettin in the mood

You may want to talk with your dr as well. Also, check out any meds you may be taking.

I know that I when I was taking anti-depressants my sex drive decreased.

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Posted by kahlua716

You may want to talk with your dr as well. Also, check out any meds you may be taking.

I know that I when I was taking anti-depressants my sex drive decreased.

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Yeah, I agree. When I was on BCP I was having this problem - and it was recent, I didn't have it the whole time I was on it. I was so frustrated and did know what was wrong with me. Now that I stopped taking it, everything is back to normal.

I am having the same issue as you and I think it's the BCP. When I start taking the placebos, my sex drive goes way up which is very inconvenient timing! The other reason is b/c when I first started dating FH, we had the best sex life. He had a lot more experience than I did and he would rock it (sorry if TMI). Now I'm just like blah until I start with the placebos.

What's your work schedule like? I think that affects us too. We both work 10-12 hour days so we're tired when we get home. Maybe that's you guys too? As far as the comparisons to exes, I do that too but then I remember the reason we AREN'T together anymore and that snaps those thoughts right out of my head.

thanx girls but its not him ....its me...i dont have that spark for him....he tries evrything i want and we talk about it...it just doesnt get that 'spark' there....also times i compare him to the things i used to do wit other guys that is my problem

it could be a lot of different factors. . . were you with these other guys for as long as you are with FH? there is NOTHING like that 'new' attraction to someone - and maybe it didnt have time to fade with these other guys
has your life changed? maybe you used to work less or be less stressed. . . .that could be an issue too

also, BC could me a major major factor. . as was mentioned - i just switched and it literally changed my life!

hang in there, true love is VERY hard to find - i hope you can work things out!

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs

thanx girls but its not him ....its me...i dont have that spark for him....he tries evrything i want and we talk about it...it just doesnt get that 'spark' there....also times i compare him to the things i used to do wit other guys that is my problem

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs

thanx girls but its not him ....its me...i dont have that spark for him....he tries evrything i want and we talk about it...it just doesnt get that 'spark' there....also times i compare him to the things i used to do wit other guys that is my problem

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it is possible that it could be your hormone levels or something health related. you should discuss it with your Dr.

Or you might just need him to set the mood and make it romantic

Also... aerobic exercise def helps improve your sexual drive. Exercise 30 min a day at least 3x a week aerobically

I'd rather have amazing sex a few times a month than OK sex a few times a week. I've been with FH for almost 4 yrs and our sex life is NOTHING like it was when we first started dating. Relationships go thru all sorts of changes and part of a relationship is your sex life, so expect your sex life to go thru changes too. You can have love and lust with the same person, but I believe that love is there all the time. The times when you have that AMAZING sex is when your lust is pushing thru.
Case & point..... there's nothing wrong with you or your relationship or your sex life. It's normal. When FH & I started to take the turn that you're taking, I started to freak out... after we talked about it and laughed that we were turning into an old married couple that never had sex anymore, it became more laid back and the pressure to have amazing sex eased up soooo much and the amazing sex happened more often than the not so amazing, trying-to-fill-a-quota sex was.
Good luck!

i totallly agree with ur post!!