URRRRRRRR Venting UPDATE at bottom

Original post by SweetCin704

Apr 19, 2006 05:20 AM

FH just came home after a day driving in Cleveland and decides to take a shower at 4am! Well warning bells goes off b/c he supposedly stopped smoking in Jan., but he always smoked when he was driving.....then I hear him brushing his teeth about 3x.

So I start w/ him......why are you showering at 4am?

B/c I been on the road for 8 hours & I'm dirty/tired

I think you were smoking.

I wasn't smoking

THen why did you brush your teeth 3x

I didn't.

I'm going to check your car then (his keys are hidden!!!)

Why do you want to start w/ me? Can't you do this tomorrow?

(I go to his car, but w/o the key & don't see anything outright).

I come back ranting like I did.

He denies it saying I'm not smoking.

I feel very URRRRRRRR though....I think mainly b/c I'm PMSing & b/c I haven't seen him in 2 days & b/c I'm overwhelmed w/ everything I've been doing for OUR wedding & he hasn't done anything (lately). Instead of bringing me home flowers or a card or come right home & come in to me & tell me he missed me, he runs to the shower. Doesn't he realize I need to talk & for him to ask how my days were & how I missed him?

IF I find out he's smoking again though, that would be it...he had promised me & now he was sneaking around. .

ewickens Posted: Apr 19, 2006 06:26 PM

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AAWW Cindy - I don't kno what to say except give lots of

ssdbk Posted: Apr 19, 2006 06:36 PM

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If he is scared about the wedding coming up so soon, he might turn to doing something to prove to himself that he can still do whatever he wants. And by picking something you don't like, he proves it even more. So, he started to smoke again. I usually don't buy the stuff about acting out b/c he's scared but in this case it sounds like his mom is right.

My friend's husband still smokes behind her back, sort of. As crazy as it sounds he is really a good guy. She really knows what he does and it becomes sort of funny when he tries to sneak but it is really obvious. They've made a game of it and they are such a cute couple. The only problem is that the concern about his health is not a game.

Sorry this is happening. Hopefully it is just normal pre-wedding tension that happens to each person in a different way.

SweetCin704 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 06:40 PM

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Posted by ssdbk

If he is scared about the wedding coming up so soon, he might turn to doing something to prove to himself that he can still do whatever he wants. And by picking something you don't like, he proves it even more. So, he started to smoke again. I usually don't buy the stuff about acting out b/c he's scared but in this case it sounds like his mom is right.

You know I think you hit it right on the head....lately I've especially been on his case w/ things we have to do & appointments & he took this 'run' for the week & it is very scheduled & he has to stick to it & that is unlike him.....I think you are totally right....its to show he can still do what he wants & also to 'stick it to me' b/c he knows I hate it.

I do hope it works out. I may call him tonight (I THINK he's at his parent's house) b4 he leaves again for Cleveland (he'll be back Fri. early morning) b/c I don't want him on the road like this.

Thanks for your support ladies, it means a lot. I feel really junky right now.

jenheartsrob Posted: Apr 20, 2006 09:09 AM

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Cindy -- were you able to get ahold of him last night? I've been thinking about you....

~Jen

SweetCin704 Posted: Apr 20, 2006 09:11 AM

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I actually called him last night & apologized & got major attitude 'I really don't have much to say. I'm working.'

He comes home around 3am this morning. I'm hoping he comes around by then.

URRRRRRRR

Thanks for the love girls

ewickens Posted: Apr 20, 2006 09:25 AM

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Posted by SweetCin704

I actually called him last night & apologized & got major attitude 'I really don't have much to say. I'm working.'

He comes home around 3am this morning. I'm hoping he comes around by then.

URRRRRRRR

Thanks for the love girls

Cindy - we're here for you!!!

VadersBride2006 Posted: Apr 20, 2006 09:49 AM

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Oh Cindy, I am so sorry you are going through this! I hate to be the one to say it, but to me it seems like there is a whole lot more than just wedding jitters going on here. All of those comments about calling off the wedding, staying with his parents, not telling you where he is, giving you attitude, these are all red flags that something is going on. It's just a feeling I get from the situations you described, but I think you need to talk to him in a place and a way that he doesn't feel threatened or like he's being cornered.
My FH is an extremely defensive man and it's sometimes very difficult to talk to him about things, he always feels like I'm harping on him or that he did something wrong. I try to start conversations with 'Please don't get defensive' or ' You didn't do anything, I just need to... blah, blah'.
Good Luck, I hope everything works out for the best!

Blu-ize Posted: Apr 20, 2006 10:00 AM

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Cindy-I hope you guys can talk and work it out.

I'm sure it will be fine. Get it all out in the open..yell, scream. cry..do it all.

To me it sounds like stress big time. DH and I had some big fights right before the wedding. One of them in front of MIL. Talk about uncomfortable.

He was being a complete azz!

cindyandkevin Posted: Apr 20, 2006 11:10 AM

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Posted by SweetCin704

I actually called him last night & apologized & got major attitude 'I really don't have much to say. I'm working.'

He comes home around 3am this morning. I'm hoping he comes around by then.

URRRRRRRR

Thanks for the love girls

What Kerie said makes perfect sense, I was sitting here nodding while I was reading her response.

I'm glad that you called him last night, you might not have gotten the response that you wanted but at least he picked up the phone and talked to you so, that's better than nothing. He prob gave you major attitude bc he's still upset and wasn't ready to accept your apology just yet. Give him this time on the road to mull it over and realize how much he misses you. When he gets home, give him a big hug; you both need it. Don't worry Cin, you know Ray loves you, everything will be fine.

meliwhit Posted: Apr 20, 2006 02:27 PM

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I am soo sorry to hear that you are going through this!! I am sure he has had some time to think and will come around...maybe the trip was good for him to get some priorities straight!