URRRRRRRR Venting UPDATE at bottom

FH just came home after a day driving in Cleveland and decides to take a shower at 4am! Well warning bells goes off b/c he supposedly stopped smoking in Jan., but he always smoked when he was driving.....then I hear him brushing his teeth about 3x.

So I start w/ him......why are you showering at 4am?

B/c I been on the road for 8 hours & I'm dirty/tired

I think you were smoking.

I wasn't smoking

THen why did you brush your teeth 3x

I didn't.

I'm going to check your car then (his keys are hidden!!!)

Why do you want to start w/ me? Can't you do this tomorrow?

(I go to his car, but w/o the key & don't see anything outright).

I come back ranting like I did.

He denies it saying I'm not smoking.

I feel very URRRRRRRR though....I think mainly b/c I'm PMSing & b/c I haven't seen him in 2 days & b/c I'm overwhelmed w/ everything I've been doing for OUR wedding & he hasn't done anything (lately). Instead of bringing me home flowers or a card or come right home & come in to me & tell me he missed me, he runs to the shower. Doesn't he realize I need to talk & for him to ask how my days were & how I missed him?

IF I find out he's smoking again though, that would be it...he had promised me & now he was sneaking around. .

Cindy,

I hope it works out -- I'd talk to him later on about it when you both cool down -- and also explain the part about how you wish he would have come in and said he missed you, etc.. Guys don't always get that without being explicitly told...

good luck!
jennifer

Definitely talk to him but here some of these

Feel better

Definitely sit him down and talk to him. Good luck!!

Cindy - Maybe he was just all tired and dirty from being in the truck. Talk to him when you both are awake. I hope everything works out.

I hope he is not smoking, but maybe he is stressed? We all get stress out in different ways. I know what you mean about doing it yourself but at 4am that maybe was not the time. Tell him today how much you missed him and I am sure the makeup to the tiff will be fun

Cindy - definitely talk with him when you both aren't exhausted and you both have the time to sit down and hash everything out. Here are some in the meantime and we're here for you no matter what!!!

OucH!

Here are some hugs I hope he didn't start smoking again

But if you trust him & he says he hasn't, you should take his word. Good luck Cindy

maybe he is under some serious stress

You girls are right & I did go off, I think I didn't realize how stressed I was too & PMSing, etc.

His mom said she thinks it really hit him lately about getting married & hence his being so short lately.

We'll talk when he gets up (I HOPE)

We're supposed to see our priest at 1:30!!!!!!!!!

Don't worry Cindy, everything will be fine!! I'm sorry that you 2 had a tiff, def cool down and talk to him later. But don't be judgemental, just tell him that you missed him so much and that when he went straight to the shower it made you upset so you took it out on him. Ray's a good guy, I'm sure he'll understand and you'll be all lovey-dovey again in no-time!!

And if he did smoke on his trip, don't beat him up over it. It's really hard to quit and just be thankful that at least he's trying. I mean, even to cut down like he has is a great improvement!! You have to allow him to slip-up sometimes, just help him get back on track.

Good luck with your priest later, I'm still so happy for you!!!

Update: he did NOT go w/ me to the priest or to our catering hall. URRRRRRRR!

I spoke to his mom who said reality is setting in and he's nervous not to take it personally. She said I'm welcome to stay there tonight if I want. She said he'll come around, give him some space & she knows he isn't easy to live with

I'm just mad b/c I saw the wrapper in his car and his clothes smell like it and I called him on it and he won't admit it. It also aggravates me b/c for 4 months he has been soooo good.

His mom said too he doesn't like getting caught

I'm very upset though & today was supposed to be a happy day finalizing our vendors and instead I have him calling me on my phone saying, 'did you tell Monsignor the wedding is cancelled.'

Wait.......what??? Does he think that you'd tell the monsignor the wedding is cancelled after one fight?!!?!

It's good that you're talking with his mom, listen to her, sounds like she knows him pretty well. Give him his space and let him come around to you.

I'm sorry that he didn't go with you today, I can't believe that!! But it often happens with us too, the days that I'm excited and are supposed to be 'happy days' end up being the ones when we get into fights.

Don't stress, you'll work it out and everything will be fine again. He just needs some time to cool off.

Aww Cindy, I am sure everything will turn out just fine. Sounds like Mother Knows Best at this point. Give him some space and once he isnt embarrassed about being caught smoking, I am sure he will come around.

I have him calling me on my phone saying, 'did you tell Monsignor the wedding is cancelled.'

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please tell me he was saying that as a joke, right??

well - i think you have a right to question him after the drive and showering at 4am.. but what his mom said is sooo true - he doesnt want to get caught - my FI dips (tobacco) and he got caught on national tv last baseball season - nice one..

so def give him time and space - and with you not all over him , he will def come around and realize what he did and how it hurt you.. GOOD LUCK!!

God guys can really be such jerks. I'm sorry that he didn't go with you today. I hope that you too can settle this soon. i hate how everyone is always like Oh he is scared, what about us!? We are feeling these same things just not acting like jerks about it! Anyway hope everything is OK!

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Posted by JandJ1224

God guys can really be such jerks. I'm sorry that he didn't go with you today. I hope that you too can settle this soon. i hate how everyone is always like Oh he is scared, what about us!? We are feeling these same things just not acting like jerks about it! Anyway hope everything is OK!

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You know, you are right..the guys are able to be scared and be nervous, but everyone just assumes b/c we are the bride that its not an adjustment and life change for us as well.

I'm guessing he's at his parents' house now (he's not here & I'm not calling), he's due to leave tonight again for Cleveland (he's covering a run for a friend on vacation), he never does this.

I know he's nervous too b/c he's bringing up past stuff & saying how he 'can't live like this' and he's tired of it. I'm trying to be diplomatic and not let it get to me, but I am.

He said what he said about cancelling the wedding supposedly seriously, but I know he doesn't mean it.

When I spoke to his mom, I asked her to call him & he didn't say a word to her. He said, Oh I have to shower & then we have to meet monsignor. (So she couldn't say anything, but at least that tells me where his head is).

I HATE though if he leaves tonight w/o rectifying this, but I also don't want to be up his azz.

I bet his mom is right and he is just stressed about the upcoming wedding. Sometimes, they do just need space and then they all of a sudden remember that you are the best thing in their lives and come around.