I just want you to know I feel your pain. I too have the EXACT same relationship with future in laws. I won't pay our situation but feel free to FM me if you want to chat!
guitarstikibars
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Posted by MissToMrs
I just want you to know I feel your pain. I too have the EXACT same relationship with future in laws. I won't pay our situation but feel free to FM me if you want to chat!
thank you so much!
larlynn
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vent - Long Island Weddings
My MIL was like this all through planning......pretended like there was no wedding, never asked anything, showed up to my shower without a gift and then at the wedding she showed up to the bridal suite before I got there, never said a word to me and then came to brunch the next morning (which was for the hotel guests, she refused to stay in the hotel) uninvited and still didn't speak to me.
She's awful, but now that we're married her staying out of the way is a blessing. I think what makes it hard is that while we're planning we're excited and the norm is for the family to be involved and excited with us. I know what bothered me most was that I couldn't have a 'normal' relationship with her. I'll never forget how crappy she was during wedding planning. Luckily, it doesn't bother me anymore and I can bet anything after you're married and all is said and done you'll be over it too.
I know how hard it can be, but hang in there hun! It gets better!
coffeeisgreen
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Posted by guitarstikibars
Posted by coffeeisgreen
Any idea why this is happening?? (In the sense that maybe your FH can explain or is he has baffled as you). That sucks....I don't understand your FPIL's behavior.
they have always been like this. they have always, IMO, not treated FH right (who is a good guy, never got into trouble, etc etc). they have been cold towards me from the beginning and i always thought it had to do with money - i am very middle class, raised by my mom single-handedly after my father died when i was in elementary school. they never bothered to get to know me, etc. it's just gotten worse as the engagement has progressed.
it's such a long, involved story. sigh.
I'm so sorry to hear all that....it really does seem like it's a character flaw in them that existed long before you came into the picture. I hope after the wedding things will get better...since you won't have to have as much contact with them!
coffeeisgreen
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Re: vent
Whoops double post
Megglez108
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vent - Long Island Weddings
I'm so sorry to hear this! It makes life, and yours and your FH's relationship I'm sure so much more difficult that it needs to be. I am blessed to have wonderful future in laws, so I can't even imagine the pain and stress you, and other ladies, are going through. Stay strong, I feel as long as you have FH in your court everything will be okay. Unfortunately you can't change people to be nice, even though they should be!!! You're their future daughter! So awful. I'm here if you need anything.
guitarstikibars
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vent | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
thank you everyone for your kind words. they really mean a lot to me! i'm happy i'm not alone in this.
guitarstikibars
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Re: vent
Posted by larlynn
My MIL was like this all through planning......pretended like there was no wedding, never asked anything, showed up to my shower without a gift and then at the wedding she showed up to the bridal suite before I got there, never said a word to me and then came to brunch the next morning (which was for the hotel guests, she refused to stay in the hotel) uninvited and still didn't speak to me.
She's awful, but now that we're married her staying out of the way is a blessing. I think what makes it hard is that while we're planning we're excited and the norm is for the family to be involved and excited with us. I know what bothered me most was that I couldn't have a 'normal' relationship with her. I'll never forget how crappy she was during wedding planning. Luckily, it doesn't bother me anymore and I can bet anything after you're married and all is said and done you'll be over it too.
I know how hard it can be, but hang in there hun! It gets better!
this is horrible. i'm sorry you had to deal with this.
yes, what gets me the most is that i cannot have a normal relationship with them, no matter what i do.
cconaty94
Posted:
Member since
vent - Long Island Weddings
Im sorry you are going through this. I have had a bit of tension with FH family with wedding stuff-- but the people around me who have been there for me reassure me that I need to do what I need to do and hope they come through in the end. For example, I had asked my bridesmaids to get their money together by the end of October so I could order their dresses..well that didn't happen so it became end of November. I went to FH for Thanksgiving, measured his sisters in front of everyone, spoke to them all about the cost of the dresses and that I needed them before we left. Well, I left without a check. So the next week my mom put all of the dresses on her credit card and just this week, the last week in January, did she get a check from FFIL for his 2 daughters dresses.
What I hope you take from this is maybe you should go ahead and book your RD and hope they come through with the payments. Its your day and I think you will be stunned when all of their family and friends are around how supportive and excited they seem. People can't really see situations from another perspective. Have high hopes but prepare to do all the work yourself!
MrsDtoBe
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vent - Long Island Weddings
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this - they'll realize in the long run that the only person they were ever really hurting was their own son when he starts to resent them for their immature behavior. Luckily you have a very caring and involved mother to override all of the BS from his parents!
Lguido
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vent | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
I'm sorry your going through this! Don't let them bother you one bit! I've been in situations with fh family & I've always bit my tongue! I would let fh deal with his parents from here on & if they decide not to help out with the r.d after they said they would, then do not invite them to the r.d like you said!
guitarstikibars
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vent | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
we received word from danfords today that they released our slot. i'm currently researching alternatives. FH's parents continue to ignore the matter and have not addressed it at all.
i guess this is another thing i will have to take control of and finance ... sigh.
coffeeisgreen
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Re: vent
Posted by guitarstikibars
we received word from danfords today that they released our slot. i'm currently researching alternatives. FH's parents continue to ignore the matter and have not addressed it at all.
i guess this is another thing i will have to take control of and finance ... sigh.
Caruh
Posted:
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vent | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
I think there is something about weddings that make people act like complete jerks. I've had a rocky relationship with my FPILs, but generally it has been positive and they have been supportive. FH and I have been together for 10 years in October (since we were 19) so you would think the wedding wouldn't change much. So far in the process of this dang wedding:
MY FH grandmother told me I should lose weight for the wedding so I can be pretty and sexy for the wedding. At Thanksgiving. In front of everyone.
My FPILs did not come to dinner with my FH, my MOH, and I at the place we want our RD to be held at because it was cold.
MY FPILs almost took me to dinner at my Bridal Shower location. They went for FH's grandmother's birthday and told my MOH they went there. She was mortified because she thought I went (luckily I couldn't, I live in another state).
So I type all that to say, as much as the process of weddings is advertised as wonderful, beautiful, and the best time of your life; keep in mind the societal pressures, stress, and overall bullpoop is existent for pretty much everyone in one way, shape or form. You are not alone, fortunately and unfortunately. You've got the rest of the 2014 brides behind you though and we will all make it through this with wonderful days to remember and our partners by our sides!
guitarstikibars
Posted:
Member since
Re: vent
Posted by Caruh
I think there is something about weddings that make people act like complete jerks. I've had a rocky relationship with my FPILs, but generally it has been positive and they have been supportive. FH and I have been together for 10 years in October (since we were 19) so you would think the wedding wouldn't change much. So far in the process of this dang wedding:
MY FH grandmother told me I should lose weight for the wedding so I can be pretty and sexy for the wedding. At Thanksgiving. In front of everyone.
My FPILs did not come to dinner with my FH, my MOH, and I at the place we want our RD to be held at because it was cold.
MY FPILs almost took me to dinner at my Bridal Shower location. They went for FH's grandmother's birthday and told my MOH they went there. She was mortified because she thought I went (luckily I couldn't, I live in another state).
So I type all that to say, as much as the process of weddings is advertised as wonderful, beautiful, and the best time of your life; keep in mind the societal pressures, stress, and overall bullpoop is existent for pretty much everyone in one way, shape or form. You are not alone, fortunately and unfortunately. You've got the rest of the 2014 brides behind you though and we will all make it through this with wonderful days to remember and our partners by our sides!
