vent

i normally don't like to post family drama here, but i am having some major issues with FPIL's. they have always been cold and unfriendly to me, and it's just gotten worse and worse. they are not involved in the wedding at all, they never ask about what we're working on, or even feign the minutest interest. if talk turns to the wedding, they eventually turn it back to what THEY'RE buying or where THEY'RE going.

i have about had enough.

i had thought our rehearsal dinner was taken care of - FPIL continued to indicate they were handling it, etc. (mind you, they are helping with NOTHING else for the wedding, never offered, etc). he rushed me through menu selections, saying he wanted to book it. i sent them to him before christmas. lo and behold, i get an email from danfords yesterday morning that they have been trying to reach FFIL, he doesn't respond, etc, and they are going to release our date tomorrow if they don't hear back.

FH tried to contact him yesterday and he hasn't returned any calls. i am so furious, i could spit. thank god the danfords woman copied me on the email, or i would NEVER have known about this.

i am just so sick of fighting this uphill battle. this is supposed to be such an exciting, happy time for us, and they are just so miserable.

ETA: i have been dating FH for 3.5 years, and we've been engaged for over six months. FH's parents have still never met my mother. they have made light plans, then they fall through, and now they've just stopped trying. i went so far as to invite them over to dinner with my mom, and they ignored my email. this continues to be a source of extreme hurt for me. they always claim they are too busy or have too much else going on. my mother is paying for this entire wedding. this isn't just MY wedding - it's FH's too.

---

Posted by emmac

ughh that is so annoying, I'm sorry your are going through this. Its unfortunate that some people in this world are so self centered, I know many like that and you need to just try and rise above it. Is there any way you and FH can pay for the rehearsal dinner yourselves, this way you don't need to depend on them? Can FH try and speak to them in person and see what the problem? Surround yourself with your family and friends and still enjoy this magical time in your life!!

---

thank you.

i know my mom will help us with the RD if it comes to it, but i have already discussed with her that it will then just be BP and my family. i am not paying for FPIL's guests. i'm sorry, but i am already also funding a majority of this wedding, and these are people who are NOT hurting for cash, if you know what i mean. my mother is using her life savings to make sure i have my dream wedding. i just can't understand this behavior. it's their SON.

FH has spoken to them repeatedly, but they're the kind of people who don't actually have conversations, they just turn it into what's wrong with YOU, etc.

---

Posted by coffeeisgreen

Any idea why this is happening?? (In the sense that maybe your FH can explain or is he has baffled as you). That sucks....I don't understand your FPIL's behavior.

---

they have always been like this. they have always, IMO, not treated FH right (who is a good guy, never got into trouble, etc etc). they have been cold towards me from the beginning and i always thought it had to do with money - i am very middle class, raised by my mom single-handedly after my father died when i was in elementary school. they never bothered to get to know me, etc. it's just gotten worse as the engagement has progressed.

it's such a long, involved story. sigh.

Ugh are you sure we're not marrying into the same family? It's so horrible that they can't just be there for you and be excited about things. It really shocks me how selfish people can be especially when it comes to their children. I'll never understand it because my parents are the complete opposite of my FH's parents and your FIL's.

I'm here to talk if you ever want to go into more depth!

---

Posted by kadymry

i have so many feelings about this. i have to like compose myself and try to be articulate. but what i want to say is that is horrible and f*&k them. (which is why i have a 10 second rule when i'm pissed haha). not that i think wedding are THE MOST IMPORTANT thing ever, but going out of your way to make someone unhappy or stressed out is such an issue to me. FH's grandparents have been doing this the whole time we are wedding planning and i'm over it. its so upsetting! i'm sorry you have to go through that. try to stay focused on the positive. i'd love to hear that story though. people are so friggin interesting/crazy/infuriating. when's the next g2g? lol

---

thank you. i know i am not even beginning to articulate the deep-rootedness of this issue ... there is so much going on and i just can't handle it all, on top of planning my wedding.

you're right - i do need to focus on the positive. it's just so hard when you feel like someone is hoping your marriage will fail before it even gets started. thank god for my MOHs and my mom. they always are there for me and try to make sure i'm having fun. it's just so despicable that they would ruin this ONCE IN A LIFETIME period in my life.

seriously, we need a g2g! i'm sorry you are also dealing with this. it makes me feel less alone, but i hate that other people have to experience this hurt, too.

---

Posted by dariamarie2

Ugh are you sure we're not marrying into the same family? It's so horrible that they can't just be there for you and be excited about things. It really shocks me how selfish people can be especially when it comes to their children. I'll never understand it because my parents are the complete opposite of my FH's parents and your FIL's.

I'm here to talk if you ever want to go into more depth!

---

on a serious note, i'm also so sorry to hear you are dealing with this, too. it's the absolute worst.

i actually am convinced that FMIL won't come to be bridal shower. she will conveniently be busy, just like when my mother called her and emailed her repeatedly to get her to give a guest list, and SHE NEVER RESPONDED. i can't believe i had to sit there and go through FH's family and make a guest list because she couldn't get off her a$s and take five minutes to email my mom.

so hurtful and disrespectful. i'm here if you ever need to talk, too!

---

Posted by Caity828

This is definitely an effed up situation. :( It breaks my heart that the people who are supposed to be your biggest supporters are not only letting you down but being hurtful and mean. Ugh, i would just want to shake them and ask 'SERIOUSLY WHAT THE EFF IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?!'. Obviously that's not usually an option. I hope they snap out of it for you and your FH's sake!

---

thank you!

i wish i could do that! i am about at my breaking point. i've been very careful, holding my tongue, etc for FH's sake, but I just don't think i can withstand much more of this.

i still have had no response re: the RD. I can't believe this.

I'm so sorry!! I know we've touched on this before, but I'm right there with you. FMIL doesn't like me (not that she's ever admitted it, but some things you don't have to SAY, you know what I mean?) and that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that her constant shenanigans stress out FH which, in turn, stresses me out. She's never treated him well, even as a child. And he still bends over backwards for her. But if you asked her, he's a terrible son. Did I mention that she also lives with us? Good times.

I really hate that you're in this position. I know my situation started to creep into our relationship and I hope that's not happening with you two! It's like you want stuff taken care of, and you're dealing with people who seem like they could care less, and so now it looks like YOU'RE the crazy person, hounding people for information when if they just cared one iota from the beginning, it wouldn't be an issue.

Like every one else said, just try and stay positive, remember that FH CHOSE you, he didn't choose them, so ovbi you mean that much to him. Don't let it get you down (easier said than done, I know). xoxo

---

Posted by Alimm729

I'm so sorry!! I know we've touched on this before, but I'm right there with you. FMIL doesn't like me (not that she's ever admitted it, but some things you don't have to SAY, you know what I mean?) and that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that her constant shenanigans stress out FH which, in turn, stresses me out. She's never treated him well, even as a child. And he still bends over backwards for her. But if you asked her, he's a terrible son. Did I mention that she also lives with us? Good times.

I really hate that you're in this position. I know my situation started to creep into our relationship and I hope that's not happening with you two! It's like you want stuff taken care of, and you're dealing with people who seem like they could care less, and so now it looks like YOU'RE the crazy person, hounding people for information when if they just cared one iota from the beginning, it wouldn't be an issue.

Like every one else said, just try and stay positive, remember that FH CHOSE you, he didn't choose them, so ovbi you mean that much to him. Don't let it get you down (easier said than done, I know). xoxo

---

ugh, this is the worst.

i actually do find that it is creeping into our relationship, and i'm getting even more upset by that. i keep reminding myself of your last point - that he didn't choose them, but he chose me.

i seriously get so down sometimes i just want to lay in bed and cry all day.

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Reading this post is stirring up some not pleasant feelings right now, especially since I've met people similar to your future in laws. Its totally not fair, and I think you have such class putting up with them the way that you have. Idk about them, but if I were in their shoes, I'd be proud that my son choose someone with good character, especially since you've had so many opportunities to blow up on them!

In any case, I say you've went beyond trying to include them, and at this point, give them a taste of their own medicine. Don't include them in any more of your plans, keep them in the dark, and see how they like it! But thats just me. Good luck, and I do hope that everything works out! Keep positive, and just remember, you're marrying the man of your dreams and don't let them soil this happy time in your lives!

---

Posted by cets1290

that sucks I'm sorry... How is your FH in this whole situation? Are you the one contacting his parents to get them involved, or is he willing to speak to them and tell them how much their involvement means to the both of you?

---

i won't speak to them anymore. i have tried too hard, and there was an incident involving FFIL sending me an email disparaging how i am 'administering' my wedding, so i refuse to speak to them. everything goes through FH now, who does not do a good job of communicating because he is so concerned that they will turn on him moreso than already have.

we have both tried to speak to them about their involvement. they continue to refer to this as my wedding, and that they are preoccupied with other things.

---

Posted by karebear1

I am so sorry! Seems like a lot of us have so much family drama on here lately! What happened to how everything use to be years ago! Makes me so mad. My FH mother hasn't offered to help with anything, not one thing. His step mother is so excited, and keeps asking me questions about the wedding etc....its just sad!

---

it really is so sad.

---

Posted by msj288

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Reading this post is stirring up some not pleasant feelings right now, especially since I've met people similar to your future in laws. Its totally not fair, and I think you have such class putting up with them the way that you have. Idk about them, but if I were in their shoes, I'd be proud that my son choose someone with good character, especially since you've had so many opportunities to blow up on them!

In any case, I say you've went beyond trying to include them, and at this point, give them a taste of their own medicine. Don't include them in any more of your plans, keep them in the dark, and see how they like it! But thats just me. Good luck, and I do hope that everything works out! Keep positive, and just remember, you're marrying the man of your dreams and don't let them soil this happy time in your lives!

---

thank you so much for this