Vent about FBIL & SIL....kind of long!

Well I have posted in the past how bad things are between FH and his brother and sister-in-law. Out of respect, although they hardly speak anymore, we invited them. They waited until the last day to respond but they said YES. Something FH and I never expected. FH has mixed feelings about this. Just for a little backgroudn, FBIL's last words to me were ' I f*cking hate you, you f*cking b*tch' and one of FBIL's last words to FH was ' I hope you die, I hate you'. Now these two people who don't like us are coming to our wedding so they don't look bad to the rest of the family, although FH's small family already knows what they have done and how terrible they are. When my mom receieved the RSVP my heart just dropped into my stomach. I can't even look at them, let alone be in the same room with them w/out getting angry, and filled with hatred. I am paying for these two a**holes to come to my wedding, when not only do FH and I not want them there but they don't want to be there either. Isn't that friggin' ridiculous. I am so upset b/c I am afraid this is going to ruin my wedding day. I can see them already just sitting there like the snobs they are and making comments and rolling their eyes. They already made comments about us having an 'extravagant' wedding b/c they are jealous they got engaged after 6 yrs. of dating and than planned a small wedding in 5 months and FBIL bought SIL's ring off the internet.

The whole situation just stinks. Now I am wondering if, even though neither one of them are in the bridal party, should I invite them to the rehearsal dinner??? It is FH's brother. I think he gave up his 'brotherly' privelages a long time ago but it is so hard to make these decisions. What would you guys do?

Although it is customary to include siblings at the RD, this is certainly one case where I would throw etiquette out the window and NOT extend an invite. It's enough that you were the bigger person and invited them to the wedding, there is no need to increase angst by inviting them to the RD.

Since you didn't expect them to come, I wouldn't seat them with the family when you make the seating arrangements. I would stick them at a table in the back as far out of your line of sight as possible.

You know, not to freak you out anymore than you already are, but have you ever thought that maybe they said yes to come to the wedding and then will not show up. I guess that would make you feel better to not have them htere but unfortunatel you would be paying for them. If they are there I wouldn't even look at them. Just enjoy your day and if something happens make sure you ahve a plan to get them out.
Definitely don't invite them to the RD if they have that much anger towards you and FH. It will be a smaller crowd and probably end in another argument.

I really hope this all works out for you.

Not for nothing but, you DID invite them, so you must have known that they might say yes.

Honestly, I am going through something similiar with my own sister... she has been horrible to me and my family (I posted about it here awhile ago) and we have opted NOT to invite her and her husband at all. Hopefully, that will help us avoid a situation like yours.

As far as the RD, it's my understanding that noone but the parents and bridal party need to be invited. Some brides invite OOT-ers so they have something to do the night before.

I think your 'obligation' to them was done the minute you sent the invite.

Nobody can ruin your day unless you let them.

They can sit and make snide comments all they want, but the only way that will ruin your day is if you pay attention and let it get to you. We can all make the choice to simply ignore those who would bring us down, and have a fantastic day despite their presence.

Also, who knows, they might behave themselves. You never know. Treat them with courtesy, seat them with the family, and if they act like jerks, ignore them. There will plenty of other people there who love you and care about you and want you to have a fantastic day. Pay attention to those people instead.

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no chance they are trying to change their ways and make nice?

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Definetley not! They aren't nice people at all.

you are a better person than me...i wouldn't have invited them. we actually have a family member on FH's side who is not invited...the relatives mom said NOT to and refused to comment on why......we just accepted it and moved on.

don't bother inviting them to the RD....it'snot worth it.