Vent - advise please

jgold910 Posted: Jan 24, 2011 08:38 PM

Vent - advise please

So my younger cousin got engaged a month and 1/2 after me....while I know it's immature - I kinda felt like it was stealing my thunder. Then I found out - she wants to get married this summer. Again - while I was annoyed - I figured I deal with a June wedding. They want out door and at a vineyard so the summer weather was important to them.....So I receive a call yesterday....she's on a train out to the vineyards to secure a location - and wanted to make sure I was ok with her getting married Labor day weekend....um - this is two weeks before I'm getting married!!! Obviously she knows she's wrong b/c she called me - but her FH's uncle will be over seas until the end of August - and she keeps harping on the fact that this is her FFIL's only sibling and wants him to be there. This is annoying b/c my sister is in California and will now feel obligated to come in 2 weeks before my wedding and then again for mine - my parents are so upset and so are hers...Her brother is an OOTer and now I don't know if he'll come to my wedding - plus I don't know if she'll be back from her honeymoon - she is a resident dr. so even if she is back - i don't know if she'll be able to get the time off to come to my wedding ....Do you think I'm wrong for being hurt by this?

Tomsbride Posted: Jan 24, 2011 09:21 PM

Re: Vent - advise please

Why don't you just talk it out with her. Ask her if she thinks having it two weeks before would be a conflict for everyone traveling down. Ask her if she can have it in October (wine season).

Debbie2011 Posted: Jan 24, 2011 09:21 PM

Re: Vent - advise please

having just been informed about this, i can totally understand your being upset at the situation. before you get upset with your cousin, though, maybe you can revisit this conversation so that you both fully understand what's going on 'on the other side.'

i'd call her back up and say, 'you know how yesterday you called and asked if i was okay with you getting married labor day weekend? well... the more i think about it, the more upset i get. i can't help but think how having another family wedding, just two weeks before mine, may cause guests choose only one wedding to attend. i don't even know if YOU'LL be able to come to mine now, with everything else you'll have going on. so if you want an honest answer, i guess i'm not really 'okay' with it, but what else can we do?' i'd be curious how she responds...

as far as your question about you being wrong for feeling upset... i don't think anyone can tell you how you should or should not feel... those are your emotions talking...

kshea23 Posted: Jan 24, 2011 09:24 PM

Re: Vent - advise please

im going through the same thing

FH's cousin is getting married 2 weeks after us even though they knew we had this date picked out for over a year. They even came to our enagement party and was clearly told when the date was.

so annoying how selfish some people can be!

JLWSJC Posted: Jan 24, 2011 09:26 PM

Re: Vent - advise please

I'd totaly be pissed. I don't think it's immature, espcially when there's travel involved, that's a bug burden to put on people. I wish I had advice for you ... FH's cousin pulled something similar and is getting married in July and they got engaged a year after us to the day... while not the only family issue, it was the final nail int he coffin as far as FMIL is concerned and she's not going to their wedding. Oh well.

Sorry I don't have advice, but I do have sympathy!

mrsg2be11 Posted: Jan 24, 2011 09:27 PM

Re: Vent - advise please

You're not the immature one here...

The fact that you got engaged, and booked your wedding before she did, she should have enough respect for you to book her wedding after yours. Why would she want to put your family in an awkward position?

But if worse comes to worse, you can make sure you send out your invitations well before she plans on doing so, so your family can rsvp to yours first!

Good luck

jgold910 Posted: Jan 24, 2011 09:33 PM

Re: Vent - advise please

My parents are upset b/c they don't want everyone to compare the two weddings as well....while she is my cousin - we barely talk - and truthfully - the 2 times I've talked to her in about 3 years was about her wedding....she didn't even call to congratulate me...I called her to congratulate her - and this is when I found out initially that there was a summer wedding....I'm glad it's ok for me to feel this way - I'm just so fed up!!! My sister is torn b/c this cousin was a brides maid in her own wedding - she says this is typical of her - not thinking about anyone else - I don't remember this - but my sister said she brought knitting with her - to occupy herself during wedding party pictures and stuff - so maybe I don't want her there anyway LOL